Jessica - posted on 05/11/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )
My name is Jessica and I am 20 years old with an amazing 10 week old daughter. I was travelling via hitchhiking and train hopping when I met her father in san fransisco during the 420 fest last year. I became pregnant 3 months into our relationship and immediately started feeling the effects of the pregnancy on every aspect of my body and mind. we lived in the basement of a punk music venue in Portland Oregon and the place had fleas, alcoholics, drugs, cigarettes, fighting, loud music in the middle of the night.... I could go on. I was miserable. I loved being around this type of thing before, but now I cant partake in anything. so I ended up in our flea infested room in the basement alone while my babys father was upstairs partying. he would pop in once in a while to play videogames, have sex, and then leave again. he never spent time with me just to be around me. when I confronted him, he got angry and ran off. I was alone the majority of the time though he was in the same house. I went out to look for jobs, find assistance, just trying to get things going to take care of a baby. he smoked weed, skateboarded and played his guitar. I asked him to get a job and he filled out half of an application online and claimed he couldn't get "normal guy jobs" because of his hurt back. this was the first time I had heard of his back hurting. I began to get angry and resentful. I cried... like long hours of bellowing at the ceiling, alone getting bit by fleas. he called me crazy and was gone for even longer periods of time. I begged for him just to spend some time with me. I let him play videogames for days thinking hed turn around and ask me how I was feeling or if I wanted anything to drink. just some little light of kindness and caring. the people in the house didn't like me mucking up their perfect party life and eventually I found myself in a house full of people who hated me, including the man I made a baby with. I punched him in the butt cheek as he walked out the door once and he told everyone I was beating him.
finally I got in contact with an old friend of mine, and he was in Vancouver Washington talking about a house he was going to renovate in Montana and wanted me to come with him. I promptly packed my backpack and gave him the dumb playstation and left the next morning while he was at some pirate festival. I even paid the remainder of the months rent with my food stamps. I lasted one day on the road with my friend and ended up calling my mom for help.
so now im in Amarillo texas 4 months pregnant trying to get him to talk to me and he wont. the one or two times he did, it was to argue and tell me how mean I am. I considerd adoption for two weeks when I realized I wouldn't be able to do it. my mother was upset at the idea and so was everyone else. somehow my sister ended up calling me the devil child and ignored me as well. my mom left for florida and I stayed in Amarillo for about a month until I ended up in florida as well. all the while trying everything to get him to talk to me. show some interest in his baby to be. and he started a band. I sent him ultrasound pictures, told him that it was a girl, told him the name I picked out. and he named a cat he found under a bridge what I told him I wanted to name her. so I had to change the name. I tried getting his friends to talk to him and he accused me of manipulation. this may be true, but all I was after was having my daughter have her father. he accused me of wanting to be with him. brought up things that happened months prior and never once asked how the baby was doing in utero. not once. by the end of the pregnancy I was crying and blaming myself for him not wanting to be there when his daughter was born. I was so stressed and depressed, my doctor said I wasn't emotional able to give birth and after 2 failed inductions, I went in for a c section. needless to say I forgot about him for the next few weeks. she absolutely perfect and healthy and so beautiful.
he knew my due date, and when april rolled around and he didn't say anything I set my sights on him again. wondering who in their right mind would knowingly ignore the birth of their child. didn't ask if she was healthy didn't ask her name her birth day nothing. just kept touring and smoking his stupid weed. so I sent him a picture. and told him the details. he ignores it. I ask if he wanted me to move closer since we were on opposite sides of the country and he ignored that too. I offered to pay for him to get his name on her birth certificate and he could leave again if he wanted. I just wanted her to have a full birth certificate and for him to meet her at least so he could make a decision with clear vision. he ignored that too... he hasn't said anything at all for months and all I could ever get out of him before that was "im broke and youre mean, good luck. I know lots of single mothers".
so now that the novelty of a new baby has worn off, I am alone again. in a camper at a koa in florida with my 2 month old. and every day I ask myself if it really was my fault... what do you guys think of that situation?