Babysitter- Mom or Mother in Law

Sandy - posted on 12/01/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )




my husband and i are both blessed and challenged by having both grandmothers live about ten minutes away from us. i am contemplating returning to work in a month and we are starting to argue about whose mother is going to watch the baby. I feel more comfortable having my mother watch the baby, he feels equally the same about his mother. i don't really care for his mother and would rather my baby not be watched by her. I dont know how to convince my husband that i feel more comfortable having my mom watch the baby. His mom has watched the baby on occassion, he feels that his family already doesn't get enough time with the baby and feels that his family has a right to watch her just as much as my family. This is such a big dilema i am contemplating staying home that way i dont have to deal with this.... I do have some concerns with his mom, she is older, fragile, and has some health issues i dont know if she is going to be able to handle an infant 8 hours a day 5 days a week, she also has a cat. I dont want cats around the baby, sorry I am allergic to cats and dont care for them. Please help!


Sherri - posted on 12/01/2010




I agree your husband he has just as much right to have his mother watch the baby as you do yours. I think the cat reason is a pretty lame one honestly, just because you are allergic doesn't mean she will be and she may love the cat. This is a decision that you and your husband need to work out between the two of you. None of the reasons you listed are real concerns to me what if a few days a week with your mom and a few days a week with MIL that way your parents don't feel like they are raising your baby and can have a life too. That way everyone gets what they want. That way everyone gets what the want maybe 2 day with MIL and 3 with your mom.


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Alison - posted on 12/01/2010




I'll just add that you need to keep in mind that most moms seem to think that their own moms are better moms than their mother-in-law. So, maybe it is more a perspective thing than anything else. Consider yourself to be biased and try to ignore your feelings to a certain extent. Also, try to put yourself in your husband's shoes, and help him to feel that you understand his perspective. That can go a long way in these discussions.

Another note: always be grateful that you have two grandma's to help you out.

Danielle - posted on 12/01/2010




If you are concerned with her age maybe split the week up between the two grandparents. Have your mother take the baby for Mondays, Wed, Friday. His mother can have the baby for Tuesday, Thursday to give them the extra days rest in between.
Have they both offered to watch the baby?
Maybe discuss with your husband your concerns with his mothers health. Explain to him that it is not that she in incompetent or does not love the grandchild, but more of a concern with how she will cope to the extra responsibilities, and stress of having to care for a small child again.
I know that both my parents, and my husbands sometimes underestimates how much work it is monitoring a little child. By the end of the day they are exhausted and ready to pass our son off.
Approach the situation like it is more of a concern for his mother, so he knows not to take it personally.
I think having the week split is a good compromise until they are both adjusted to the new tasks caring for your child. It may come down to one parent backing out after realizing the extra workload, or they both agree that splitting the week is easier.

Helen - posted on 12/01/2010




Hi Sandy. Your situation sounds so similar to ours, even down to the cats! My son goes to my mums 2 days a week, and my mum follows our rules and routine to the letter. My MIL has him one day a week, and does what she thinks is best (I'm sure you'll understand what I mean by that!!). I got really angry at first especially around sleeps, and that I'd always get an overtired cranky baby at the end of the day that was pumped full of rubbish. But I came to accept that there is a limit to the damage that could be done in one day, and provided the other 6 were consistent there shouldnt be too much of a problem. Maybe you could suggest that you in laws look after him one or 2 days of the week, so that the majority of care is by you and your mum? At least that may keep all parties happy. If your baby does go to your in laws, one piece of advice I would have is pick your battles! Let the small things slide, so that when you want to complain about something it might be listened to, rather than them thinking you complain about everything!! I hope that helps in some small way. Good luck x

Rachel - posted on 12/01/2010




you can use the cat as a big part... you child would come home with what you are alergic to all over and there is always the chance that your baby may also be alergic I would say that should be reason enough

Kayla - posted on 12/01/2010




I say go with your mom! If that's who you feel comfortable with and you think your baby is in goods hands then that's where the baby should be. If it's that big of a deal for your husband let your mother in law watch the baby one day a week. That way he feels like his family gets to spend time with the baby as well. I hope everything works out for you and your family!

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