Back talking

Nicole - posted on 03/20/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son is 4 1/2 years old and talks back. If he is put in time out he says things like, " I hate you" or " shut up." What should we do?

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Dove - posted on 03/20/2016

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He is saying these things to try and push your buttons... don't let him.

My son turns 8 in a week and thanks to not enough sleep at Grandpa's last night... he freaked the heck out at me cuz I wouldn't take him to the store. I calmly explained to him that it wasn't going to happen and that we had plenty of options for him to have for lunch w/out going to the store... and then I basically ignored him. He learned a long time ago that he's not going to get his way just because he's angry... but that sure doesn't stop him from trying... it took him a good 40 minutes to get over this upset... until the next thing set him off (boy, I've had 'fun' today... lol). I've never done a lot of 'time out'... but I have frequently sent him to go freak out in the bedroom cuz no one wants to listen to that.

Honestly... the less you pay attention to the 'back talk'... the faster it stops ('usually'), but don't expect that they won't keep trying another time. It can take time to 'master' the art of ignoring the behavior w/out giving in or escalating the situation... and w/out completely ignoring the child, but the more you don't give in... the more they will realize that their behavior isn't creating the desired result.

Sarah - posted on 03/20/2016

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Looks like Evelyn and I responded at the same time. If you do choose to send him to his room, make sure it is not a pleasant fun place to be with toys and distractions. You can put him in time out and leave the room to ignore his rude comments as well.

Sarah - posted on 03/20/2016

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When he is in time out, you should be ignoring him completely. He can sit and holler and say unkind things but as long as he stays put, you do nothing. if he gets up you wordlessly take him back and restart the time, no eye contact no discussion. By responding to his attempts to get your attention by behaving badly you are voiding the purpose of time out. Make no response, finish the time out, ask for an apology, if he refuses he can stay put for 4 more minutes, if he apologizes then hugs and kisses and it's forgotten. You might want to lay out the rule that back talk or rudeness will end him right back in time out. Praise him when he is polite.That step or chair may be like a revolving door for a few days but once he realizes; "if I say unkind things, i get ignored; when I am polite I get attention and praise" he will stop. It is the reward of attention he seeks, and cussing you out is getting your negative attention, but attention none the less

Ev - posted on 03/20/2016

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Does not seem like time outs work for him. You can always send him to his room to sit and come back when he can talk nicely to you and that it is not nice to talk back to anyone.

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