Battle of who should kids stay with while you & husband go on vacation?

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

Hello -

I have a little dilemma I'd like some advice about. My husband and I are going on a 6 day vacation and he secured my mother-in-law as the person who our 11 year old son will be staying with and I've never been comfortable with her ability to take care of my son and to be honest, she's never made an attempt for all these years to play the active role of grandma in his life due to my husband's sister having 3 kids and all her time has been spent helping his sister so she never had time for her other grandchildren. She takes his sisters kids to school which are all girls and they stay over at her house sometimes too so my problem that exists is that she's not the type of get on the floor and play with the kids kind of grandma and during our vacation time, our son still has 3 days of school and I am just not confident that he would be there on time or be picked up on time due to her other responsibilities and also living way across town from us. My son has a friend who's family has always loved having him over and they offerred to keep him while we are away and they take care of him just like we do and I know I wouldn't worry and my son wouldn't be calling me non-stop cause he is bored. I just want to hear that it's okay for me to feel this way about my child not staying with my MIL and staying with a friend instead since that's what he is comfortable with. He can play outside, go to the park, have awesome snacks, and just be himself and even play video games. I brought it up to my husband and he seems okay with it but I keep getting the feeling that just because his mom raised him that he thinks she is the best. There is so much more to being with your grandchildren other than watching them plus our friends live in our neighborhood and it's just way more convenient and I don't have to pack a bunch of things. I offerred for her to even stay at our house or have a key during this time to just give our son some downtime in his element and she got defensive which I don't understand. Thanks!

This conversation has been closed to further comments


View replies by

[deleted account]

Thanks! That would be ideal if she wouldn't mind coordinating with his friend's mom's but she will be bitter about this. The overall goal is to have a nice time on vacation.

[deleted account]

Thanks for your input. Yes, true there are a few underlying issues that have never been resolved and I didn't disclose here. My son doesn't feel comfortable which is the ultimate concern for me because the last time I left him with her was when he was 8 and came to find out that he was bounced around different houses of other family members because she had things to do and we also had to give them money to take care of him. I just don't agree with that.

Chet - posted on 08/15/2013




I feel like there is a lot more going on here than where your son should stay while you're away. It sounds like you have some resentment toward your MIL and your sister-in-law, and that is playing a role in your decision. Not all grandma's get down on the floor and play (do 11 year olds even get down on the floor and play?). Clearly though, somebody trusts your MIL to get kids to school if she takes her other grand children to school and gets them there on time. It seems crazy that she would agree to take your son to school and then make him late because it's more important for her to get her other grandchildren to their school on time! All that said, if you're going to worry so much about your son being with your MIL that it will ruin your trip you should send him to stay with his friend. If you want your son to develop a relationship with his grandma though (and this may be what you're sensing from your husband), that will only come from spending time with her. It can't all be on her to "show enough interest" either. You need to give her the opportunity. We don't live near family any more, but when we did, and our parents were providing childcare I would send our kids with "awesome snacks" and things to help keep them from getting bored because I felt that developing a relationship with their grandparents was important.

[deleted account]

If your husband is fine with your son staying with his friend, then I don't see a problem. If MIL really wants the time with your son and would be offended if she didn't get to keep him, maybe you could do a compromise where he stays the 3 school days with his friend, then visits MIL for the 3 days he is out of school. Since she spends the bulk of her time with the other grandkids, she might be looking forward to spending time with your son.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms