BD keeps making threats

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Ez - posted on 07/06/2011

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Is this for real? Where I live, people get slapped with Restraining Orders for FAR LESS than blatantly threatening someone's life. And I can't imagine a lawyer worth their salt advising a client against getting one in this case.

Spurned fathers kill ex-wives/partners ALL THE TIME!! Sometimes the children too, if they think it is the only way to hurt the ex. If this situation is genuine, you need to act now! Keep talking to people until someone can help you.

Tah - posted on 07/06/2011

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you keep saying he can't sleep..yet you are still on here talking to us...talk to us AFTER you go get a restraining order. if he is telling you this in front of your kids and puttung them in the middle, you certainly can get a restraining order....tick..tock...tick..tock..honey

Jodi - posted on 07/06/2011

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I agree with Erin. My ex threatened the lives of myself, my husband AND my stepkids, and I took out a DVO in the flash of an eye. If your lawyer is advising you not to, and this is a genuine situation, then your lawyer deserves to be fired. I'd be finding another one. If you genuinely fear for your life, and that of your son, then you should be acting on it NOW.

Tah - posted on 07/06/2011

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YOU CALL THE COPS...you then go to court and tell them what is going on and how he is making these threats in front of the children and get him supervised visits. thats child abuse worse than any pop to a bum id say. This is dangerous and don't take him lightly. Don't take his calls, you need to do this today, if he is saying he will kill you, he will. why would you take a chance, then you get yourseld to the gun range and self-defense classes TODAY...i wish he was in a different state, there are laws against making threats across state lines on the phone...look them up AFTER you get back from the police station, the self defense is because you can't throw the restraining order at him if he shows up, i mean you can, but it has less effect than a strategically placed kick to the groin or head. I was in an abusive relationship, he said im going to break your nose, 2 seconds later he did, next time someone wants to break something on me, we will both be in the hospital, i take classes so that i can make them work for it. Don't be a victim..GET HELP..at least for the kids...

http://www.circleofmoms.com/just-debates

Sneaky - posted on 07/05/2011

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Red flags all over this one Diane :o(

Go down to your local police station NOW and tell them EVERYTHING (take your son with you). At least it will be documented and they can tell you the best ways to keep yourself and your son safe.

Please do this now - you do NOT want to be a statistic.

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Betsy - posted on 07/15/2011

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YES GO TO THE POLICE, ASAP!!! In NJ, they have a domestic abuse hotline, and safe houses when it is needed. Google Domestic abuse for your area. call for help, they can help direct you in the proper directions on how to handle this.



Betsy

Candice - posted on 07/15/2011

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Wow that's crazy....i got mine within 2 hours but it was an emergency because he had just beaten me up and the police acted fast to a judges approval. if he does any little thing like so much as calls your phone, don't answer just call the police to come make a report of it and let them know your waiting on a restraining order approval, maybe that will speed things up.

Jodi - posted on 07/14/2011

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What a ridiculous system that it takes that long!!!! That's just STUPID.

Candice - posted on 07/12/2011

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i dont know what a welfare check is. Have you gone to get your restraining order? Stay strong.

Jodi - posted on 07/12/2011

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I can't understand why it takes so long to get a protective order......here you can get an emergency one pretty much immediately. We walk into the court, file it, serve it (or pay a service to serve it), and from that moment, it is in action as a temporary until it is heard in the court (usually within a week).

Candice - posted on 07/12/2011

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it sounds stupid but don't show too much emotion to the police right now, like crying...i know it's hard but you need to be strong and show the police that you are strong for your child. To date you have'nt done much to show them they can trust you. The cops just feel you and your ex are just wasting their time and giving them loads of paperwork. You need to show them your serious and calmly ask them what you can do to stop all this. One thing the cops told me was that they were very pleased to see that i wasn't just another angry ex trying to get the police involved and wasting their time and once they saw that i was serious they totally looked after me.

Candice - posted on 07/09/2011

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ok i was in the same situation about 5 years ago...first of all i know what your feeling, i say its like being brain washed...you believe that you cant get a restrainging order because im sure you've told him at least at one point in your relationship with him that you will get the cops involved and he's said what will happen to you if you do (like basically no one will find your body) and you believe him. I was with my childrens father for 5 years and got my ass beat almost daily for about 4 of those years. Yes alot of woman who have'nt been in this situation are probably being rude to you like HELLO just fucking get the restraining order already....i understand why your scared. Well about over a year after i left there father i still had never called the cops on him but the threats and the phone calls were literally making me crazy...one day he asked me to give him a ride to a friends house (and i still had hope i could make him stop being so violent and have my happy family with him) well of course the whole ride he was threatening me so i just pulled over at a liqour store and asked him to get out...got my ass beat again and as i was driving away felt blood in my hair and just called 911, i had had enough, the police got me an emergency restraing order that day and from that day on he's never bothered me!!!! But and this is the real reason this worked for me is not the restraining order itself (thats just a peice of paper) its the fact that i ignored all contact with him and everytime i got a phone call from him i would immediatly call the police and report it even if i got a private phone call i called the police and reported it and when the police would come they would call him and tell him to stop calling me ( he would lie and say that his phone accidently dialed my number whatever he was still in violation of my order) also my persistence proved to the cops that i was not just another battered wife calling and than getting back with the jackass and basically wasting the cops time, no i actually had the DA and the detective on my case calling me with updates on my ex. This nonesense only lasted less than a year. my ex saw how serious i was and doesnt bother me at all anymore. dont do the restraing order unless your going to be serious!! that day changed my life for the better, i was finally not brain washed anymore and he slowly stopped hoping we'd get back together too, he's not jealous of someone else being with me and he wants the best for me now, in a way it helped him to grow up alot too. i still dont share custody of my kids with him because i feel he's way too immature but were at peace which im sure is where you want to be. good luck!!! hope this helped.

[deleted account]

Agree with you Elsie.....Seriously, abuse is NOT taken lightly these days especially with children, if this is truely happening then it is child endangerment, child abuse,verbal abuse towards you which in most states now is still domestic violence even if you two are split..... long story short you CAN do something and seriously need to before something happens to your child just to prove a point to you. Happens all the time.

Elsie - posted on 07/08/2011

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Okay, I`m sorry and I`m not be sarcastic to you, but really?... The detective made an appointment to see you about a death threat???? Why the hell would you have to have an appointment, they should be at your friggin doorstep the same day you called! This is so weird. And a lawyer who thinks a restraining order would make matters worse. What the hell? For who, you, him or her?
So confused. Good luck

Jodi - posted on 07/07/2011

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Diane

If the therapist suspects any abuse is going on, she/he will be obligated to report it, so see that as a good thing. If I were you, I would confirm that the detective is going to talk to you on Saturday. Finally, tell your lawyer you pay him, not the other way around, so if you want his support to file a restraining order, then he can damn well do it, or hand your case over to someone else.

Christy - posted on 07/07/2011

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Keep a written log (dates, times, etc) of all verbal incidents, and if you can, RECORD the conversations. This man should not be around his own freakin' children, he is off his rocker totally. What if he acts on his threats?

Once you get evidence of his behavior under your belt, file a police report and go for full custody. You don't want your kids to EVER think his behavior is OK.

[deleted account]

Get your kid and disappear (legally, of course).... and since the last time you posted about this creep (BD) I said I'd be sitting at the court house until I got full custody and supervised visitations.... I'm not going to bother responding anymore.



I KNOW you are scared, but you need to ACT now... before someone ends up dead.

Jodi - posted on 07/07/2011

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Well, she isn't worth the $35 she is charging you, sorry. If these are genuine threats, and you have evidence of them, you won't be worse off at all. Do you have evidence of these threats, or only the word of your son?

Kyleigh - posted on 07/07/2011

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yes attrny said it would make matters worse..i pay her 35 a hour (its pro bono or based off income)

Gina - posted on 07/07/2011

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I meant are you too scared to do anything? Diane,of course you're scared you got reason to be. Find another lawyer and protect yourself and your son. You're his mother and your son needs you to protect him.

Kyleigh - posted on 07/06/2011

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there isnt anything i can do. a detective called and set up a time to press charges...DS is seeing a therapist fri! i dont know yes i am scared!!

Gina - posted on 07/06/2011

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I agree Tracey,What's the real deal Diane? Why haven't you acted? Are you scared? Please get help,there are people who can help you if you ask for help.

Sneaky - posted on 07/06/2011

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This pisses me off - if you don't want honest advice, support and help why did you post the question?

Krista - posted on 07/06/2011

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Exactly. It's no big shocker that the poor kid can't sleep.

So DO something about it!

Call a lawyer. If you can't afford a lawyer, call legal aid.

Why on earth are you putting this off?

Jodi - posted on 07/06/2011

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"You dont understand I cant get a RO on just my DS and me!"

Why can't you?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/06/2011

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Diane, that is why I said "can you blame him" I was meaning, your poor son cannot sleep because he is hearing these aweful things about his mother.

Kyleigh - posted on 07/06/2011

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I just know with the drilling of questions and my DS living at BDs he is constant recording as well as his gf is listening on the phone all the time and then saying on sprkphone just wait..im going to come personally and put a bullet in your head. THATS SCARY!
Poor DS cant sleep

Elsie - posted on 07/06/2011

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Have you at least talked to someone? Other than here? A lawyer or councilor or the police? There has to be someone who you can talk to who will let you know what to do. Your ex maybe all talk but do you really want to take the chance.
You are right though, we don't know the whole story, but we are telling you what we'd do if in the same situation. Good luck and I hope everything turns out okay.

Lindsey - posted on 07/06/2011

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You definitely need to start taking some steps like everyone else has said. Call the police, get a restraining order, record all conversationg that happern (although I dont recommend talking to him at all), DO NOT let your son see him or talk to him, talk to a lawyer about next steps, and definitely look into self defence classes.
Definitely don't let your son see him or talk to him though, not only for his safety and well being, but because there have been cases in the last year or two where a deranged father was talking like that and convinced his kids during his visitation times to kill their mother, and they did attempt to drown their mother while their father was away with an airtight alibi. Luckily they did not succeed and they are living happily together.
But do not take that chance. You need to protect your son and yourself immediately. I sure hope you have already called the police.

Gina - posted on 07/06/2011

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OMG I can't believe you haven't called the police! I would do that,and get a lawyer.A women's shelter can be a great help in support and they would protect you because honey you need it.
I would keep my son away from that man and tape all phone calls,you are not safe and either is your son.You might say BD will never hurt your son but the fact is you can never be sure what he'll do to hurt you.
Get help before something happens.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/06/2011

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Can you blame him? His mother's life is being threatened by his father. Have you called the police yet? And if not, would you like your son to see you get injured? This is a very real possibility. If you are not gonna do it for you, do it for your kids.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/06/2011

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I would NOT hesitate to call the cops! DO IT NOW! What are you waiting for? An invitation? Him telling you he is gonna put a bullet in your head is beyond serious!

Michelle - posted on 07/06/2011

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your son is old enough to fully comprehend what his father is doing and saying to him though the threats are towards you this is still verbal abuse towards your son. Find a lawyer now before your son has to go for a month with his dad you may be able to stop this visit which from the sounds of it would be in the best interest of the child seek help now. I wish you luck but please talk to someone who can legally help you keep your child from this man.

Jenni - posted on 07/06/2011

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Restraining order and tape recorder. Record everytime he calls and what is said.

Elsie - posted on 07/06/2011

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Do you have a women's crisis center where you are? That would probably be the best place to call and find out your options. Unfortunately just going to the police may not be enough protection. Do go to the police but ask for any information on them and DO GET A LAWYER fast!! Don't wait.

Krista - posted on 07/05/2011

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Um yeah. You call the police, and then you call a lawyer. Now. You and your son are in danger, and you need to take this seriously.

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