Beauty in the world after your child passes away: anyone having a hard time like me?

Danielle - posted on 05/15/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My sweet angel, Blue Evangelina (Evie) passed away Feb. 19th at 2:09 pm in the afternoon, this is the day my world fell apart completely. It was horribly sudden and such a tragedy to me. She was such a strong, growing, learning 9month old, my first and only child, my everything, my world. Now, I am having such trouble finding beauty in the world around me: it's like, she was what made life tolerable, worth living, she could cheer up cranky people and make them smile with just a toothy baby smile, or even just her presence. She was beautiful and kind and it seemed like she just emanated beauty onto the world I lived in. Now, with her gone, it seems people are cold and uncaring. They do horrible things; to each other and to the world around them. The streets we loved strolling down now seem empty but for garbage and mean spirited human beings. The places we used to love to go now seem empty and devoid of anything that will bring pleasure to someone. People seem to say and do cruel things to one another. The news seems filled with terrible events, not like when Evie and I watched it each morning, her eating her little oatmeal or multi grain cereal with purée blueberries and formula to drink. My little apartment seemed like a safe, cozy nest for Evie and I, now it feels like a prison cell I'm stuck in. When I HAVE to go out of my apartment, and I have to see people, I try to smile and say good morning/afternoon/evening, but people either act as if I don't exist or they give me a cruel look like I am bothering them with my mere existence. No longer do they smile and greet me also like they did when I was walking my babygirl Evie. I guess my question is this: does anyone else feel this away after their precious baby became an angel? If so, how do you carry on and live well, without falling into a deep depression? How do you find beauty in this world that seems only filled with ugly? I know the other little children in the world are absolutely beautiful, but even they make me sad because I miss my OWN little love-bug: my precious wonderful perfect Evie. Any comments or advice, moms? Evie would be turning one year old in only a few days from now... It's going to be extremely hard on my heart and I could use any and all advice on how to carry on... Thanks, Evies mommy, Danielle

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