Been here since Jan. Still no one really talking to me.
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Tarina - posted on 03/23/2011
:) You'd be surprised how much you can have in common with someone older than you - or how much you can learn from them! Kids and the Army are two VERY BIG topics! Even just those 2 things would be more than enough to start a conversation, and a friendship-- the struggles that come with those two things, and the amazing things our kids do every day makes for very not boring conversation! Even things you dont have in common can become great conversation - if they are talking about pottery, maybe it would peak your interest and you could find a new hobby or interest you never would have considered! Try just taking your kid(s) for a walk down the street now that its getting nicer out - walk by them, say hello, introduce yourself and your kid(s). You can atleast get a feel for them from a 10 or 20 minute conversation, then do it again the next week, or the next day! Pretty soon, you will be right down there chatting with them :) As far as activities, once youve met them and talked a few times, you will feel more comfortable asking them if they know of anything going on locally that your kids would be interested in, or places to visit, museums, parks, etc. Try looking up your local bus route - see what the bus drives by each day! Take a few days and just really explore your new city :) Check in with your child's school also! They usually have fliers of places you can take your kids for different activities (like the library as a few people mentioned) - See if your town (or a nearby bigger city) has a park district you can join. Where did you move to? I could try to find a link online for you of some local things you could do if I knew where to look :)
Carolyn - posted on 03/23/2011
Tammera you have to put yourself out there and be willing to walk up and start talking to people. How else do you expect to met people. If you are not willing to put yourself out there, than you are leaving the responsibility on other people to come and start talking to you, a stranger to them.
You never know what you have in common with someone until you TALK to them. I am 26 , I have several friends who are 40 and over, and we have alot in common and have fun.
If you talk yourself out of approaching someone, or knocking on the neighboors door to introduce yourself, or not going to check something out because your not sure if they can help, well nothing will change. If you dont ask you wont know.
If you want change in your life, you need to take control , take some risks and put yourself out there. You cant expect other people to do what you wont, go up and say hi.
Carolyn - posted on 03/23/2011
Try talking to a one of your neighboors, ask them if their is a community bulletin board you can look at to find fun activities for the kids, they can meet other children and you can meet other moms. You might also find a mom's group or a book club, a babysitter.
Surely there is some type of community building on base where you should be able to find this information. Is there a family resource number ? Our military base has times where there recreation facility is open to the public and we can take our kids swimming, or watch a movie with other kids while parents hit the court etc.. even if we dont live on base or are in the military.
Is there a YMCA where you live? bring the kids for a family swim, enroll them in swimming lessons.
Walk into these activities with a smile on your face and a positive and open attitude and strike up a conversation with a parent about how much the kids just love it, how old is your daughter bla bla bla bla.
Im sure you could even find stuff online where you could get out an meet people on you rlocal free classifieds sites, for some places its craigslist, here is kijiji , what ever is in your area.
if nothing changes nothing will change. So get out and do some fun stuff with the kids , it will be better for everyone!
Katherine - posted on 03/27/2011
Here is one community on Circle of Moms for army wives:
and if you go to my communities you can do a search to find more. Also try meetup.com to try to meet new people and participate in mommy groups.
Caroline - posted on 03/27/2011
Hello Tammera, just read your post. I probably don't have that much too offer but common sense and maturity.... here goes...... From what I read, you are young, lonely and don't have much spare cash to spash around. I really empathise with you. I've been through similar circumstances when everyone around me seemed to be bonded to friends, and through no fault of your own, you seem to be the new kid on the block that no-one seems to be interested in. I live in Australia, am married to an extrememly successful businessman, have a beautiful house, take care of my appearance, but most women seem to dislike me. I'm kind, well mannered and giving with my time but yet no-one seemed to be interested. I so badly wanted to go back to my home city, Brisbane, but my husband just refused, so I had to like it or lump it. Well, I lumped it for about 6 years. Yes, it took me about 6, maybe even closer to 7 years to finally find some like-minded mums that I could trust and REALLY call friends. I've read some of the posts that other mums have left, and some of them really don't make allowances for you as an individual. Are you extra shy? Are you quiet? Are you attractive and women are intimidated by you? Too many variables. In my case, I think jealousy from other women stopped their friendship. But you may be different. You may be just shy and some women may think you are not interested in talking to them. I know that that's not the case with you, but a lot of women are hard to become good friends with. As Seinfeld says "you don't make friends after 30". It's almost so true. However, recently, I have made a friend, a very good friend and I think a friend for life. She is becoming my soul-mate friend. I have also met quite a few of her friends who seem to include/embrace me nicely. It's hard Tammera. Be true to yourself, be kind, be polite and seek friendship with those that you truely think are "your kind of friends" and leave the ones alone that just fill in the gap "the friends that you would only have coffee with but would never have over for wine". That's my advice, you may be a little lonely, but believe me, you will be just as lonely if you live the life that I did, by trying, trying so hard with women that resented you, disliked you, were jealous of you but used you for wasting time. It just leades to crap relationships and unhappiness. It may not take you 6 years to find your feet, like it took me, but I'm happy now and have learned so so much from a lot of nice women and have learned more from bitchy, unfriendly women. You learn as you go. Be true to yourself and I'm sure you will meet a lovely mum who enjoys doing what you enjoy and maybe your husbands will enjoy a beer together too (when they are back from Afganistan?). Hang in there mama, you have to wait to find the man of the dreams and sometimes you have to wait to find the friend of your dreams too :)
Elizabeth - posted on 03/26/2011
I am so not advertising for a company but I know that when I was feeling super lonely on mat leave for a year I started selling Avon. I met a ton of ladies with kids and made a lot of friends. Have you thought of getting a new circle of friends with a business or a mom group?
Tammera - posted on 03/23/2011
I moved to Louisiana. Went to the park again today. Finally met someone that would talk to me or that I didn't freak out and them walk away. I started the convo just to let ya know that I do try to talk to people. She been having the problem that I am and have a lot in common. Someone told me to go to a FRG meeting or something like that. Never heard of it before but guess I'll find it and give it a try.
Jocelyn - posted on 03/23/2011
I met a lot of SAHM and SAHD's at our local swimming pool. We go to the $2 public swim in the middle of the day. It's been the same group going for over 3 years now. I wouldn't call us really close knit, but they are great to shoot the breeze with lol
Amy - posted on 03/23/2011
There must be a library somewhere near the base, most libraries offer story hours for the kids. When my son was younger we did a music and movement class and there was a little girl that was a couple of months younger then him and we do play dates all the time still. You can also go to meetup.com and search for playgroups in your area that you can join. When joining a group keep an open mind and don't necessarily write a mom off because she's older then you, you may find you have things in common!
Tammera - posted on 03/23/2011
with the neighbors, i never see them. i know people live in the houses around me but i have yet to see anyone come or leave. i don't wanna just go knocking on strangers doors just to talk ya know. at the beginning of my road, there's a group of people that sit outside every day while their kids play in a mob lol. they're all way older than me though. they're be nothing to relate except for kids and army. :( i've been looking online for places to go. things to do. activities going on but i can't find any. guess i'm just not doing it right. idk. thought about going to the ACS building to see if they could help me but idk if they'll offer those kind of services.
Tammera - posted on 03/23/2011
yes, i mean i moved. gone to what things? i don't know anything. this is my first army experience. first time on my own. i don't know where to go. i know one person my husband introduced me to before he deployed. she is horrible though and i can not allow my kids to keep being her in company.
Louise - posted on 03/23/2011
Tammera do you mean you have lived somewhere since January or you have been on this site since january.
If you have moved house then you have to make an effort and put yourself out there to meet people. Encourage your kids to join some clubs that they are interested in and by default you will meet people too. I don't know how old your kids are, if they are small then join the local mums and tots and when you have gone a few times people will include you in things. You have to get the courage to speak to people and be approachable to break down barriers. Good luck it is not easy, but it can be done.
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