Before I got merried my husband new that I do not like holloween, do not participate in any way, and that I did not want our children to participate if we ever had any kids... Now we have 2 boys, and our older 4 year old learned about trick or treting at school. I was going to tell him that we do not participate in trick or treating or halooween, but my husband went against our agrrement and took him treeck or treating. It goes against my values and beliefes. I am angry furious with him. I respect those who participate, just do not want in my house. I feel betraied. Talk to him does not help. What do I do?

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♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/01/2011

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There is nothing more satisfying for a parent to see their child genuinely happy.

Sherri - posted on 11/01/2011

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Maybe Claudia his views changed when he listened to your son's wishes?? As I said you can have a very strong view but it can change over time and sometimes you can get a different perspective when you hear your children out.

I completely understand your frustration but I think that parenting isn't always so straight forward sometimes things evolve and change when you have children.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2011

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I want to bring up another BIG point also....so if you AND your husband decide NOT to do it again, and your son asks WHY....please be respectful in your answer to him. He will not understand "values" and "beliefs". You don't want him walking up to the other kids in class and say "you are evil cause you dress up in costume and get candy for it" or "you are bad for celebrating Halloween". Just saying, be careful in your explanation.

Brianna - posted on 11/01/2011

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ur hubby probably felt bad for ur son to have to miss out on halloween i mean everyone else at school is talking about it and celibrating it will make him a outcast... im sorry but i dont blame ur hubby for taking him... i really dont see the problem with halloween..

Sherri - posted on 11/01/2011

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@Ebby I say the 4yr old should have a say in the conversation to explain his reasoning and wanting to participate. His feeling should be taken into consideration, sometimes listening to your children can really change your perspective on things.

Also with wearing costumes to school, having halloween parades at school and halloween parties at school how do you deal with this? but then say sorry you can participate in all this but no trick or treating for you. So just saying sometimes yes even a 4yr olds view should be heard.

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Claudia - posted on 11/02/2011

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just to finhish this, in my home my children do not make decisions. They may very well want to do a lot of things that I, as a parent, do not aproove and I will not let them do or have just because the rest of the world think it is ok. I have my values for my home, and I do not interfere or disrespect other people morals and beliefs. In your home your children tell you what to do, in my home, I tell them what to do.

Claudia - posted on 11/02/2011

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Sammy mama, thank you again, I talked to my husband and we decide to do a harvest party next year and no more trick or treating.

Bonnie - posted on 11/02/2011

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The kids are going to want to go no matter what. So yes, the kids voicing their thoughts and opinions is great, but the discussion should be mainly between you and your husband.

Kate CP - posted on 11/01/2011

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Most kids just see Halloween as a time to wear a cool costume and get free candy. It's not about ghosts and goblins and demons for them. Hell, most Churches do a Trunk Or Treat or a Fall Festival of some sort.

Halloween has been so commercialized that it holds almost no religious significance to most people. That being said, yea, you should be pissed your husband went against your wishes. When you say talking to him doesn't help, what do you mean? You mean he doesn't listen to you when you talk? Do you mean it doesn't make you feel better when you talk to him? He doesn't agree with you any more?

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/01/2011

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@Lacye .....
I would like to know as well, but she will not say.....

Medic - posted on 11/01/2011

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I think I agree with Julie. If it is that important to you then you should have kept him home on the days they did halloween things at school. Just because your husband "knew" what you wanted doesn't mean that what he wants has not changed. Now I am not saying what he wants is more important that what you want but the flip is true too. Your wants are no more important than his. Kids will be kids and they want to do what their friends are doing. This will be a battle your childrens whole lives and I also think the reasoning is important. How else can good valid advice be given?

Julie - posted on 11/01/2011

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Don't you get a schedule saying what your child will be doing at school? Maybe you should have kept him home on the day(s) they'd be having Halloween parties/activites...

I do think the reason you don't want to celebrate Halloween is important to give an honest opinion to your situation.

Stifler's - posted on 11/01/2011

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I agree his views might have changed with having kids and seeing how fun trick or treating is for kids.

Claudia - posted on 11/01/2011

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I did not get married very young. And I did sit down with him BEFORE getting married and talked about what was important to me and him. My decision to marry was not only on love and passion, but also beliefs, morals, money, and even potitical views. I was 100% honest and now I do not feel that he was. About letting my children making choices, they will once they are out of my home. I belive in under my roof, my laws. I grew up under this rule and survived. I will listen and explain, but my decision and my husband's will prevail. NOW, back to holloween, the reason I do not participate does not matter, what matter is the fact that he did not keep his side of the agreement. The reason many marriages fail is because issues are not discussed beforehand. I did it. We even went to premarital seminars and 6 months of premarital couseling, to make sure that we talked about every possible issue. Now I am fealing betraied.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/01/2011

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I agree as well, kids are there own people and should be able to voice their concern, opinions, and be able to disagree. But to me when I hear or see the words "(insert name) Should have a say" to me that means there opinion will be taken into consideration and/or actually implemented in someway and in this case that wont happen with the 4year old….or will it??

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2011

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I would love to hear from another person who does not do Halloween and how they deal with all the pressures of society. You cannot watch tv, go into stores, or go around your neighborhood without reminders.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2011

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I gotta agree with Sherri's thoughts on this. Kids are there own people. I hate to say it, but they want to fit in with their peers, and want to join in the fun when it comes to dressing up at school.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/01/2011

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So just saying sometimes yes even a 4yr olds view should be heard.

^^@Sherri, so that is what you mean, when you say HE is to have a say, okay I agree with that

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/01/2011

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Yep Marina I agree with that!!!
OP please be mindful of what you say to your 4year. Keep it simple and as he gets older explain more.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/01/2011

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oh and by the way I think you should explain to your 4year old why YOU dont like Halloween. The reason why I asked if a 4year old should have a say or not, is because we ALL know what his answer would be, now if he was older then he should have a say...but even then im sure his say would not matter if he is living under your roof.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/01/2011

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If talking is not helping, then yep you have to compromise with him. And did he ever agree to the kids never getting to participate in Halloween? You say he knew..but did he say okay I agree?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2011

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Well, I have no idea why you don't like Halloween, and I am not going to try to convince you otherwise. BUT that is the same thing you should be thinking about your husbands feelings. YOU want nothing to do with it, so he has to give it up permanently? And the children are expected never to know anything about it? When you grow up with it, it is part of your culture. Your husband wants to share that with his children, because I am sure he loved doing this as a kid. It probably makes him feel like a kid again and brings back great memories for him, and creates new ones with his kid.

I would say sit down and discuss it, but be open minded. You really can't set rules about children before you have them. That is not fair to you, your husband, and most of all the kids.

[deleted account]

If you had that conversation before getting married and he understood and respected your view and agreed NOT to do it. He is 100% in the wrong and I know how much that sucks.



It doesn't matter WHAT the offending 'thing' is.... it's about respect for your spouse.



Now... if he didn't fully know about your beliefs beforehand this would be a totally different situation. Of course, if he's like MY ex.... he would just deny that the pre-marriage conversation ever even took place. @@ :(

Sherri - posted on 11/01/2011

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You need to sit down with your husband and yes your children too because they should have a say as well and come to a compromise.

Savvy Mama - posted on 11/01/2011

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I would suggest trying to tell him how it made you feel. Perhaps you can come up with an agreement to have a family Fall Party instead - invite family over, especially if there are cousins. Play some fun games and have a cook out with a fall-themed cake?
Would you be against handing out candy to those who are trick or treating? You could let your children help with that if not...
There has to be a way that you can communicate with your husband without it being an argument of sorts.
The fall party was the first thing that came to my mind.

JuLeah - posted on 11/01/2011

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It should have been a discussion, a family conversation (well, you and your husband) It was not okay for him to do this.

If he feels as strongly about it as you do, maybe a middle ground can be found? I don't know what your objections are ... maybe he can take them to a kid friendly party? Myabe you all can host your own party so you have control over the contents?

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