Roxanne - posted on 02/16/2012 ( 29 moms have responded )
My 5 year old son and i are about to move in with my fiancee. He has 4 children aged 15, 11, 7 and 5. He and his ex have a very civil relationship for the sake of the children. He gets them almost every weekend and helps put with them randomly through out the week. So far everything is great, I absolutely love his children.
I have met his ex several times, since the boys play hockey, and often we are all in attendance at the games. She has initiated conversation with me, seeming to want to get to know me. I have tried not shy away too much, but I simply just don't know what to say to her, I've never really had too many female friends. She seems (up front) to be genuinely happy for my fiancee and I; she is in a relationship of her own, and they've been together for a year longer than we have. However, he says to watch my back. She only partakes in something when it benefits her, and I can definitely see where having me around and keeping things on good terms can be beneficial, not to mention its great for the kids. I am attempting to take his words with a grain of salt. Yes, he knows her better than I do, and knows all of the games she plays, but he does have emotional grudges underlying the subtext, and I like to get to know people on my own terms.
One thing that kind of has me questioning though is that she offered to keep my son over the summer break when he's not in school. She runs a dayhome and has the room. I guess I'm just really apprehensive of the situation as I have heard that some bio/step-mom relationships can be very explosive. It would be amazing if everything worked out though, and I think that maybe I should just count myself as lucky and get rid of those fears. I guess I'm mostly concerned about giving her some control over my son, but this does let me understand some of what she might be feeling knowing that I have some control over her children. My fiancee is a little bit apprehensive as well, but thinks it might be a great idea. The 2 five year olds are only 2 weeks apart in age and are nearly inseparable when in the same house (even look like they could be twins.... for now, LOL). This could be great, not only for all of the kids, but for all of the adults involved too. Has anyone ever had this sort of situation? Can you give me some advice?