behavior

Rebbecca - posted on 10/20/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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my grandson is 3 and he has in past 3 months started to act out. he spits in my face, will hit, kick, tantrums, gag himself with his entire fist or other objects or He will throw his hands into hot food. He WANTS me to spank him..he will actually say that!! He was reaching for something hot and i said NO that will hurt you and swatted his hand...dont freak out ppl it was a swat NOT a smack...he looked at me and shoved both hands into HOT beans!! His dr said sleep deprivation...but he now takes naps and sleeps all night and its getting worse! I come from a generation that spanks and his grandpa want to whip his butt and i dont allow it, yes he has been spanked by me and it dis nothing but make him do MORE so spanking is not happening. time outs are a waste of time and exhausting! My grandson is with except preschool for 6 hrs in the week so I know he gets attention and isnt deprived. HELP????

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Samantha - posted on 10/21/2013

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For me, boys and girls are SOOOOOOO different! We have a theory on this: Little boys are displaced warriors. Not only are they taught by society that they are the protectors and providers, it is 100% inherent in their DNA! Girls, we're inherently caregivers, nurturers; this is why little, little girls love and care for their baby dolls, it's just in us! (Just for the record, I do not care if boys play with dolls, girls with trucks; I'm not trying to enforce gender roles, just trying to lend explanation as to why we are as we are. My son has a couple of dolls, and likes to steal his sisters regularly! lol)

Little boys are raw! Raw energy and vitality! They still need our gentle love and compassion, and to have this energy directed, and they look to other men (sometimes I feel more than girls look to other women) to show them what it is to be that strong man. I am not a psychologist, just an avid observer. I'm glad my response made you feel better, believe it or not, your post did the same for me :) We are not alone!

Samantha - posted on 10/20/2013

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This sounds SO familiar! Does your grandson speak well? My son started this at 3 as well. One thing, around this age boys get a massive dose of testosterone (making them little man-ape-children!) He has a lot, lot, lot of energy (as kids do and should have), but gets over stimulated easily. When he gets overstimulated, he starts to kick, hit, and throw things. Spankings or any type of discipline like this do not work for him. His outbursts are so bad that I cannot send him to daycare. He does go to a special preschool (he has a speech delay) and that has helped him a LOT! They still have issues with his behavior, but are trained and able to deal with him for the most part.

The only thing that seems to work for my son is a SERIOUS time out. He gets one warning to stop his behavior, and if he does not, he goes to his room. We have taken the time to be sure there is nothing in his room he can hurt himself with, and without a word (other than "it's time to go to your room"), we put him in his room and use a little latch on the door to keep the door shut. For every year old your child is, it is one minute in time out. So for my son, he stays in there for four minutes. This might sound barbaric to some mothers, but desperate times call for desperate measures (this type of discipline was suggested by his pediatrician). If my son is quiet for one minute, he then gets to come out early and is praised excessively for controlling his temper. There are days where it seems like he lives in there, but this too shall pass. The pediatrician assured me the child will not do anything to gravely hurt themselves, and if they do cause pain to themselves, they will never do it again! This is the child trying to figure out how they can get the most attention (I know you stated you give your grandson a lot of attention, but they always want MORE, MORE I TELL YA! lol!) He, and my son as well, need to know they cannot get our attention this way.

I am all for talking to your children. I have a 12 year old daughter I NEVER had to go to such extremes with. I was always able to explain to her why her behavior was not appropriate, and she typically complied with my wishes. She also spoke very well by nine months old (and hasn't stopped since!!! lol!) My son however, because of his speech delay is much harder to communicate with.

My son went through a phase where he simply did not sleep. We ended up giving him a very small dose of melatonin at night before bed, and this helped him a lot. We also added a few more things to his bedtime routine, he gets to pick his pajamas, we shower, brush teeth, read a book, then its bedtime. The more you can add to the child's routine, the more secure he will be and will know what to expect.

Rebbecca, it is so, SO hard to be strong in these times. And I can almost guarantee you will get criticism from mothers who have had well behaved, obedient children. I'll even admit that when my daughter was young and I saw a mother with an out of control child I thought to myself "why can't she get that child under control." Well, karma is a real stinker, and I now understand what those mothers were going through for the most part. And it is VERY hard to be a tough mommy (or grandmommy) in these times. Yes we need to talk to our children, but we also need to understand their world. They will not respond to adult reasoning!

The hot bean thing? Well ouch! I have to say, and I'm sure you know this, but children do the strangest things sometimes. I was a very well behaved child, but even I remember when I jumped into the top of a fast waterfall at five years old. I remember it clear as day, but for the life of me, I do not remember why. Every child is so different, just like every adult is, and no two things work the same for each one. I know what I do for my son wont work for everyone, but hopefully I have given you something to go on. Good luck!

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Rebbecca - posted on 10/21/2013

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THANK YOU! (a sigh of relief) He speaks very well and Dr's say he is"normal" in development. He takes 1.5 mg of melatonin at night ..some nights it works some nights not so noticable. He can go from sitting in your lap love bug to a snap of the finger punching you in the face! He has an 8 yr old brother so he understands punching & being rough hurts! He loves preschool and the teacher says he doesnt act out there at all. Its so hard for me to "understand" as his mother(my daughter) was literally the perfect, sweet, loving child that hardley ever acted out..until teenage years :) I have never raised a boy but..OH MY!!!

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