being a stay at home mom isnt a job

Miracle - posted on 01/30/2018 ( 33 moms have responded )

102

0

14

bein a stay at home mother to ur own kids is not a “job. don't care how difficult it is or how hard u work. period.getting to do nothing but raise a person u chose to bring into the world is a privilege, and calling it anything else is ignorant and condescending. i think being a stay at home mom is fine but i see too many posts on here callin it a damn job. just want to voice my opinion

33 Comments

View replies by

Danielle - posted on 02/03/2018

7

0

1

I have been a working mom at times, and stay at home mom at others and neither were easy. BOTH A LOT OF WORK! Right now I am working full-time, as son is in middle of school year. When summer comes, I will cut back to half time, and if necessary leave this job in order find one that will allow the schedule that is best for us.

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2018

10,816

0

27

I am replying because I am still asking a question that has not been answered. No one is saying one is better than the other; or easier than then other. What started out as a debate over semantics has evolved into some sort of "pissing contest" from lack of a better phrase.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't have to call a parent at work to tell them to come collect their child; and many times I have to go the next person on the list and so on. Kids get hurt, they get sick and that interferes with even a SAHM mothers daily routine as well. Why not support each other's choices rather than criticize the length of responses?

Ev - posted on 02/03/2018

8,314

7

919

I never said that to shame you. But you make SAHM sound like it is not work and all fund and games when it is not. And taking on two more kids that are older than the ones you have is a challenge and not all schools will just set up times to go over issues from after school hours. Some issues like what you described do get calls in the middle of the day and the parents have to come immediately to the school, I have been there....I have co-workers who have too. The school is not going to wait to take care of an issue when a parent is off of work...they will want it tended to now. The only time I met with teachers during the 6-8 pm slot was during parent teacher conferences. That was planned...kids getting into trouble is not planned and when it comes to where a kid is about to be suspended...school won't wait until a parent is done at work to come handle things...they want the parent there asap.

I worked as a mom so I know how it goes. When the kids got sick who stayed home with them from work? ME. No one would watch them sic because it would get the other kids sick.

Miracle - posted on 02/03/2018

102

0

14

and honestly ev bringing up that stuff just sounds like ur shaming me for working. but you know being pregnant, having my two kids, and then having my two nephews theres never been a more important time for me to be a working mom...

Miracle - posted on 02/03/2018

102

0

14

ev, i think u are forgetting that most women work. i work a 9 to 5. and i still find a way to raise my kids. so dont be concerned on how im gonna "handle things". & no, i don't take time away from work for school issues. every school confrence ive ever been to is scheduled anywhere between six to eight .anyway, i never said stay at home moms sat around all day. i was a stay at home mom for a year like i said. but staying at home all day with the kids u chose to bring into world is not a job.

Ev - posted on 02/03/2018

8,314

7

919

Miracle--I have to agree with Sarah on one thing---a working mom is not taking care of her kids when she works and even though she does a lot of things when she gets home that a SAHM does--someone else has had a working mom's kids all day or for the shift she worked. And it is not a fair comparison really---a working mom is at a job away from the home while someone is with her kids and a SAHM is at home with her kids.

Also, just because a SAHM has all day does not mean she is just sitting around. I did not just sit around all day and my mother certainly did not. Yes, there are those that do but they must have someone else doing their home cleaning and caring for their kids to do it.

You have also said in another post you have taken on a couple of other children and now are pregnant. How is that going to work out for you being a working mom? Also you said there were issues at school with the older two kids--how does that work out for you being a working mom because you have to take time away from the job to handle that too.

Miracle - posted on 02/03/2018

102

0

14

not a fair question honey. u have replied w/ 3 long ass paragraphs. and here u are replying again. why is this such a issue for u?

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2018

4,903

8

3249

You actually don't have to keep replying with the same argument.
I have also been both a working Mum and a SAHM and they both have their challenges. Staying at home means sacrifices and watching what money is spent. Working means missing some important events for the kids.
It's not a privilege to stay at home, it is I guess a bit of a luxury that a lot of women can't have. Most households these days need both parents to work to have a decent standard of living.
I would look at a SAHM as a volunteer job. If you volunteered at your local charity store a few days a week, you would say you are going to work. The only thing is you don't get paid for it, just like a SAHM.
I work at the moment and my job isn't over when I get home as the other job I have is looking after my family. It's the unpaid job I have but it's a job. Just because someone who stays at home has more hours to do the same job doesn't give it any less meaning.

Miracle - posted on 02/01/2018

102

0

14

i dont think i sound defensive. both of u keep replying so i have to say something back. ive said my opinion more then enough.

Sarah - posted on 02/01/2018

10,816

0

27

Miracle, I don't see why you are so defensive about this? I have done both; paid another person to monitor and meet my kids' needs while I worked and I have stayed home to parent them myself. One is not "better" than the other. Both of my sisters are working mothers and feel like they'd not be content to be home with their kids. I loved the time I spent raising my kids exclusively; but it was not easy and it was an enormous financial sacrifice. The whole "job" and "privilege" probably seems pretty hollow to a woman who cannot conceive or a teen mom of 2 or 3.....
Why not be grateful for what we do have and not disparage anyone else's opinion or choice?

Ev - posted on 02/01/2018

8,314

7

919

The work that a mom does in the home is a job--cleaning, cooking, laundry etc...those are jobs in the outside world other people do. When a women works outside the home as Sarah stated; someone else does watch kids for the mom while she works and when mom gets home she has to tend her family. Yes a working mom does the same jobs or chores or errands that a SAHM does---but a SAHM does not sit on her duff all day long watching TV or movies and the kids go a muck in the home. For a SAHM--her job is taking care of the house---her love is raising her kids.

Miracle - posted on 02/01/2018

102

0

14

when u become a mother u have to watch ur kids. all day if u dont work. thats how it is, how could that be compared to a job? they are ur kids.

Sarah - posted on 02/01/2018

10,816

0

27

You make it sound as though a SAHM is sending her child to a sitter or something while she does the routine, daily tasks. While I worked away from home, someone else watched my kids and then I came home and watched them and took care of meals, laundry, cleaning etc. Once a SAHM I had 3 and then 4 kids (under 7) to care for while doing everything else that needed doing as well. So to say "y'all just have all day to do what I do in a few hours" is not really a fair comparison as you are not caring for your kids while you work.

Miracle - posted on 02/01/2018

102

0

14

taking care of YOUR kids is not a job, i just dont care what anybody says. everything that stay at home moms do i do too. and i work full time! y'all just have all day to do what i do in a few hours. And yes for the last time its a privelege. for one u have to a afford to be able to do it. not everyone can, most cant. but that's my opinion.

Sarah - posted on 02/01/2018

10,816

0

27

Interesting debate that I missed due to yet another lice outbreak....I think I have to ask the bus company to have the drivers and the bus attendants screened. I digress...
IMO part of the argument is there are "pure definitions" and "accepted definitions". A job is not always a paid position, it can be a task or responsibility. Many forms that you have to fill in demographic info do list "homemaker" under the occupations choices. So in that respect, being a SAHM can be considered a job. Is it employment? No. I have been both; a full time working parent, and a full time SAHM. Each was challenging and fulfilling but I made the choice to stay home. It was a the right choice for my family and for me; and now I am a working parent again.
To say that being a mother or a SAHM is a privilege implies some sort of entitlement or right that others are not privy to sharing. For example, my daughter is on the Honor Roll at school so she gets to dress out of uniform every Friday, that is a privilege that she earned. Motherhood certainly has been a blessing, is has also been a heck of a lot of work!

Marcia - posted on 01/31/2018

31

0

1

I think the expression is a response to the question of "what do you do?" The husband works all day. The mom does "nothing". So we dispute that by saying that the mom DOOS have a job in that being a mom takes all and is not like watching the game show channel all day. I don't think the expression is meant to make motherhood less special.

Becky - posted on 01/31/2018

5

0

2

I've been a working mom and now I'm back to being a stay at home mom. Running after a 1 year old while dealing with morning sickness for #2 while maintaining the home, cooking and cleaning and doing all the errands sure feels like a job to me.

Ev - posted on 01/30/2018

8,314

7

919

I am not mad at my kids and have a very close relationship with both of them. Being a mom is a special thing for those that embrace it. Being at home is not always a privilege...some moms do not want to stay at home but do not have a choice. Being a mom to me is giving life to someone and seeing it flourish and grow into something and it is also watching a part of you linger on in the children. I am also a grandmother. Motherhood falls on many people and some should not be as I said. But I do not equate privilege with it. I consider it a blessing and gift from God that I got to be a mother. I also almost had one of mine also not make it because doctors thought something was wrong. No, motherhood is not a privilege it is a blessing and gift. Staying at home or working as a mom is not either or a privilege---just a fact of life that some can and others can not and still more chose to make a career out of their jobs.

Miracle - posted on 01/30/2018

102

0

14

"a special right or advantage given to a particular person or group of people". motherhood is one of the best examples of true privelege. but that wasnt what my post was about.

Ev - posted on 01/30/2018

8,314

7

919

Being a stay at home mom is not a privilege nor is being a mother--this would only be a privilege if it was allowed only to certain people certain classes or social standing or through other means. Privilege is something certain ones have that the rest do not. And being a mom (stay at home or working) is not a privilege because women become moms everyday just as even teen girls do. Does that mean they should be moms? Not in all cases. But since it is not considered to be something only for certain people to do...it is not privilege.

Miracle - posted on 01/30/2018

102

0

14

1. back then less jobs were available to women & women were paid even less then they are now. a women working wouldnt be much financial help. gender roles were also normal, it would be more unacceptable for a women to not be a stay at home mom then be one.

2.never said motherhood was a privelage. i said being a stay at home mom was. and being a mother is a privelage, its not a god given right.

Ev - posted on 01/30/2018

8,314

7

919

Going back generations was that considered a privilege then? My mom stayed at home and her mom worked because she had to support 4 kids. And beyond that back even further women were at home with the kids and doing the household work. My mom even worked off and on when I was a baby on up to my teen years. I just do not see motherhood as a privilege:

Privilege, prerogative refer to a special advantage or right possessed by an individual or group. A privilege is a right or advantage gained by birth, social position, effort, or concession.

Miracle - posted on 01/30/2018

102

0

14

i was a stay at home mom for a year when my son got sick. all i found was that i had more time to do the motherly stuff i would have to anyway. i work full time. i come home and i clean, cook, run errands, everything that stay at home moms have all day to do. i just dont think it could ever be compared to a job. and yes its a privelage because it's a advantage to ur children & to yourself that u can only have if u can literally afford it.

Ev - posted on 01/30/2018

8,314

7

919

Miracle--I have been both a stay at home mom and a working mom--I know the scoop.

Ev - posted on 01/30/2018

8,314

7

919

It has nothing to do with being valued more being called a job...but they do a lot of the same jobs people get paid for. I never said it was my job but it is considered a harder job than most. Did you look at the article? Being the stay at home mom does not work outside the home this is her job.

A stay at home mom does not just sit around and watch the kids play. She does the things I posted and even more so. No she does not get paid for it. There are jobs out there people do all the time and it is not considered a job when they actually do it and help others....it is called voluteering---but it is still work. There are all kinds of jobs and work in this world.

I do not know where you get the idea that stay at home moms think their position is going to be more valued if they called it a job. It is not a privilege...where do you get that idea? I am curious. It can be a choice for some but not all had a choice in becoming moms either.

Miracle - posted on 01/30/2018

102

0

14

and all of those things u mentioned that stay at home moms do, newflash every mother does those things. hate to sound defensive but i work full time and do all those things.

Miracle - posted on 01/30/2018

102

0

14

no honey defintion of a job is "a paid position of regular employment". stay at home moms work hard but it is wrong to call it a job. i get it stay at home moms think their position is gonna be valued more if they call it a job. but it was a privilege and a choice. so many mothers dont have the option of not working. a lot of things are hard work, but i dont call them my "job".

Ev - posted on 01/30/2018

8,314

7

919

https://www.parents.com/baby/all-about-babies/how-much-would-a-stay-at-home-mom-be-paid-annually-a-lot/

Take look at this article.

Ev - posted on 01/30/2018

8,314

7

919

Actually, being a stay at home mom is a job. You choose this when you have kids and decide to stay home for their benefit. There is more to it than just sitting around doing nothing at all and raise a person you brought into the world. It is not a privilege like other things are.
A stay at home mom does these things for her family and in the real world some of them are real jobs:
1) Janitorial services--cleaning the house.
2) Laundry services--does laundry for the family.
3) Chef--cooks meals for the family.
4) Child care--takes care of the children by keeping them fed, clean, safe, entertained, and so forth.
5) Personal assistant--runs errands for not only the family but her husband or SO, other family members and friends.
6) Car pool--taking kids to school even those of neighbors, relatives or friends.
7) Secretary--keeps up with everything that goes on in the house and makes sure it is running smoothly.
8) Any other jobs that need to be done.

I did not cover them all but there is more to being a stay at home mom or wife than just sitting around doing nothing but making sure the kids are okay and cared for.

Oh I forgot one more job--TEACHER-- a mom is the first teacher her kids have.

So now tell me that a stay at home mom is not a job. It is not a privilege either. It is a choice a lot of women make everyday. But it is not easy and it is also very difficult at times. There are moms out there with kids with special needs, medical issues, and other things that require more of them than just a typical stay at home mom does.

Being a mom is also one thing that is done out of love not because it is a privilege. Most women I know are moms because they wanted to have kids and it had nothing to do with privilege. It would be considered such if say only certain people were allowed to have kids. But that is not the case.

I can speak from experience too...I was a stay at home mom and a working mom. And both ways it is hard to do but worth it because it is your kids.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms