Being a step parent

User - posted on 08/30/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Ok so I have two boys, 5 and 3, whose dad passed away. I am now in a relationship with a man who has a 2 year old and I am pregnant. My problem is I have been contemplating leaving for several months because of him and his son. When his son comes over he has free reign to do anything, and I mean anything!!!! He kicks my two pound dog, he throws anything and everything across the house...he even hit me in the stomach with a sanding block two weeks ago...he screams, smacks, destroys my stuff and his father won't do anything about it and loses his mind if I tell him he needs to sit in timeout at least(i am not permitted to discipline him in any way) my kids on the other hand, according to him, are entitled, disrespectful, uneducated, tyrants who have not been disciplined enough. My kids throw balls, they get out in time out, when my youngest and his son went head to head in a full blown show down I spanked my son but he ran and picked his son up telling me my son was a monster and he started it( Even when my son had all the bruises and his son was standing over top my son kicking him) because our house has a smaller kitchen I ask for everyone to stay out of my way while I cook and unless my kids are helping set the table they do but just today his son came in punched me in the stomach and said get out daddy's house. I honestly don't know if I can handle this anymore. I so badly wanted to Bend that kid over my knee and lay into him as I would if one of my kids acted like that but before I could even tell my fiance about it he asked what I did to his son. I honestly hate this kid and I know once this baby is born it too will be unsafe when he is around. His mother does nothing to punish him nor does she believe he needs to be punished but that my kids should be sent away for a lesson. I try to be fair but I am tired of punishing my kids for doing what his son is allowed to do and they see how differently they are treated. My five year old even said that he wants to go back to memaws because Brandon doesn't like them that's why he's mean to them and not little Brandon. I really need advice!!!! I've cried myself to sleep thinking something is wrong with me but after him punching me, kicking my dog, throwing his shoe and breaking my 400$$$ tv all today and not even being put in time out I've had it.

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Jodi - posted on 08/30/2015

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It sounds to me like the two of you moved way to quickly in this relationship. Blending a family is hard work, and requires BOTH of you to be on the same page about parenting before you even THINK of moving in together, let alone bring another child into this world. His child is 2, so that tells me you did kind of rush things. And given the situation now, you clearly did not discuss parenting/discipline.

At this point, I suggest family/relationship counselling so that the two of you can agree on a united front for disciplining your children. If there is no consistency for ALL the children, you can't succeed. If you can't do that, then this is just not going to work.

Also, as a step parent, you need to recognise that what the bio mother does or does not do in her home has absolutely no bearing on you. Don't blame her because the child isn't behaving in your home. That fixes nothing. You have to work with what you've go. But you have to do it together.

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