Being a Stepmom when the mother left and comes back!

Ashley - posted on 08/11/2017 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Two years ago, I fell in love with my husband. I have dropped everything to be with him, what came with him was the most precious boy. When we discussed his relationship with "baby mamma", they have had term oil with her not being the best mother or person band her wanting all the rights to the baby but never actually having him. BM got pregnant 3 months into rehab with my stepson. She cheated and my husband didn't know if he was the father, but he came back and stuck around. Thank God that he is and from day one of finding out BM was pregnant, he has been the world's best father. BM has been arrested numerous times for drugs, theft, domestic violence, etc. She is extremely bipolar and is hard to deal with. 2 years ago, my stepson is 3 in 3 months, I came into the picture not wanting children but always being someone that is just a good caregiver. The day BM got off of drug court, being domicile parent, she moved into the city in a one bedroom, left the baby's things on the curb and would only talk to us if we contacted her. Begging her to see him, she never did. She dropped 40 pounds in two months, posted pictures drinking, even though in DC she wasn't allowed and is an "alcoholic" and left with no trace except for what she posted on Instagram of her new life with her bf and her dogs and going out and her dogs being "mommy's babies" no indication that she missed her child. I have put my life on hold since day one for this child. I came when he was a year old and he said my name before saying Gammy. I have been a stay at home step mom because we were always back and fourth on bills and cars breaking down, actually one being totaled because BM hit it while it was parked with the baby in the car. I started school and had to end because 4 days before my stepsons 2nd birthday, she shows up with a cop, the custody order, and tried to take him. The cop told her no because we had filed for CS hoping that would be a way to find out exactly where she even was. In January she tried suing us for 7000 in back child support and breaking custody agreement and supposedly not letting her take him which was a lie. We had proof of it. Nonetheless, the lawyer we got, told us that if we can't pin drugs on her, which with a hair test, even though we had proof she was doing heroine again, she passed with trace Marijuana and blamed it on self treating her bipolar. She bleached her head two days before court. Which any other judge would not be okay with. After court she got everything Monday from 9-6 at a pickup location 10 minutes from her but 35 from us. We were on time every time and she was late even the first day. Didn't get him 4 times, and would not see him extra time if we offered. She also got into domestic disputes with her boyfriend over and over and they've both been arrested but are still together and allowEd to post pictures of them doing drugs even though a picture isn't proof according to our lawyer or the judge. Now this is in a county that mothers are Crack heads who seell their children and still get to keep them. Two days before court she moved back to her original address and we were put in a bind. Now we have 50/50 no domicile even though she still hasn't signed it, she took him for her week and was late, lied about coming from her boyfriends who the baby is not allowed to stay with, and gave him back to us 3 days later and instead of picking him up stayed with the boyfriend. We also have BM and boyfriends dog because they couldn't take care of him anymore. She smoked the whole time she was pregnant, smokes in his face and in the car, is telling us she needs his social security number and threawning to take the baby if we don't give it to her so she can get her benefit even though she has no bills and we have the child 50/50. We could take this to court where it was or Ingalls starTed but it would revert to the or original agreement. Which we don't want and she obviously can't handle. This woman has never been a stable part of this child's life, he literally runs from her and screams because he doesn't want to go with her and has been doing so since he was an infant and throws a tantrum when we take him to her begging us not to leave him. My stepson also calls me mommy. When he started he had not seen his mother in 3 months. I told him not, I'm not mommy. He wanted to call me mommy anyways. He would not take no for an answer. Now that BM is "back" she keeps telling him "no that's not mommy, that's Ashley". I've always been told and known that a child, even of this age, should be able to call someone close to him what he chooses and should not feel bad about it or be punished for it, which she does to him. My lawyer also told us that he needs to stop calling me mommy because the court system won't like it. I have raised this child almost his entire life and have been the only stable, encouraging rolmodel that he has other my husband, his grandparents, and other family members. I am also due to have my first own baby who will be calling me mommy and will be raised with my stepson. What do I do in this situation? I need help and advice! I told my son today that if he wants to call me by my first name that he can and if he wants to call me mommy he can too. He is extremely smart and knows who everyone is. BM was gone for so long, he didn't know who she was when we invited her over for his birthday. I can't help but feel like Im not the problem in this situation. This woman has verbally and physically attacked me and then seconds later been completely fine. I'm at my ropes end. It kills me to see my stepson in such distress every time he has to be around her. Please help! Please keep us in your prayers if possible! This is never ending!

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Dove - posted on 08/11/2017

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Your husband needs to try and get him into counseling w/ a therapist willing to testify in court... Sounds like he should get a new lawyer too if the current lawyer is not pursuing protecting the child w/ all the drug abuse. Maybe he can request a GAL in the court to represent the child.

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