Being away from my daughter-50/50 custody

Tiffany - posted on 06/30/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I separated from my ex husband last year and was divorced at the beginning of this year; we share an absolutely beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter. Aside from what happened between us, he is an excellent father and I want her to have just as successful a relationship with him as she does me. The problem is, when she isn't with me it's almost like my world stops in a lot of ways and sometimes the pain is so bad that I cannot help but just start crying at any time during the day. I am currently seeing a wonderful man and I have a lot of things to occupy my time and stay active with, but I am just reaching out to all of you other moms who know how I am feeling and discuss how are you have learned to try to handle this and cope? This is by far the hardest thing that I have ever had to do and saying goodbye to her each week when she goes to stay with her father is like heartbreak all over again. Thank you!!

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Lynsey - posted on 03/18/2016

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I am in a similar situation. Our son is 4 and split up Jan 2015. I currently have him tues-sat and his dad has him sat-tues. Our son is starting JK in sept. And his dad wants 50/50. I am having a hard time swallowing this because already I am so devastated with not being with my son every day. It is heartbreaking and so hard to deal with. I do not want to stop them from having a relationship. They have fun together for the most part, despite my ex being super mean to be. I am now trying to come up with what kind of 50/50 arrangement works best for a child starting school.
Sorry my story doesnt really have any advice for you. But you are not alone.
Stay strong for your daughter. Thats what I keep trying to do. Be strong and show my son what a good mother is and what a good relationship between us is like :)
Big hugs to you

Ev - posted on 06/30/2014

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At least you and your ex are able to step up and be parents and not let your feelings get in the way of having relationships with your daughter. A lot of parents argue about custody and visits and so on and it makes it twice as hard as it should be on the child or children. So Kudos to you on that.

In answer to your question, I have a story that might interest you. I divorced my ex husband 12 years ago this year. We had two children together by the time he was done with me. He said that he did not want me no more and did not love me no more by Valentine's Day. He moved out and the shortly filed for temp custody which when the hearing came backfired against him. So the next few months i had temp custody. In the end, I had no way to fight for custody because he was adamant about having full custody of the kids. So eventually between him and his lawyer as I was told they would offer joint custody with him as primary parent. That floored me as the kids were my world and I had been the one who did everything from their daily care to doc appointments to school things. What he was asking tore me apart to my soul. I was afraid he would get them to go against me being with him a lot more, that they would hate me and so many other things that flew through my head. It was the hardest thing to think about doing. But I also knew I did not have the resources he did to fight, I did nt want the kids to be pawns as they were hurting enough as it was, and that it would be better for their frame of mind to be in one home all the time and visit the other. So for their sake I chose to allow them to go live with him. And for the first few years, when they were not there I was beside myself wondering if they were okay, what they were doing, and so on. They were my every thought. I learned to deal with it and over time I finally became okay with it. I focused all my energy on them and got up to go to work because I still had my kids to think of. After a couple of years I finally found myself reading more books, going to church where I had started as a teen once more, used my time wisely when the kids were with me so we got as much out of it as we could. Now at 12 years since the divorce we are so close. I can not say what their relationship with their father is like but I do know that they have lost a lot of respect for him in the recent years because of how things have gone with his remarrying 2x since me and not making them feel part of the blended families they have been in.

So for the most part you said you are keeping busy and seeing a wonderful man so that is two things that can help you. Also find ways to focus positively about your daughter when the world stops and you think of her. Think about what the two of you will do when its your turn to have her. Keep in touch with her too...you should be able to call her at dad's and talk to her. Tell her everyday that you can that you love her. Tell her when she is older that you are there to talk to no matter what it is. Find a common thing that you two can do together as well and make it a religious thing...my kids and I for example plan some things we do every year. We go to a Medieval Fair each year though this year my son and I chose to go visit a museum that is a submarine. The point is we made the time we had special for us.

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