Being mom as well as dad

Alexandra - posted on 09/14/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi, I am new here. My name is Alex, I'm 21 and from New Zealand. I have a 3 month old daughter named Scarlet. I apologize for my introduction having a slightly grim following, but I just need to ask how many of you have useless baby-daddies? Could you please share your experiences?

Well, mine is (obviously). He is a gaming addict and barely pays attention to our DD. Him and his brother smoke pot in the house (in the garage, which is connected to the house) after I've told him how irresponsible it is while he has a baby in the house. He makes a huge mess and never cleans after himself. He works 2 days a week and attends class from 8am-12 every week day, and uses this as an excuse not to look after Scarlet as much as me. I don't trust him looking after her when I'm not there because I have caught him falling asleep while she's on his lap and a lot of the time (when I take a shower) and he will put her in her bouncer and just go back on the computer again, not even paying attention to her. There are a lot more things. My milk supply has been depleting and I'm getting ulcers in my mouth cause I am so stressed and tired.

I am so close to leaving him, but I know that deep down inside he can be a good father, but he just needs to awaken it and I am not sure what to do!!


Cecilia - posted on 09/14/2013




I would say you need to tell him that you're close to leaving. Don't threaten him with it, tell him. Ask him if he really wants to be a father. See what's going on inside his head. don't yell or scream or accuse, that will only make him shut down. Explain to him that you feel as if he isn't putting in as much effort as you when it comes to child care.

If you need to, make a list of things that are wrong, how you think they can be changed and explain which ones are vital to be changed. For me, pot smoking one be one that HAS to go. Well it can't be in the same walls as the baby at least. The gaming would be done only after obligations are met I actually have this rule with my husband.he is not allowed to sit down after they go to bed and just play. Dishes must be done first and he isn't allowed to play longer than midnight. Mind you dishes is his only real chore in the house so I expect it to be done. When the babies take naps he can play until they wake up then it must be put away.

So to make rules you must figure out what is and isn't acceptable to you.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms