Best daddy ever to dead beat almost over night

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

My story probably not unlike most however so foreign to me. My daughter dad and I have been split for about 4 years now. She came out a daddy's girl and was the apple of his eye even years after we went our seperate ways. Now I find myself trying to explain to this beautiful 7 year old girl why daddy isn't calling or hasn't seen her in over a month. She has always been so close to him I just don't even know what to tell her. The excuses that daddy's working or sick or tired have started to show on her face. As if she is tired of my lies. 😡

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Raye - posted on 01/05/2016

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Don't cover for her father, but don't sabotage their relationship, either. She will learn on her own over time what kind of person he is. She will be hurt, but hopefully it will help her deal better with disappointment in the future.

Dove - posted on 01/05/2016

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You don't make excuses for him. You don't protect their relationship. That's his responsibility to do... or not.

You aren't a mind reader, so even if there are 'reasons'... you really don't KNOW why he's not there, so tell her that. You don't know why he isn't around. She can try calling him if she wants... and then casually distract her w/ something else (play a game together, watch a movie, go out for ice cream). You might want to think about getting her into counseling because it can be really helpful to both of you to have an extra support person around.

It's not easy, but it is doable... and she'll be OK w/ your help.

Raye - posted on 01/05/2016

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So, tell her that you don't know when she'll see him again or why he's not spending time with her. Unless he's shared his daily agenda with you, then that is a truthful answer. Don't get into all the details, as she's too young to understand, and kids don't need the burden of all the adult baggage. Keep it simple and truthful. She will appreciate the honesty (although she will still be hurt by the circumstances). But that's not your fault. Don't make a big deal out of his absence, keep trying to make everything "normal", and she'll adjust.

Jodi - posted on 01/04/2016

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So why hasn't daddy visited? Can you get in touch with him so she can have a conversation with him on the phone?

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Jodi - posted on 01/05/2016

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You haven't answered the question as to whether you are able to or have tried to contact him directly.

[deleted account]

Thank you very much for your advice. This whole situation snow balled at such a rate of speed it's almost as if I went to bed one night "co parenting" and woke up next morning picking up these foreign pieces that has become my life. Over all we are all adjusting just fine. And maybe that's what is scaring/upsetting me. I really appreciate your advice. I have great friends but they love me, and are not objective. I would never wanna do anything to harm that relationship. But at what point can I stop protecting it. Cuz he isnt

Sarah - posted on 01/05/2016

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Do you know why dad is not around? If it is a reason you can share with you daughter, then be honest. If he simply is MIA, then tell her that too. You do not need to lie for him. Humans have faults and children are remarkably forgiving. If he is having a bad time in his life and can't be there for her, then let him explain that to her. If you continue to lie for him, she will not believe you when you are being truthful

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