bet friend betrayal w/husband

Patricia - posted on 05/07/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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Do any one think it is crazy to start back up a freindship with my old Bff even if we keep it just us, no husbanbs .Her and my husband became very close and had a short personnal relaionship very personnal if u know what i mean but nothing physcail i'm sure of lt ! I really miss our friendshp. we were very close and our families were close also.Matter of fact my son married their daghter whom i love along w/ my beautiful grandbabies.l Please help me i miss her a lot, she was a grat friend to me which are hard to come by.

Agape PC

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Tracey - posted on 12/28/2010

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If this woman is such a great friend then why did she feel the need to get so "personal" with YOUR husband. I think you need to teach people how to treat you and by keeping this friend the message you are sending is that it's ok to hurt you when it most certainly is NOT. Just ask yourself how she would feel if you had done to her with her husband what she did to you with yours. Would this so called great friend want you in her life. I think because of the family you need to keep it civil but def at arms length.

Tracy - posted on 05/08/2010

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Maybe it's just me, but a "great friend" isn't one that gets into an affair with my husband. But, hey, that's just me. I have a preference for having friends that I can trust with my heart. Maybe you're of the mind of keeping your enemies closer. To each their own

Trish - posted on 12/28/2010

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Move on...she wasn't a great friend if she had a lil "something" with your husband. Yeah we miss friends...best friends...but that's it. Friends come and go. Like Madea says...You're like a tree...don't confuse your roots and your leaves. The roots are the people that are in your life that keep you grounded...your support and angels. People you depend on no matter what. And your leaves...are people that come into your life for a season. They come into your life for a short time to teach you something and leave. Don't mistake your leaves for your roots, because if you do...nothing but trouble. So my advice you'll get over it with time. Unless if she has a husband...you get Personal with him first to make it even...then you guys can be best friends...but other than that...save your heart and time and find a REAL best friend.

Rebecca - posted on 05/10/2010

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i dont understand how people can say that even best friend can make mistakes.. this is not a mistake she completely knew what she was doing its just an excuse to make what she did not seem as harmful as what it was.. i believe people can only come to terms with what wrong doing they have done not just blame it on a mistake they need to take full responsibility for it .. im sure your son and daughter in law can understand your circumstances ..people know the difference between right and wrong and the fact that wat she did was wrong and she would had known it at the time aswell

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[deleted account]

If you want to be friends then go for it :) Make sure you discuss any concerns you have with her in respect to boundaries, make sure you are comfortable where things are going, make sure you take care of you in the relationship! Just make sure you are doing it for you, if you are just diong it for the "families" then you can be friends without being best friends, you can be at functions together (both are adults!) for the good of all, but you dont have to be best friends unless its what you want :)

C. - posted on 12/28/2010

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Yep, I honestly do think it's crazy. Regardless of whether you 'allow' husbands or not, this is a way she can become close to him again if she wanted to. If it was me, I wouldn't do it. That trust was betrayed and there's no telling if it will happen again. If you do this, it's like opening a door for something to happen again. I wouldn't..

Traci - posted on 05/11/2010

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WOW you are a bigger person then i, no way would i ever consider being friends with someone who became "personal" with my husband, physical or not. The fact that it wasn't physical would almost be as hurtful because im assuming it meant they had feelings for eachother not just attraction!! You friends are suppose to be there for you if your husband gets "personal" with another women, they're suppose to be there to console you, not to be the other women!! You dont want to hold onto to anger since you've worked things out with your husband so forgive her, sure, be civil, sure. Start up a friendship again? Like i said, you're a bigger person then i!!

Jennifer - posted on 05/10/2010

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do you think she was really a friend if she could cozy up to your husband so easily? but, it's your choice and if you decide to go for it I would just keep an eye open about the whole situation.

[deleted account]

Absolutely, BF's make mistakes like everyone else. Forgive her, and call her up. I'm betting she misses you too.

Stephany - posted on 05/10/2010

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Just seeing your husband and another women who is your best friend becomeing close to close for comfort then that is painful it would be devesting if they would have sleept together. A friend should know better then to get involed with another persons man friend or not. To think you can leave your best friend with your husband alone together and nothing would happen because that is your bff she wont try anything with my man and then to find out that she would is considered betrayal. You have to put your self in the other persons shoes. How would you feel if this happend to you?

Gwen - posted on 05/10/2010

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If nothing painful happened, I don't believe you'd have used "betrayal" in your post. That's a pretty strong word. Why would you invite the risk back into your marriage?

Stephany - posted on 05/10/2010

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I would try to save your friendship as long as nothing happened between them. I had the very same thing happen to me a few months ago, where my husband was starting to like my bff. I sat them down and said it is great that you have become so close but I am going to have to ask you both to back down on the filrtin, this is my husband not yours I am your wife she is not, you are my friend dont cross the line. I was very blunt about how there actions made me feel and how I was not pleases with them.After our talk the filrtin stoped well not stopped but went from like a 9 1/2 to a 2 and pretty soon they stopped completly. My marriage is much stronger now because we were able to open up to each other more and my friendship is not the same but we are rebuilding the trust. It is on the back of my mind to this day about them two being alone together but if any thing did happen I would tell her goodbye for good. So I guess I would give it another chance and see how things turn out. But do talk to them both first and set some bounderies that you dont want seen crossed.

Gwen - posted on 05/10/2010

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If she had a close, very personal relationship with your husband, she wasn't a friend, PERIOD.

[deleted account]

I am a little confused did your husband and BFF have an emotional affair and you are considering bringing your BFF back into your life? I understand your concern about wanting to be apart of your daughter-in law and grand babies life. But there are different levels of friendship. I would be careful with how friendly you are with her.

RENATA - posted on 05/10/2010

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I wouldn't go back down that road again. I would keep it civil because the families are now related howevers. Women like to pretend they don't know the boundaries when it comes to friend's husbands. Some want to be more the wife to your husband than you. She doesn't sound like she was such a great friend.

Leslie - posted on 05/10/2010

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Your BFF was not thinking about you when she was betraying you. (Nor was your husband) If it were me, I would be done with both of them. She was not your friend. For the sake of your son and daughter-in-law you should try to maintain a civil relationship, but not as BFFs.

Louise - posted on 05/10/2010

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I am a bit flumuxed by this! This so called friend has had a very personal connection with your husband! If it was me I would rip her head off! This is an ultimate slap in the face. You told her everything I expect about any marriage problems, money worries and all the time she was cosying up to your fella. You are a better woman than I if you could get this out of your head every time you see them together. I know your family is entwined but I would avoid this woman, she has betrayed you once what will stop her from doing it again.

Zoe - posted on 05/10/2010

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I had a similar experience, whilst I was pregnant with our 3rd child. My bf and her husband was also godparents to our middle son. I saved our marriage, but the friendship was never an option. There was and still is too much pain in the memories, if I had rekindled the friendship there would always be these memories, the hurt and deep down total mistrust. Sometimes things are better left in the past no matter what the ties to the family is, for your own peace of mind and sanity

Ginger - posted on 05/09/2010

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Keep your head up, move on and enjoy life...life is too short to have adversity to others....

Renee - posted on 05/08/2010

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So you want to be friends with a former bff who betrayed you with your husband hmmm and her husband dislikes you all? Okay leave that in the past and move forward. I wouldn't even go there at all. I feel that's a disaster waiting to happen.

Rebecca - posted on 05/08/2010

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anyone who is a true friend wouldnt had stepped over those boundries wouldnt had even dreamed of it.. u said ur sure that nothing physical came from it did you know that for a fact? are you doubtfull? have you talked with either of them with what actually happened?

Tracy - posted on 05/07/2010

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This is something I would pray about~ I believe in the power of prayer and know that answers don't always come immediately but I would be patient :) God Bless!

Angie - posted on 05/07/2010

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You're asking for trouble. I wouldn't want her in my life. You say she's a "great friend" yet she had an inappropriate relationship with your husband? Not only was she not a great friend she's not a friend at all....

Amy - posted on 05/07/2010

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Do what makes you happy!! If it doesn't work out you havent really lost anything.

*Lisa* - posted on 05/07/2010

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I'm confused as to what a short personal relationship is but isn't physical that would cause that amount of tension in a friendship? Did your husband fall in love with your friend but nothing came of it? I'm just guessing. If nothing happened, then I don't see the problem with being friends with her.

Patricia - posted on 05/07/2010

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e doen't, he dislikes us very much. i had a disagreement with him about ur children who were getting married. oh well his loss.

Lorena - posted on 05/07/2010

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i believe whats in the past should stay in the past we can only keep moving forward-- friendships can last forever .no matter how many years pass ..nor the problems in between. life is too short to sit & dwell on the past.. i recently got in touch with my long lost best friend and the time the stop talking for didn't change our friendship at all.. =]

Sharon - posted on 05/07/2010

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What about her husband? He may not want her to get to friendly with you guys?

I wouldn't do it.

Telika - posted on 05/07/2010

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ok,this is MY opinion,ok,you got ask yourself,if you can trust her again,i mean,whose to say that this time it might get physical?then again,she might feel guilty and miss your friendship,bc she realized you were a real friend,though you wont be as close as you use to be it dont hurt to forgive but not forget

Kristel - posted on 05/07/2010

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I think you should give it a try. I've been in your shoes and unfortunatly did not speak to my bestfriend for almost 3 years because of it. I missed the birth of her son, many birthdays, holidays and such...I can't get that time back but I can make the best of what we have now!

Life is too short NOT to fight for the ones you love!

Denise - posted on 05/07/2010

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if you can trust he again more power to you but i personally wont you cant ever have a friendship with some1 that was willin to hurt you

Patricia - posted on 05/07/2010

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i would like to keep my guy been with him for 35 yrs, he's noy the problem he doesn't want us to be good friends again. He's worried about me think about the past to much, but I think that as long as hes't he involved it will be okay. I do have to say I really like talking to her again. one thing that also helps is that she moved away so we can take it slow. Thanks for helping PC

Cortney - posted on 05/07/2010

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Men come and go but friends/family will be forever! It is really hard to trust a "girlfriend" these days. they either turn on you or talk behind your back and smile to your face. If you miss her and you can forgive her then go for it! Don't let a good friend slip away because of a man. Of course let her know how you felt about the situation and how to prevent it in the future. I would become friends again but only if you have truly gotten over the bump you guys went through. Good luck hope it works out for you

Kristin - posted on 05/07/2010

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You can always try it out. If it just isn't working, then agree to be civil.

JuLeah - posted on 05/07/2010

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Good friends are worth fighting for. Conflict can be worked through.
We live in a strange world. It is hard for men and women to be friends. In our culture men and women are taught to express affection, love, and deep feeling through sex.

I wish it were different. That way, men and women could be best friends, or very close friends.

But we can all learn to define our relationship and have them be what we want them to be. We can all learn to set boundries and hold them.

Talk with all the players. Put all cards on the table.

Be open and honest and see what happens.

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