Betrayed by being kind...

S - posted on 01/25/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )




I am in a loving/stable relationship with a divorced man on whom has two amazing little girls(8 and 9) from a previous marriage.We have been together 1.5yrs and living together for 10mths.We have both girls every weekend/all weekend and days when it assists the girls mother when she does courses,sick days etc.The relationship I have with both girls is amazing and their father has mentioned also on how they adore me.We are going to be married in the very near future and the girls are so excited.. as they dance around whenever their father mentions the plan time to time.He is a father,pays child support and expenses needed to help raise both girls financially(beginning the very first day his separaton) with out any default and knows his obligations as a father is forever.The girls mother is also in a 5 mnth relationship- in which we always encourage her "completed happiness" whenever we are in the presance of the girls.It is very unfortunate that the girls mother does not have the same mutual feelings-actually telling girls that she will "never want to meet me ever!!!!".This is an acceptable response on her part(any divorce would be heartbreaking)-but always will remain willing to give her the opportunity to meet to put aside any reservations she may have about me.I have never tried, nor will ever try to be the girls mother- the girls have one mother only and those are boundaries that are known and respected to the fullest .The girls mother has informed my boyfriend she is now filing to have support payments enlarged due to the fact there is more money in his household from my salary.Her sense of reasoning on this matter does not sit well with me at all..I can honestly say that it upsets me very much so....even say that it scares me... because we are trying to build a life together as a couple with the girls always coming first.The girls are treated very well when they and are here and always have options on what "adventures" to embark on being swimming,bowling,amusement parks,painting...whatever the girls wish to do on their weekends with us. I am the one who forces my boyfriend to take my money-and yes do I mean force- funding these "all week-end activities" in which we all know can get expensive at times.So my question would be... why would this woman think it is appropriate to demand money from me legally to put back into 'her' household when I am already helping out to make the girls comfortable\happy when they are here.Alberta states in support guidlines that my income is considered if she files a petition.Have I read this all wrong ...or has anyone been through this and can tell me what their outcome was.Would like to add the mother has a good job,condo and car payments


Amy - posted on 01/25/2015




Id talk to a family lawyer and learn all you can and have in place your own protection ( personal protection excluding your partner u need to cover your ass outside your relationship first and foremost. Maybe have the magistrate informed of her emotional situation he could suggest counseling. Id write her telling her you m3an well and hope for a good telationship but that's all u CAN do. She needs to grow on her own terms.


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Raye - posted on 01/26/2015




If your BF has the girls more than the court appointed visitation then his liability for child support may be lessened (not enlarged). The courts should not consider your income when determining child support payments. Step-parents basically have no rights as parents, and that extends to financial support.

Jodi - posted on 01/25/2015




I am looking at this document:

From what I can see, she has to argue a case of undue hardship (see page 4 and page 16 of the guidelines) and even then, your income is only used as a basis to determine if maybe child support should be topped up because she is undergoing hardship. Can she claim she is experiencing undue hardship in her household? If she can't then the amount of money in your household is irrelevant from what I read.

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