Between a wall and a sword

Mary - posted on 06/21/2013 ( 20 moms have responded )

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Hi there. I am going through the hardest time in my life. I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old baby. Both delivered by c-section, and I just found out I'm pregnant again. I know many of you would say i brought this over me, but honestly, i was not looking for a third child. My first pregnancy was a breeze, I had an emergency c-section after a 23 hour labor that didn't progressed. My second one was a different story. By 9 weeks I was already in miscarriage watch and it was very hard to think I could lose that child. I gave birth in march and by january I had already been in the er several times with contractions. I'm just really scared because I know it's very risky to be pregnant so soon after a surgery. I guess i'm just looking for a way to vent out or look for comfort even though I know nobody can tell me everything is going to be all right. Is it too cruel if I chose not to have this baby? I've read so many different things on the internet and I know the ultimate decision is mine, I already love my child, but I don't want to risk my health and leave my daughters without a mom, am I being too dramatic?

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Denikka - posted on 06/24/2013

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I agree with the others who have suggested you go and talk to your doctor. Find out what risks you have and make a decision from there.
I can tell you this, for me, if it came to a decision between my health/life and my fetus, I would have to go with whatever would save my life, regardless of what happened to the fetus. My hubby agrees with me and that is our agreement regarding any medical procedures that I may be unable to make for myself (due to being unconscious or whatever). I have 2 other young children (4yrs and 2 yrs) who need their mother and I refuse to deprive them of that, especially for a life that, to me, is still only a possibility, not a certainty (and by that I mean that anything can happen during pregnancy, miscarriage, accident (cord around neck, etc), medical issues etc that result in stillborn, etc).
I don't know what I would do in your situation, but I can tell you that I would weigh the risks very carefully. I feel that you owe something more to the babies you've already brought into the world. They need their mother, especially being so young. But just because you got pregnant very soon after having a c-section doesn't mean that there will be complications due to that. And just because you had a difficult second pregnancy doesn't mean that you'll have problems. Your doctor is the best on to talk to about that, and the best one to give you (hopefully) impartial advice. Everyone here is already a momma, so the debate on something like this is going to dig those thorns pretty deep, everyone has their own opinions on when and if abortion is okay, and finding impartial advice here, or on any parenting site is going to be difficult, if not impossible.
Talk to your doctor, talk to your hubby. If you have a close relationship with your mom, sister, cousin, whatever, talk to them too. You don't have to tell them everything, just let them share in your concerns and help you with your fears.

Lorraine - posted on 06/23/2013

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God only give us what he believes we can handle, that was a saying I heard years ago, and although you feel it's two hard, when the time passer you find out you were really able to cope, just the thought of it all seems daunting. Don't worry pet everything will be fine. Kiss Kiss I am 65 five and have 5 children.

BONNIE - posted on 06/23/2013

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Abort73.com
Don't do something that will haunt you the rest of your life. Every baby deserves a chance at life. As tough as you think it might be having another baby so soon, the blessing are awaiting you. If you feel that the hardship of having another baby is to much adoption is always an option but ending an life should never be. Blessing to you.

Sarah - posted on 06/26/2013

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I have a 3 year old, two 10 month olds, and I am due again in November. I really understand that panicky I-don't-want-to-have-another-baby feeling. I decided that there was no way I could choose to not have my new little one, and I know that the consequences of that decision are a lot of years of hard work and stress, but hey, I was gonna have to raise the other 3 either way. Try to be honest with yourself, your husband and your family about what you want. Ask a lot of questions of your doctor. Also, trust your instincts. If another kid is just not in the cards, it is better to decide now than after you are holding the little squirt. You will make the right decision, it will just take time to sort out your feelings.

Genevieve - posted on 06/21/2013

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Hi there. I just joined this group and have been just reading through some stories to get some support.
You have certainly been through a lot! I have an 8 month old little girl and I can't imagine having another child, I don't know how you mom's do it with more than one! I can imagine the news of your pregnancy is overwhelming to say the least. I can't say I know what you are going through but it will give you my perspective...
I feel like babies are little souls looking for a vessel to do their earth business and they choose us. I know sometimes it makes absolutely no sense and it throws us off completely but I truly believe there is a reason, even if that reason is to teach us something about ourselves. Maybe there is some lesson this little one is trying to teach you, even if it is knowing that you do not want to risk your health and you want to be around for your daughters. I hope this makes some sense to you. I do not think you are being dramatic, I think it is very natural to feel the way you do, especially after everything you have been through. I don't think you are cruel if you decide not to have your baby but from experience be very positive that you make the right decision for you. I know how hard it can be when you regret it.

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Mary - posted on 07/05/2013

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My baby had stopped growing... so I had to say goodbye to the child I never knew and never got to hold.
I have to admit if this happened long into the pregnancy and/or birth, I don't think I would be able to recover.
I find comfort in my husband and I will keep busy caring for my girls, and looking here in the posts to distract myself.
I do feel guilty, i caused this to happen because I doubted, and my child felt it...
and I am so sorry

Mary - posted on 06/25/2013

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I really appreciate all your comments and support! My doctor told me is not his ultimate recomendation but at the end of the day it's my choice...
I talked to my mother in law, well actually my husband "spit it out" to her, poor woman is still ins hock I think, and she also thinks is not a good idea...
My husband supports whatever decision I make but let's be honest, it's me the one going throug it, he's by my side but not inside me feeling what I'm feeling... Needless to say he was very happy with the news...
I am waiting for my mom to come back from a trip to talk to her, and I promise to keep you ladies informed since I appreciate your concern and advise.
Once again, thank you very much!

Tovah - posted on 06/25/2013

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My children are all spaced out pretty far apart, but if it helps you any, I am on baby number four that is #4 c-section. I am slightly apprehensive about this because the drs say that 3 should be the limit. But even as a young teenager before thinking of even becoming sexually active, I KNEW I would have 4 children.
In my opinion, with your worries, I would keep a very close watch on your pregnancy and if you everything turns out fine, I would in your shoes (as I am planning now) see about permanent birth control. Within a week or 2 of giving birth you can actually start the Depoprovera shot to make sure you don't get pregnant again. This may be a good idea for you as you explore other birth control methods.
I am not judging you or telling you do something you don't want to do, I am just saying what I would/am doing as I am in the same boat as you are. I am 17 weeks along with my 4th child and again, all 4 are/will be c section babies.
My first was also emergency. He was premie, breach, and had pneumonia in the womb. I was also going into labor in January-every week a visit to the hospital- and he was due the middle of March, born in mid-February.
Good Luck and God bless you in whatever decision you make.

User - posted on 06/25/2013

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I planned and got pregnant with my second child when my first child was three months old delivered via c section. My second child was also c section and there were no problems or complications. Four months after second c section went under again for tubal ligation another surgery and everything was just fine. So medically, you should be just fine. Good luck!

Deanna - posted on 06/24/2013

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It is natural and normal to be scared right now. You have some hard choices to make. Do you abort a baby you are already in love with or do you risk the chance of your life.
The reason you are supposed to wait between c-sections is the slim chance of rupturing the uterus if you are trying to deliver by vbac. It is safe to have another c-section, but the doctors would never allow a vaginal birth so soon after a c-section.
Are you being over dramatic? I think maybe a little, but it comes naturally when we are terrified.
The choice is yours and your spouse's, no one else can make your choice for you. But, we can give you advice. If you do decide to keep baby, it might be best to get your tubes tied to prevent another pregnancy. One which would be even more terrifying for you.
Good luck.

Deedee - posted on 06/24/2013

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No one here is living your life,you are overwhelmed as it is. Maybe it is time to do what you want in your life.

Naomi - posted on 06/24/2013

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I think she is taking about the medical risk of having the child not life circumstances e.g. financial. As she is afraid that she could die if she has the baby.

Wendee - posted on 06/24/2013

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Talk to your Dr.!! I gave birth to my 4th in December and had my 4th c-section. I have never had any complications that involve my c-section. I even labored for 8 hours on my 4th to try for a vbac. I ended up with a c-section because of a fever. But, I think your Dr. knows your births and knows how best to counsel you!

Kelly - posted on 06/23/2013

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Its alright my triplets were deliverd by c-section and there name are Kitrayah,Kiaranna,Kaylanna and then i was pregant again with 2 more and the other 2 names are Clairissa,Christalia and the trips are 17 monthes old and the 2new babies are 6MONTJES OLD damn i think to mysself my babies are growing they are to my pregnancy was a few days late my water broke at 2am i was in shock for 1 hour

Melinda - posted on 06/23/2013

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I have had three c-sections so far, am awaiting my fourth in early September. This will make four C-sections in 4 1/2 years. There were only 13 months between my first two. I won't say it's easy because it isn't, but it's worth it. Your body is more fragile, but the true chance of a uterine rupture is still slim. Talk to your doctor. Talk to your husband. Pray! I live in a community where we have a large Amish population and they do not believe in birth control. That being said, my OB treats many of them and told me when I was worried that he's done upwards of six c-sections in as many years on some of his Amish patients, so while most "English" don't find themselves in our shoes, it is not unheard of and is even common in some places. Praying for a healthy pregnancy and peace for you! (PM me if you need to chat.). :)

Denise - posted on 06/23/2013

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Talk to your Dr your health always comes first the decision is yours and your husband's no one else's my prayers are with you

Redragdoll21 - posted on 06/23/2013

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I feel that you should definitely talk to your doctor for sure and weigh all of the possibilities before deciding. You've been through a lot and anyone that would judge you in a negative way for considering not having the baby, don't know all of what you as a person has dealt with and can't say one way or another what they wouldn't do as they haven't been through what you have. Take your time and think about what's best for you , your family and your body. You know what you can and can't handle and it's your decision. Whichever you decide in essence you'll have to live with the decision one way or the other. With that being said, do what you think will make you happy!! :-)

Tami - posted on 06/23/2013

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Talk to your doctor; e/she knows you and your body best. But remember- what ever you decide, you have to live with that decision for the rest of your life. If you give up the baby which you already love, will you wonder down the road if you would have been alright and could have had the baby. How will you handle your decision?

I personally had hard labor and deliveries (56 hours with my first). My doctors told me not to have any more but without problems I had my first two 19 months apart and then 2nd and 3rd are 12 months apart. I am grateful every day for my children and that I didn't listen to the doctors. For me, prayer and my faith helped me through. I also have a great support from family and friends I could talk to. Who is your support and what advise do they say?

Yolandi - posted on 06/23/2013

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Hi can I sugest you go and see your doctor let him run some test and see if you are in any danger before you make a choice on what to do, as I also had 2 C sections and doc told me after the 3rd one your tummy is very fragile. Why don't you go through it. Then ones you are busy with the C section they can tie your tubes and it will not be painfull at all as you are already open. Just first find out by your doc maybe your body is much stronger then you will ever know. I mean I have seen woman having 6 babies and they still alive after there risk is so much higher due to babies growing in one tummy and space is limited. Hope you make the right choice at the end how do you feel about it! Just remember you can be very negative now and make the wrong choice because you are tired, baby blues ect as baby is still new.. I suggest you get baby taking care of (both kids) go for a pamper day and then make achoice when you are thinking clear as this will stay with you forever. Good luck

Leslie - posted on 06/23/2013

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I totally agree with you Genevieve. my child is Between PDD and Asperger. it been really hard the past year and half she became this way, but I would not change my choice I made before she was born. my pregnancy was a piece of cake. no morning sickness, I had to check my sugar and change my diet toward to end, 28 hours of labor , they almost lost me (I'm not going to pass out), my child is the child I thought I would never have. after that I went into depression. I been in depression since I was 10, but didn't know till I had baby. ended in the hospital for a week. pills did not work for me and my doctor would not change them. so I suffer without pills till the car accident happen. I was on my way to work with my daughter in the car with me. saw the ice on the road. I slow down, but I hit it just right and black out. I heard stories that I hit the ice and hit the other car and roll my car twice. we are both alive and I look like hit the wall and my daughter was fine even the MRI says so. the car crash scare the depression right out of me. now I do more with her and love her even more. she is my daughter I always wanted with either though she is just like mom and dad. we both have disabilities. she was a gift from god and the car crash woke me up to tell me that again.

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