bf.kid.ex help advice

Karina_209 - posted on 02/02/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My Boyfriend Is A Camper And We Have A Baby Together. He Has A Daughter She Is 7. He Wants To Bring Her And Her Sister In His Plans Along Eith Her Sister Babymamas Daughter Which Is Fine With Me.. But Then He Told Me That If They Come Then Their Mom Probably Will Come To Andi Am Just Not Comfortable With That Because Of Things That Happen When She Is Around. Tips & Advice

Reson why i dislike her is because she kiddnapped children and left the state came back and all caused daughter to be scared of dad so i was cool with him going over to visit at thier house and she took advantage of my trust invited him out and to do things as if they were a family and leaving me at my parents house pregnant ... later i had my son and it continued to happen.
i finally put a stop to it now daughter is comfortable coming with us so its a good thing but im not comfortable around her mothere. Hellllp idk how to approach him about it so he can understand

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Jodi - posted on 02/03/2014

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She wouldn't be locked up for taking her own children. She wasn't breaking any laws. She was, however, denying him his rights. He "could" have filed in the court to have them returned and arrange custody orders.

If there is currently no custody orders, he's not a really fast learner, is he? He really needs to file for visitation, and then she has no say in whether she is there or not - that is the court's decision. If visitation is granted and unsupervised, it's nothing to do with her, and she has no right to say she must attend, and she also has no way to manipulate him.

Can I also ask if your boyfriend has his own brain? You blame her for him drinking. I'm pretty sure she isn't injecting it into him intraveniously while he is being held down involuntarily. HE owns that behaviour, not her. If he can't resist her "manipulations" that is still HIS problem. After all, clearly the manipulating is working for her. It doesn't sound to me like you are holding him responsible for anything.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/04/2014

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Sounds like both of you need to do a bit of maturing, to be quite brutally honest.

You can't blame HER for HIM not making his own decisions...Blame HIM for that. If he's not filed for custody/visitation, its his own damned fault if she takes advantage.

All YOU can worry about is you and your child. Make sure that YOU have custody/visitation/support in place. That way, you will at least be sure that your kids are taken care of. Beyond that, his actions are his actions. I'm certain that she neither holds him hostage, nor ties him up and forces him to drink, etc, whilst visiting her home...He IS an adult, correct?

Karina_209 - posted on 02/03/2014

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Yesh because he did not want his daughter going thru being pulled away from her mother buy a stranger be put on a plane and have the mom locked up. It would too much for them.

Jodi - posted on 02/03/2014

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So if there is no court order, I do have to say....she did not kidnap the children. She removed them from the state without his consent, but because there was no court order, there was no kidnap. And if there is no court order, why did he not do something about her leaving the state? He could have and he chose not to.

Karina_209 - posted on 02/02/2014

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There is no court order.

Its not that i dont trust him but as his girl i want some respect. Every time im at school or work she make plans with him and offer to pick him up its like why is it when im busy that you cant work with us. I feel she manipulates him.
Its like you had your chance in the past.

Then i have my mom telling me that im stupid if i allow her to come camp with us which i feel i am because i dont socialize with her and i feel like im just there looking stupid because my bf likes to drink and she ask for drinks and ciggs.
every time i would allow him yo go over to their house he would be so drynk he could barely walk when i picked him up i thinks thats no respect at all because she encourges him to drink at her house.

Jodi - posted on 02/02/2014

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What does their court order say? I don't understand why she has to be going with them - he's the child's father, he has rights.

BTW, why don't you trust your boyfriend? You can't blame her if he accepted these invites, etc. If you trust him, it shouldn't bother you, if you don't then it is HIM you don't trust. I'm just saying that if this is about trust rather than the fact that he should be able to take his daughter without her tagging along, then maybe you need to think about that.

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