*BF's Exes: The Children's Mother, The Ex-FWB & The Soon To Be Ex-Wife

Courtney Dean - posted on 05/06/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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First I would like to start by saying that I have never been in a support type group until I found 'Circle of Moms'. In the last few hours I have found some very helpful responses to some of the issues that have come up incidentally.
I am excited to see what the 'Circle of Moms' can help with my current situation.
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My BF's exes refuse to come to terms with there being another woman in the home. The 3 women have become friends and have ceaselessly tried to come between us and now, awfully, have involved the children(9&12), which is why I am now seeking some help, advice, support, just whatever is out there so maybe I can find a way to stop this. I just cannot understand how these 3 women could involve the children that they all 3 claim to love.
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First came The X-FWB who threatens to come to our home and harm us(not the children), harasses(BF, D & me) via text messages, Facebook messages, and the occasional stop at our house, she is still trying to convince me that her and BF still see each other(to have sex) and even gives me the "details" of when, where, how long they did, what position, etc. I am sure you see my point, she is not what you would call "lady-like" or "classy".
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Then came The Children's Mother. BF and CM were never married, separated when the children were 3&6, BF says CM had always used pretty vulgar language but he had assumed that was something she would eventually quit when appropriate but BF says the problem only escalated to her teaching the children to talk in that manor and would curse the children constantly, one day he finally had enough, took the children(without a fight) and started a new life with them in a new home. In the years following she had been in several short-lived relationships, only seeing the children when she needed a place to stay until she found something else(from one man to the next)...My BF who had a new wife at the time, would let her stay at their house during those times so the children could spend time with their mother they barely new...
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The Soon To Be Ex-Wife came to introduce herself to me at the bar I was working in at that time. Let's just say that she could be a very successful actress! She played me like a fool. I remember coming home after work and the first thing I told BF was that his STBXW seemed to be a pretty decent person, he immediately stopped me before I could say another nice thing about her, and told me "she played you babe, she just wants to know whatever she can find out about you" and he was right. She dropped the act after a couple of weeks when she found out I was living with BF and the children. Then all hell broke lose, what was supposed to be a very simple/easy divorce had escalated into her wanting the house, sent messages to my phone(the contact # for the company) I just wasn't going to reply but the messages were getting personal so I simply replied with "I think you have the wrong number, this is his GF".........She went ballistic, I think I had around 20 messages from her after the 5 that were "for my BF" but the messages that were addressed to me were assumptions she had made about me, my life, my past relationships, my family, my finances and of course her "ongoing" sexual relationship with BF, by the way she is the one who filed for divorce...
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Now, I have only replied to a couple of very hateful statements that were made, only because they had involved the children or had said them to the children, any other time I get messages, calls, emails or see them in person I just save them, bite my tongue, grind my teeth and walk away. I have even got into my car to drive away from my own house because I didn't want to blow up. I just don't want the children to have scars from this. I absolutely despise these women for bringing innocent children into adult matters. I love the children and I love their father and we all get along so great, the only time there is conflict in the home is if 1 of the 3 ladies have shown up, called, messaged, etc.

(oh, almost forgot, all 3 of them have called me jealous, childish, insecure and immature...seriously)

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Sarah - posted on 05/06/2016

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Unless you feel you are truly in danger; ignore them! Block there numbers on your phone, delete them from you social media accounts and be done with them. Why eve stoop to their level by engaging?

Michelle - posted on 05/06/2016

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I would go to the police and file harassment charges against all 3 of them. Get a restraining order on them as well and see how tough they are.
You are so in the right for not involving the children though.
I must ask what your BF is doing about it all. If they are the same towards him then maybe he should also file charges. Make sure you keep all the messages, emails etc and go to the police.

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Raye - posted on 05/23/2016

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I would run like hell and not look back. I don't care how much you think you love your BF and don't want to let these women interfere. I am a step-mom, and while the conditions I live with are much better than you describe, it is still very difficult. If I knew then what I know now, I'm not sure I would have made the same choice. I love my husband and his kids, but damn, it's not easy. I've already committed to them, and am stubborn enough to see it through. But in your shoes... I would run... fast... and far.

Courtney Dean - posted on 05/21/2016

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My BF is being respectful of everyone involved, just as I am. We try not to reply, unless needed, we have blocked as many numbers as we can and they all seem to have special applications on their phones where they can message and call from anonymous numbers or fake ones, and since the divorce is not yet over he has been playing "nice" with the STBXW, which is something we agreed would be best, considering we are still living in "her home".

Courtney Dean - posted on 05/07/2016

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If the harassment continues, especially to the children, I think there is no other option but to press charges. They women are going to make an impact on their lives in a very bad way if they continue.

Courtney Dean - posted on 05/06/2016

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One thing I forgot to mention that I think is just a little funny... I just turned 25 in March. These three are between the ages of 27 and 38.
But I have thought about pressing charges then requesting the protective order. Then they will have to learn how to control themselves or they will wind up in jail.

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