BF vs 4yr old

Jessica - posted on 02/19/2015 ( 13 moms have responded )

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So my bf seems so bothered by my four year old. He doesn’t want to involve him in any of our activities, a cruise for my bday for example. He wants me to spank my child for things he does to him for example turning off the restroom light while my bf is in the shower. The smart thing to me as a parent would be lock the door so Has no access to the restroom while he is in there, he rather feels he should be spanked. It’s to the point where I don’t want my son to feel not wanted in his own home. Or like mommy doesn’t like him anymore. It doesn’t seem to bother him right now but I don’t know what he is really feeling inside. Does he like my bf? He always says my bf is mean. But other times they seem to get along well. It’s all about my bf most of the time though. My bf doesn’t understand him although he has a teen girl himself so he has experience with kids. Not sure if he was active in his daughters life as much because he is a marine. Anyways, he says he disrespects him. I explain to him, he’s a child. He would have disciplined him long ago if I let him. I don’t believe in spanking my child. I’m stuck. I don’t want to have to choose in the future. I love my bf. Why can’t he understand my child is just a kid doing kid things? Ugh someone please help.

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Andrea - posted on 02/19/2015

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Being a good parent and being a good step parent are two completely different things. If you don't parent well together, that makes the decision easy. Choose your son every time. He will notice if you don't. This guy doesn't sound like THE guy... Maybe the guy for you but definitely not the guy for your son.

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Ev - posted on 02/20/2015

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Let me give you an honest opinion of mine on this subject: Unless people are wiling to invest into the children of the person they are dating or want to be with for a long relationship, they are not worth it. There should be no choice. If someone came along and did not want to be a part of things with my kids (both adults now) when they were younger, he would have been gone.

You do not have to have a man in your life to justify who you are. You should not rely on anyone to make you who are. You first should learn to love self and then seek out a new partner once you have found you. I am not sure how long you have been a single parent and not dated but you have a child to think of first. His life is more important.

Brittney - posted on 02/20/2015

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Your kid comes before man. If you don't like how he treats your kid then he needs to go. You don't want to have to choose? There should be no choice! It should be your son over any boyfriend.

Raye - posted on 02/20/2015

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Yes, locking the bathroom door would be the obvious solution to your son turning off the light. Any man you allow in you and your son's lives should want to be there and want the whole package. If he never wants to include your son... run for the hills!

A child is a child and is going to act up and push buttons and play and argue and be a kid. That is not "disrespect" until the child get's old enough to know the difference. Wait til your son's a teen and you'll probably see disrespect. A child does need discipline and boundaries, and many partners, even married couples who are both the bio parents, differ in their opinions on how best to discipline. But in this case, you are the only parent in the equation and it's entirely your choice. Don't let someone else who obviously is not emotionally invested in your son cause you to do something you feel is harmful to him.

Michelle - posted on 02/19/2015

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I'm with the other ladies.
Your son comes before any man that comes into your life and if that man can't understand that then he isn't worthy of being in your life.
My first though on the bathroom incident was, good boy for turning off the light! You have taught him well, why would you spank him for doing what you have taught him to do?
You can raise your son how you want and if you don't want to spank you don't have to. I wouldn't be letting your BF discipline him at all!!!!
I think you already know what you need to do so hopefully you will put your son first and leave your BF.

Dove - posted on 02/19/2015

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And you moved this man into your lives and into your home.... why? Get him out asap.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/19/2015

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You've got your 'sign'. Your boyfriend is a controlling, potentially abusive bully that has no knowledge of parenting, and apparently no desire to learn.

Get rid of this loser, concentrate on you and your son. When the right guy comes along, you'll know...because he'll want BOTH of you and love BOTH of you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/19/2015

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Annnnnddd...thats when you dump his ass and find a man worthy of you AND your son. Your boyfriend is not going to change. Your son will be in your life forever. You have to raise him. Do you want to do it along side this man? Cause it sure won't be with him.

Your son comes first.

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2015

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There is a guy out there that would be the most awesome father to your son. They are not always easy to find as the ones that are not good are always easier to find. But they are out there. Right now focus on you and your son. When it is the right time and the right situation the right person will show up. But also don't waste your time on the Mr. Wrongs. You miss Mr. Right that way. :)

Jessica - posted on 02/19/2015

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thanks so much Sarah for responding. yes it sucks. sometimes i feel like what if i allow him to discipline my son. would that make him happier and my son feel bad. i feel already guilty with my son for not working it out with his father. i feel like i am all he has and than for me to allow this man to teach him to respect him for stupid things. than i am not doing my job as being his mom.

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2015

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Your boyfriend is putting you in the position to choose. Now you have to decide what you are going to do. For me it would be no question. My kids would always come first. I would also want to be with a man that wants to be involved in my child's life and has the same parenting philosophies as mine. Your son is already being affected by your choices. He sees it. Now you have to decide if you want it to continue or to look for a guy that really cares.

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