Bio dad wants back in the picture...

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

So, my son's bio dad has been out of the picture since he was 1 1/2, due to going to prison for 2 years. During this time, i started dating my husband. We got married in 2014, the same year my son's bio dad was released from prison. Part of his parole was that he couldn't contact me, but legally he still could've gone thru the courts for visitation. Anywho, in April 2016 my husband legally adopted our son, who is now 7. Ironically, in June 2016 my ex was let off parole, and sent me a message about possibly becoming a part of my son's life. My son knows he was adopted and about his birth dad, but changes his mind on what he wants when I bring up giving his birth dad updates on how he is doing etc. Obviously my husband is against it. He feels he had the chance to fight and didnt, which i totally understand. I am just wondering since my son is so back n forth on what he wants, if any other mothers out there have delt with this , and how they handled it. I am tore on what to do. I want to obviously honor my husband's wishes, but more importantly give my son a chance to do what he wants, wether it be talk to his bio dad or see him etc. Any advice helps! Thanks!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/18/2016

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And this is why I abhor duplicate posts!

Dove - posted on 10/18/2016

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His anger is certainly understandable. Perhaps speaking to an additional therapist for you and your husband would be helpful. As understandable as your husband's feelings are it doesn't change the fact that this man is your son's father (even though not legally... biology never changes) and if your son wants to have this minimal contact and his therapist is on board w/ it... your husband is just going to have to find a way to accept and deal w/ it. Good luck!! ♥

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/19/2016

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How is making a statement rude? Good grief.

As far as deleting: go to one or the other, and hit the delete button.

[deleted account]

@Shawn I disnt mean to post duplicate I have never posted to here before and I can't figure out how to delete the other posts. If u know how to please let me no. No need to be rude it was a simple mistake

[deleted account]

@Dove
That was my plan, however even though my son is ok with a picture being sent yearly with update, my husband is still not on board with that idea. He is trying to for the sake of our sons feelings, but he is having a hard time with it because of how his biological dad was to him. Obviously my son was too young to remember but his bio dad wasn't very nice to him and was very abusive to me mentally, verbally, and physically. Before he went to prison he took all of my $ I had for our sons necessities and whatnot, so I feel that some of what hy husband is feeling is just anger towards how my son and I were treated before

Dove - posted on 10/18/2016

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If you are working w/ your son and your son's therapist very closely on the matter... I would think respecting your son's wishes would be the way to go. Perhaps a school picture and a brief update (grade the kid is in, favorite subject, favorite activity) once a year and leave the rest til your son is a bit older. I would not keep bringing it up for the time being. If he said a picture is fine, but he wants to wait to have any other communication... wait.

Just tell your ex that since he has no legal rights to the child it is up to you, your husband, and son and none of you are ready for anything more at this point and it isn't up for discussion. He can keep you updated on his contact information if the situation ever changes, but he is not to contact you in any way other than to update phone numbers/addresses.

[deleted account]

Yes his rights were terminated when the adoption was approved. And I know legally I don't have to allow it I was just wondering morally. We have spoken to my son's therapist and talked about it with him and he said at the age is is, which yes 7 almost 8, that he is old enough to determine if he would want to start small and just talk to him. But he said maybe later in but not right now. However he did want me to send him school pics etc..

Ev - posted on 10/18/2016

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So your husband legally adopted your son? Bio dad's rights were taken from him then? If this is the case, then your ex has no legal rights to see the child at all. Your husband is quite normal in his worries about allowing the visits. Also, you child is 7 years old. Your child has no capacity to understand how to decide on things like this and should not be given a choice as yet about seeing his bio father or not. Your son may know about the adoption and the bio father--but he does not understand things like legal issues. Your best bet might be to also ask a lawyer but I would think that since your husband has been able to actually adopt your child and make this child legally his---the bio father has no rights whatsoever.

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