Bio lazy Mom

Elena - posted on 08/08/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have a wonderful, hardworking, dedicated man. We have been considering getting married. The problem is his lazy ex-wife. She causes a lot of drama. She teaches her son to cause drama in my home. His son is 16 with special needs. He is mildly autistic. He has had no therapy, counseling, or any kind of extra help outside of school. He attends school regularly, but outside of that he has no friends and is allowed to play the xbox all the time. He has an average grades are D's. His mom doesn't care if he passes or not. He is a smart kid, but has no ambition. He has not had to do chores of any kind. To say the least he is spoiled. He doesn't cut up his food, but chooses to eat with no manners. This child has needed special time and care all his life. (But has never received it) He struggles openly in public situations. He has a very hard time making a connection with other people. So here is my problem. His mother is very neglectful. She never helps with school work or even encourages him to go to school. She does not teach him anything. Dishes, laundry, yard works. The little things every parents automatically do. He can not care for himself. He can't even make a grill cheese sandwich. She spends all her child support on alcohol or to visit her friend that lives in another county. She refuses to work.Lives in her dads house and scams my man for money every chance she gets.

I have two teenage daughters of my own. One of which is bipolar, so I am very aware of how much work it takes to care for and support a kid with special needs. My special needs child is now 19. She has a job and starts college in a month. With the right support system any child can succeed. I am a social worker, working on finishing my masters degree. That leaves me with my 16 year old daughter. Whom I hate to say over the years have gotten the short end of the stick with me. It was never intentional. She knows how much I love her and was there for the daily struggles with her older sister. It is her time!!!! She deserves my undivided attention.

All I ever want to do is tell his ex-wife what a crappy mom she is. I do not have the time or energy to take on another special needs child. His problems cause drama in my home on a regular basis. I refuse to treat him any different than I do my own. He doesn't need another person in his life baby him. He will never be able to take care of himself. Is it worth trying to save this relationship? I've been beating myself up over this for awhile now.


Enna - posted on 08/08/2013




Well, if you're not willing to help fix it, then I don't think you have any right to complain about it. I'm not judging you, I have bipolar disorder and my daughter has depression/ADHD. So I understand the struggles and not wanting more than you already have. But as it is, nothing is going to get better unless someone steps in. Telling his mom how bad she is might make you feel a little better, but it's not going to help. If she hasn't done anything so far, then I don't think she's going to start now.
Where's your husband in all this? It sounds like you're dealing with it, what about him?

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