BIO MOM DRIVING ME NUTS...ADVICE PLEASE !

Alexa - posted on 10/23/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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So this is the second site I visit to share and relate with others. The first site I went on didn't go so well and I got attacked by bitter stepmoms with bad experiences. Any negative or mean feedback isn't wanted. So basically me and my fiancé have been together for a year and a half and he has a 4 year old. I am 24 and he is 30 and we have a home. My fiancé got caught in a situation where right when his ex felt like they were breaking up she got "pregnant" while on the pill. Him not having a father he stayed with her until he couldn't take it anymore. She is lazy and never took care of her son and he did everything in the household. She doesn't work either and he had to come home from a long day cook clean and take care of his son. Anyways....recently we found out shes been super unstable and escorting herself for work and she agreed to give him full custody and she has visits every 2 weeks on the weekend. This little boy adores me...we get along great. My fiancé is an amazing man and takes care of us both and in our household it is a loving environment but this girl is driving me nuts. Long story short she obviously tries to put things in her sons head calling me mean and he comes home saying she said I am a dog etc... I don't agree with how she raises him the little time that she has although I try my best to keep my distance and respect boundaries. This weekend my fiancé's son came back with his head shaved to the skin!!! After I just cut his hair a few days before! She said he had a dry patch and needed to shave it but I see nothing! She is crazy and is known for doing crazy things. This is her second son from a different man. She did the same thing to her first boyfriend and he now has full custody! Anybody can relate or give me advice? I am a very outspoken and opinionated person and I'm having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. My boyfriend confronts her and tries to set her straight but she laughs it off and thinks its a joke. How can I deal and just let this go? She gets me angry and all I want to do is yell at her when she comes pick him up. She is always starting fights or doing things to get on my nerves but I am at a point where I just want to pop! (Italian genes lol) So if anyone can give advice or share any stories I would appreciate that.

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Dove - posted on 10/23/2015

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Keep your cool and ignore her. If she is endangering the child the child's father should document everything, take his evidence to court, and push for supervised visitations. Otherwise... good luck cuz you guys are stuck dealing w/ her until the child turns 18 (not said to be mean... just a fact, unfortunately).

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Raye - posted on 10/26/2015

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Well, I think every step-parent knows the day will probably come when the kids get rebellious and say "you're not my *real* mom, I hate you, I don't have to listen to you". But kids sometimes say they hate their real parent, too. My mom was a single-mom, and I rebelled against her hard. But she kept trying to do what was right for me and I respect her for it now. So, just because he may "turn against you", doesn't mean you should distance yourself from the boy. Step-parenting is really hard. But then parenting is really hard. You just have to be strong, be united with your partner, and hang in there.

Dove - posted on 10/23/2015

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Kids are smart. They know who loves and supports them and is there for them. Granted, seeing as how she is MOM there may very well be days or even years that he is 'on her side'... but just keep loving him and not feeding into the drama on any level and he'll come to understand the truth.

Alexa - posted on 10/23/2015

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Thank you so much for your feedback! Makes me feel better that there are others around with similar situations! I'm young and really have no one to talk to that would understand. I appreciate everyones opinions even if they disagree....the other site they just attacked me saying I should detatch myself from my SS and I'm crazy for falling in love with him and that in the long run he will only turn against me no matter who his mother is. That was just a little too shocking and negative for my taste.

Raye - posted on 10/23/2015

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I am a step-mom and know very well about baby-mama-drama. My ex-wife-in-law is not as bad as your ex-wife-in-law-to-be, but I feel your pain. It's very hard to not be affected by the negativity and erratic behavior. If the boy says his mother called you a dog or other bad name, just tell him that his mother doesn't know you well enough to say those things. You should realize that in her attempt to sabotage you, she's really hurting herself and her relationship with her son. It's sad really. He will learn that she's toxic, and he may eventually decide he doesn't want to be around her. The nicer you are and more supportive of your SS, the more he will know who really cares for him. The father should be the one to confront the mother, and you should stay out of it as much as possible. Anything you do will feed the flames of her crazy.

As far as asking for positive feedback only, this is a public forum, and anyone who feels they have something to say on the subject can chime in. I have had people here disagree with me, and it actually gave me a new way to think about things. So comments that don't validate your viewpoint can sometimes still be helpful. And if they're not helpful, then just ignore them. There are some people that just want to argue.

Hugs and best wishes for your family. You are a strong woman, and can handle this. Hang in there and don't let the baby-mama drag you down to her level. You're too classy for that!

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