Bio-mom is stressing me out! What do I do?

Tara - posted on 03/10/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. Since we got together, we have dealt with issue after issue with his ex. I have not ever met this woman and she is stressing me out to no end.

When we first started dating, they had been broken up for 6 months. When she found out we were dating, she flipped and would stand outside of his house calling me an ugly whore and a homewrecker and him a deadbeat. He had to threaten to call the cops to get her to leave.

She showed up a couple of times after that but stopped after we had been dating for 5 months. Come to find out, my bf ended up sleeping with her. She confronted me on fb about it and said I ruined her family and broke them up. After he went to counseling and tried to make things right, she found out we were back together and she lost it.

She started posts about me on social media. Told everyone what he'd done to me and laughed about her part in it. She sent naked pics to his email and begged him to leave me. She has brought my family into it. So far, I've ignored everything.

I have yet to meet his child because she forbids it. In fact, his child refuses to meet me because of things his mother has told him. His son is 12 btw. The kid says horrible things to his dad because she rewards him for that. The kid admitted he said he wished we'd die because his mom said he'd be grounded if he didn't say all that.

What do I do about this woman? My bf is at a loss. They are currently going back to court for some issues. I don't like conflict or confrontation. And I don't know what to say to her if I was to confront her. Any advice is appreciated.

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Michelle - posted on 03/11/2015

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I'm sorry but there are far too many things going on.
I have been with someone who had an ex wife almost as bad as her and needless to say I didn't stay. It's not fair on the child to be stuck in the middle.
Unfortunately you can't control how she behaves and it doesn't look like she will change anytime soon.
Do you think you could put up with her being like that for the next 6 years or so?
If you do marry your BF then you will have to meet his son sometime. Unless it's written in their court papers then she can't forbid you being around the child though. That's just her trying to control the whole situation.
I personally couldn't put up with all of that though.

Shindira - posted on 03/10/2015

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This seems like a very stressful situation for you. I did not see you mention that you have a child with him yourself. Personally I would leave him alone. This baby momma drama is his nightmare not yours and you are not being fair to your mental wellbeing and happiness to assume some else's burden's and life's decisions. Often times we as women settle into someone else's life without creating the life we want and deserve. It sounds as though a relationship with him is just not worth the stress and mental anguish you are going through. Just my humble opinion though.

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Tara - posted on 03/11/2015

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When I walked into this situation, she was mad at him for the breakup but normal. Once she found out about me, all of this started. He said when they broke up when the child was a year old, she never acted like this. The had only gotten back together when the child turned 8 to try and make the relationship work for him. They broke up after trying for 3 years. He said the therapist said their relationship is toxic and they should not have any interaction with one another unless they have too.

My bf is stable. He hates this drama but has confronted her on many occasions and remains confrontational when he has too. He only speaks with her when it concerns the child, as the therapist recommended. She doesn't care for that at all. He has confronted her about the things she has said about me. I don't have any interaction with her. The other people in his life are not like her with their exs and find her behavior inappropriate, especially concerning the child. They are currently back in court and he is seeking to have her attend parenting classes.

As for our relationship, we are happy together. We work well and I support him in his decisions regarding his son and her. I try not to put my two cents in. We've discussed marriage and our future together. I know this includes her and I can deal with that but not with the drama. She isn't like this all the time. She will got for a month or so without a word and then something will happen that causes her to act up again.

Trisha - posted on 03/11/2015

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I have to be honest, if I saw a woman I knew walk into that type of relationship, and be unhappy, the only response I would have is "She knew what she was getting into, and doesn't believe she deserves better...so she doesn't." It is a bit harsh, but that is the truth.

Raye - posted on 03/11/2015

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His ex is trying to manipulate him, and apparently it worked if he slept with her after he started dating you. I would run for the hills. That poor child is stuck in the middle, and deserves to have his parents work things out either together or separately, to provide him a more stable life. Unfortunately, it seems your BF is not trying to resolve the situation to make it better for his kid or for you. So, as I said, I would get out.

Trisha - posted on 03/10/2015

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This is a ridiculously stressful situation, that I would not choose for myself. You are a brave woman for knowingly walking into this complicated and drama-filled of a life.
What is your bf like? Is he stable? Does he like to avoid confrontation as well, or does his personality attract people like this?

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