Bio mum nitemare

Leesa - posted on 06/16/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi ladies,
I will try to make this short, me and my husband have
Been together over 10 years. We just got married
Last week. He was given up at birth and when he was
10 his mother came back and decided to start calling
Him by his stepfathers surname but didn't legally
Change it. Since then he has been know by that name.
As we wanted to get married he had to use his birth
Certificated and wants to go back to his birth
Name to honor his father. Ok when he had kids as his
Drivers licence is in stepfathers surname and he didn't
Have a copy of his birth certificate ( he's been in
Over 180 homes since birth) he used his stepfathers
Surname for his kids. Now the ex found out we got
Married and is trying to start shit about him wanting
To go back to his real name and saying their kids
Won't be changing theirs. We both know she's just
Jealous and wants to try to be difficult like
Always but I think she's being pretty immature
Considering she's all about family and this step
Fathers surname is not even related and he was a
Terrible man who sexually and physically assaulted
Both my husband and his sister. What do u think bio mum
Is jealous

6 Comments

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Leesa - posted on 06/16/2013

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Thank u Amy I agree it should be up to them and
Went their old enough they can have it done
Themselves if they choose without their parents
Consent.

Leesa - posted on 06/16/2013

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Thank u Jodi,
I agree its her choice if she wants to change the kids name,
Like I told her the kids know who their dad is regardless of
Their name. What I was saying is I don't know why she
Wouldn't want their fathers real legally name for legal reasons on
their birth certificate but like
I said before they both should of done that when they were
Born. Regardless of any of this his name doesn't matter they
Are his kids and my step kids and we live them to bits
Thanks for your input

Jodi - posted on 06/16/2013

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But that's the point. She doesn't have to agree to it. You're right in that she has no say in what your partner does with his name, but she has some say in whether the kids can change their name or not. Clearly, with your partner, it isn't his real name anyway, so it has never been legally changed, right? (You mentioned that they won't marry you with his current name). But the children have this as their LEGAL name, and it requires jumping through legal loopholes to change their name. They are both responsible for the fact that the children don't have his real legal name, not just her. I can't see that this is about jealousy. He can go ahead and change his name, he doesn't need her permission for that, but I think its unreasonable to blame her for the fact that she won't agree to the children changing their name.

Leesa - posted on 06/16/2013

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Thank u both of u I agree with you both, I didn't say
The kids should change their name at all they have
Been known by that name since birth even though its
Not really legally their fathers name. What I was saying is
His ex seems to think he shouldn't be able to change his
Name and seems to think its her business what we do.
We have both told the kids no matter what their name is
He is still their father and always will be but I don't think
Just because we wanted to get married we should feel like
Shit which is what his ex is trying to do. We couldn't get married
By his known as name anyway as they need real legal
Names for that and if we wanted to he would of had to have
A name change into known name and he doesn't want to be
Known by his step fathers name any longer and I think that
Should be his choice. Believe me his ex loves to make
As much trouble as she possibly can everything has
To be her way or no way but like I said before if the kids
Don't want to change their name into their real fathers
Legal name no problem but don't see how that's my fault as
She's trying to make out. He pays his child suport and
See them and always has no matter what his name is.
One of his daughters lives with us full time and she stated
She would like to have dads real name but her mother
Went skits when she asked. Her mother is all about
Family but not having their fathers real birth name I don't see
How she thinks that's ok. Most importantly they both
Should of used his birth name from the start as she knew
What it was when their kids were born but all being
Girls she has said they aren't changing their name
Until they marry when they are older but the next thing she
Said was but the kids are a bit upset that their dad decided
To have a different name to them so over it I am
The one married to him not her thanks for your advice

Jodi - posted on 06/16/2013

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I agree with Amy. He can't force a change of name for his children just because he wants to revert to another name. I can't see how this is about her jealousy or trying to be difficult. This is your husband's choice for himself, but he doesn't have sole right to make that choice for his children. Those children are the children of 2 people, and if they are used to one name, it is unreasonable to expect that it is okay to change it. Clearly, if you have been with him for 10 years, then they are older children, so maybe THEY don't want to change their name, and maybe it isn't appropriate to tell them why they should?

Amy - posted on 06/16/2013

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I think it's one thing for your husband to change his name if he wants I think it's unreasonable to expect that the children would change their names too. The last name is what the kids know, it's what they're known by, I think if the name change should be left up to them.

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