Biomom strongarms my husband and I to her benefit. What should I do?

Nicole - posted on 09/14/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am a stepmom. Long story short, biomom is in the picture but does not assume any of the responsibilities of a parent. My husband and I do. My step son has visitation with his mom every other weekend and it has been that way for 5 years. The relationship between the BM, myself, and my husband is VERY strained. The BM has always had a problem with me, she has attacked me on numerous occasions, verbally and physically, and it is no secret that we all do not get along. My SS is now 7 and plays soccer. the BM is not able to drive and depends very heavily on her father and my husband to get from point A to point B. This Saturday my SS has a soccer game at 9am, with team pictures before at a different park. My husband reached out to the BM to ask if we may pick up my SS at 7:30am for pictures and his game. The BM said that she will only allow it if she comes with us. Idk how I feel about this. Clearly I will be there, as I always have been (and always will be - whereas she rarely makes these events at all). My husband suggested that she meet us at his game later that morning to keep tensions at bay, but she will not have it. Idk if I am being selfish or if I have every right to feel this irritated by the situation. Even my SS says how his mom hates me and he gets stressed out by the situation, too. Everyone does, not just me. How should I handle this? I really don't feel like I should have to stay home for the sake of her immaturity. But at the same time I know it will be nothing but problems if she comes with us, and I don't want that kind of drama around, especially for my SS just before his soccer game. And when I say drama, I mean I could sit there and not say a word and she will have some kind of remark about my hair, my weight, my car, the way I talk... pretty much anything. Its inevitable that she will start something with me. What do you ladies recommend I do? Should I grin and bear it, or stay home? Or something else? I'm really upset about this. I want to do what's right for my stepson but I know this will cause more harm than good.

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Dove - posted on 09/14/2016

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When she made that comment about you having no soul... did you ignore her or did you add in the confrontation?

If it is her weekend w/ him then either she is going to have to find a way to get him to the game herself or the father is going to have to go along w/ bringing both of them... though I, personally, would leave it to her to find their transportation and just meet them at the game to watch.

It takes two to create a confrontation because if one disengages or walks away there IS no confrontation. If you do not think the two of you will be able to be in the same space w/out drama and your husband IS going to drive her.. either stay home or take another vehicle.

Ev - posted on 09/14/2016

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It is her time though and maybe she should find a way to get him to the game and pictures then. But the way your husband is handling this is not good either. He needs to stand up to her and tell her that it has to be this way not her way.

Nicole - posted on 09/14/2016

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I have come to accept this long ago. It is not something that I never NOT considered. What I should not have to deal with, though, is the constant harassment and bullying I receive from her. As I said, she has physically attacked me on multiple occasions, one being my SS's tball game and the cops were called, simply because my husband held my hand and made a comment about my hands being cold, and she chimed in how it's because I have no soul and it quickly escalated from there, and before I knew it she punched me in the face.



Dad did NOT offer a ride to her and he is just as much against the idea as I am, which is why he suggested she meet us at the game. But this whole issue comes into play because my SS will be with her this weekend and she has no way or means of getting him to pictures or the game, which is why he asked if we may pick him up and she said the only way she will permit that is if we take her with.

Ev - posted on 09/14/2016

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You have to sort of understand one thing: She is his mom and she is there whether you like it or not for the next 12 plus years of his life while he lives with dad and she had visitation. She will still be there after for other important things like graduations, marriage, and grand kids.

As for the picture day/game day, if dad has offered and she has accepted the ride to the game and so forth, either grin and bear it or take another car. Dad is doing this so that she can be there for her son. He is not doing this to bug you.

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