birth plans

MaryAnn - posted on 08/26/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




Im 35 weeks pregnant and now is the time for me to start thinking aboutthe big day, and i need a little reassurance.
Im a very private person, and i do not want to have the grand parents waiting for me in the waiting room. I have a strong feeling my mother in law and father in law will understand.
My parents have been divorced for... Jeeze, 23 years? Idk. Longer than i can remember.
I just had my baby shower, co ed, and i absolutely do NOT want to see both my parents at the same time again.
They didnt fight, but my father was chatting up his family about my mother continuing to engage in parental alienation to this day. In my mothers back yard. At my baby shower. Because my sister is withdrawing after he verbally assaulted her last week. Shes an adult, and a parent if that helps.
My relationship with him is only months in the healing process after two years of radio silence for the same thing.
I expressed to my mom that i really just want to call her when im ready for visitors. But she went on and on and on about her rights as my mother and my childs grandmother. I dont trust her to resect me in this.
If my father finds out, I risk having the same old verbal assault/blaming my mother for his issues duo, and i really dont want that.
Anyone have any relevant experience in asking parents/grandparents to respect birth wishes?
I feel like Im going to need to go to the hospital in secret to give birth... And its not sitting well.


View replies by

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2015




Sarah has said some really good points.
I also wouldn't let anyone know you're in labor if you don't even want them in the waiting room.
Yes, your Mother is the Grandmother but YOUR rights as the person giving birth is that you can choose who knows about it and who doesn't.
If you feel that you do need to let them know when you go to hospital, make sure the nurses know not to let anyone in with you until you have said they can come in. Make sure your husband is also on the same page so that the nurses can ask him as well.

Sarah - posted on 08/26/2015




Oh my friend have I got a tip for you! First the waiting room is exactly where you want the grandparents, not in the delivery room with you! Get your nurse to do your dirty work! I was a Labor and Delivery nurse for years. If you nurse won't help you, fire her and ask for a new one (yes you can do this, and you can do it until you get a nurse who has your back)
Legally, the only people allowed in the delivery room are you, your doctor and nurse (respiratory therapist and neonatologist if needed). Period. Dad doesn't even get in unless you want him there. I have dealt with lots of baby-daddy drama. Grandparents, while they'd love to be there (watching you push a baby out) will take the direction of the nurse and sit together clutching hands until the big arrival! There will be a window of time when your hubby or a nurse takes the baby to the nursery for evaluation (about an hour so after you deliver) They can see the baby (take pictures but NOT hold baby) then and you brave partner (if your partner wimps out, the nurse) will tell them all to to go home and call everyone with the news! Then you have some time alone.
IMO it is a good idea to let the GP be the first visitors. Not letting GP be the first can make for life long hurt. However, they do NOT need to see you delivering the placenta, getting your episiotomy stitched or you trying to latch the baby on to your breast.
Tell your postpartum nurse that you'd like visitors to be screened, and if you don't ok the visitor, you nurse will come up with a diplomatic reason (she's nursing, she's in pain, she' sleeping)
I do think you may be surprised that your feelings change once baby arrives, but if they don't, it is ok. You only get to deliver a tiny human once, twice, (in my case six) times. YOU get the say so on who sees, touches, and holds that precious package!

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