Blended Family: Together or torn

Heather - posted on 07/16/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

2

0

1

I have been re-married for 5 years now (together for 7). I have 3 children of my own from my first marriage. My son age 20, my daughter age 18, and other daughter age 12. My husband has 3 children from his first marriage as well. Two sons age 13 and 10. And a daughter age 9. The problem is I am torn in the middle. My life is a virtual tug of war between my husband and children. We have been together 7 years and things began fairly well but as my children have aged it has gone down hill. We both have joint custody with our exes. A week on and a week off. We have our children the same week. My oldest does not do this as he lives out of the home now. But up until last year he had. I cant even explain the problems and frustrations. But how do I get my husband to make me stop trying to choose between him and my kids. Because unfortunately when push comes to shove I dont think he would like my choice. Please blended families like mine help!!!

4 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 07/17/2014

3,560

36

3907

Serene, it is the husband asking her to put him ahead of her children, not the grown son.

Serene - posted on 07/16/2014

735

59

67

I'm Not from a blended family but, I would never put my grown children infront of my childrens needs. They are adults they can take care of themselves.

Jodi - posted on 07/16/2014

3,560

36

3907

What is your husband demanding of you that is making you choose? I would need more information to give advice. I, too, am in a complicated blended family, so I understand the feeling of being pulled in different directions, but I have always managed to work it out in the end.

Dave - posted on 07/16/2014

6

0

0

I'm not part of a blended family, but I can try to give you a point of view from the man's side.
Years ago, I dated a single mom. We got along great, but it was obvious that no matter what, I would come 2nd to her daughter. It's something I had to accept, because that's as it should be.
I've now been married for many years (to another lady) and we have 2 children together. The relationship is different, because we started out as "just us". The kids came later, after my wife and I had established a strong bond together.
If you are feeling torn between your husband and your children, then at the very least, you should probably have a deep conversation with him, and explain to him how you feel. You need a partner - a teammate to go through life with, and to help raise your children. That's the role he signed up for.
Hopefully, when he hears what it's been like for you, he'll change.
If you're uncomfortable speaking one on one, then you may want to seek out a couples therapist who can create a safe place for you to express yourself, and to (conversely) listen to his concerns as well.
I wish you all the best for you and your family.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms