Blended family with dicepline issues and double standards .

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 1 year , I have 4 kids from a previous marriage and he has 2 kids , one of his children lives with us and she is the same age as my girls . We have been fighting for some time now because he believes that I dont treat her the same as I do my own children . I love all of our kids the same but its difficult when problems arrise and he doesnt want to handle them . For some time now his daughter has been lieing and stealing from home and school , i;ve tried to handle this on my own since he refuses to see what is happening but when i disipline her he gets angry and we fight . I don't spank her , i just take stuff away for 1 or 2 days or she has to be placed in time out .She is 11 and all of this is begining to be overwhelming to me . I'm no longer sure of what to do , since he wont face the problems and this is affecting my children also , they r not treated the sameby him and they question why ? It brakes my heart when thay ask me if he loves them , i don't know whatto do anymore .

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Alisha - posted on 03/30/2012

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oh your husbands kind of like mine "we don't need counseling" even though at times it seems like we might. it might do something not sure how much, when a family needs it a family needs to be there. but give it a try with just you and the girls and see how things go and even ask the counselor what can be done about him not coming.. but also if something doesn't want to be fixed it wont get fixed. but please keep your head up be as positive as possible and if your gut says something needs to be done to end the fighting do what needs to be done even if it means separation for a while or more. there is no reason for you and your kids to be unhappy i am still at a lose as for his daughter maybe she is acting out for different reason maybe a woman to woman talk between you and her should accure, if not already done that is maybe she is harboring some feelings about the separation between her parents who know kids and even adults act out when they are have some emotional issues. but like i said give it a try with just you and there girls try and see if she would like to attend with you . hope i am giving some good advise or at least some what helpful.

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[deleted account]

Thank you both for your advice . This all has been going on for a few months now and he has since told me more than once that he can't be with me anymore because his daughter isnt happy but not once has he thought about my kids and how all that has happened has affected them , when she steals it is from my girls and takes their stuff to school and gives it away btu they have never mistreated her or turned their backs on her . I feel like i know longer know where we stand with eachother or if there is even an us anymore .

Krista - posted on 03/30/2012

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Alisha gives excellent advice. Tell him that you love him, and you love the kids, and you want the family to function well together, but that right now it's not, because you're on completely separate pages with regards to discipline. Tell him that if he doesn't open his eyes, his daughter is going to wind up in a lot of trouble, and it'll be much harder to address this when she's a teenager and even more independent.



Ask him to come to just one counseling session with you. Just one -- that it's the least he can do to try to restore function to your family. Hopefully the counselor will have some good valuable insight, and will persuade him to keep attending.

[deleted account]

I have tried to get my husband to go to couseling and he refuses , I want to go but not sure how much good it would do for just the kids and I to go with out him .

Alisha - posted on 03/29/2012

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maybe a family counselor could help with that one. the best counselors are neutral in those situations they have everybody put everything out in the open and discuss it and suggest how to handle it. if he doesn't want to handle the discipline with his daughter he has no right to get mad at you in my opinion that is also if action is not taken she could get in to worse trouble legal wise stores take it seriously and take legal action and call the police and press charges and he can't blame anyone for it then her and him not taking action you tried to put a stop to it and he got mad. now with him treating your kids the same as his own then that needs to be addressed to him by both you and your kids. but anyways i think a counselor would be a better choice for help with this one then the internet honestly cause they know how to handle these situations better then strangers

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