Blending a family, tantrums with my 6 yr old

Heidi - posted on 01/08/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )




Living with a blended family is proving to be a challenge, my boyfriend has no biological children, I bring 3 to the relationship. It can be difficult to "co-parent" when he has no parental experience. My 6 yr old has tantrums, not daily but a couple a week (@ my house and her dads). She is a strong willed girl. And her and my boyfriend butt heads a lot. My other 2 children get along great with the both of us. #stressed


Dove - posted on 01/08/2016




Has the 6 year old always had frequent tantrums... or is it recent to you moving the boyfriend in? How long has he been your boyfriend and how long have the two of you been living together?

I ask about the tantrums because my son used to throw some WICKED fits... Turns out that extreme tantrums can be a sign of anxiety and/or depression in young children. Time, maturity, and 6 months of counseling really helped us out w/ that.

If it's just situational (surrounding the boyfriend)... some family counseling still might be beneficial. If the boyfriend is butting heads w/ a 6 year old... you might need to tell him (out of ear shot of your child) to back off a bit. He's a boyfriend... not a spouse, so unless you guys have been together for YEARS... he really shouldn't be co-parenting just yet. He should certainly be respected as an adult in the home, but the parenting may need to still be 'yours' for now.


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Raye - posted on 01/08/2016




I'm a step-mom of two with no prior parenting experience. The trick is you and your BF talking about things, privately after they happen, and discussing the correct way to handle it if/when it happens again. You should not just dictate to him "it must be this way", as he is not a child. It should be a discussion. You might be pleasantly surprised by his perspective and come out stronger and with more respect for each other as well.

I agree with Dove, that you should be the primary disciplinarian (at least for now), but he should still be respected. Even if he makes some mistakes, it's best if you can be united with him in front of the kids when enacting consequences (then discuss it later in private if you think he was too harsh/soft). That way, the kids will learn they can't play you against each other just to get their way, or make all of you more miserable when they don't get their way.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/08/2016




He's your boyfriend, not her step father. He's not your spouse.

He needs to be the adult here, if he's continually 'butting heads' with a 6 year old.

Other than that, the other ladies have covered it.

Ev - posted on 01/08/2016




How long have you been with this BF and how long has he actually known the kids?

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