Bryanne - posted on 06/11/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )
I've been married to my husband for 3 months now. We dated for 4 years and lived together for 3 of those years. I have a 14 and 10 year old son, he has a 9 year old son. Both from previous marriages. I am a full time nurse, and he is an engineer for the railroad. Railroad life is a whole different story. A very difficult lifestyle. And a hard role for me, trying to accommodate, organize, keep everyone happy, and maintain a home, because my husband is always on the road, and......also be a happy wife for my husband to come to after being away for days.
But, my poor, always sleep deprived husband, exhausts me. Already worn down by just being a mom, then here comes my grumpy husband. Especially when the kids are home. I have joint custody of my boys, so they are with us every other weekend, and 3 days one week, 2 days the next. His son lives in a different state, so he spends all long holidays with us. Including ALL of summer. So then there is absolutely no alone time with my husband during summer. Plus, the days my boys are there, it's all day long. Not like when there in school. So.... my home is hell during the summer.
I support my husband with his job, try to help him keep his head up, and encourage everything he does. But this grumpy man he turns into is almost impossible to support. He yells at the boys for every little thing they do. From going outside to eating snacks. I feel like my kids live in a prison. Dont get me wrong, i have rules and punishments also, but I do let them enjoy being a kid. My husband has to sleep during the day, when he comes back home from a trip after he's worked all night and usually the boys are here. 3 boys are almost impossible to be quiet as a mouse, but my husband won't sleep, he won't try. He feels guilty sleeping while he's home with them, or if im home, he feels guilty hes wasting our time together away. My 14 year old babysits the 2 younger boys when we are both away at work. I beg him to try and rest so he's happier.
There is no compromising with him. Everything becomes everyone else's fault and especially mine. Because he's always tired, or because we never get to spend enough time with each other, or the boys are always doing something wrong, but really they are not and are great kids.
He's even brought up we might as well just go ahead and get a divorce before it's too late. He says his job and our kids are ruining our marriage. I feel like I put so much into our marriage, and he dosnt. He just wants to give up so easily. He always uses the railroad as his excuse for everything. Yeah, it's tough, but that was his job when I met him, and that's all myself and the boys know. It just seems to be getting worse. Nothing I say matters anymore. He's moody and the terrible things he says hurts. Especially mentioning a divorce. I know he dosnt mean it, but how can I make him understand hurtful words along with his job and a blended family only makes things worse. And only pushes me away. And I only see him here and there. I try to tell him, always cherish the little bit of time we do have together, not make that little bit of time miserable.
Any railroad wives that can relate, or can anyone just give me some advice. I do not wanot to loose my husband that I love so very much. And I do not want my kids to resent their stepdad, who they always enjoyed being around because hes turned into a moody monster.
And btw. He has a lot of time invested into his job, and I know most would say, just go find another job. Sometimes those type of jobs are not easy to replace. We've already thought that process out.