Blending family issues

Joni - posted on 02/27/2017 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My partner and I live together, we have been together for 5 years, I have 3 children and he has 3 children, his children are always with us, he is a widow, I am divorced and my children are here about 60-70% of the time, gone every other weekend with their dad. I have noticed that my partner has been spending a lot of money on his oldest daughter lately, getting her what ever she asks for when she asks for it. She lies to him and gets bad grades and even after that rewards her for her bad behavior. When my kids get things they don't just get them it is usually a special occasion like christmas or birthdays. How do I talk to him about this, I think it's wrong, I think she is manipulating him and I think he thinks somehow by buying her whatever she wants he'll be closer to her and make up for her mom not being around. How do I talk about this with him, I'm not jealous about it or anything I just think it is the wrong way to be raising your kids, this is why we have all these entitled little monsters running around.

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Michelle - posted on 02/28/2017

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I agree with Sarah.
Let him know that you think all the children should have the same expectations of them and 1 shouldn't get more than the others. You said he has 3 of his own so bring them up. Tell him it's not fair on all the others.
Like Sarah said, if she's a teen then he may not realize what he is doing to keep the peace. Who really wants to deal with a girl going through puberty but it has to be stopped as she won't get any better.

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Ev - posted on 02/28/2017

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I have to agree with the others as well. If it is not a communication issue with the two of you then he needs to be aware what is going on and what your concern is.

Sarah - posted on 02/27/2017

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He is your partner, i think you spelled it out pretty well in your post. The important piece is to make sure you don't attack him. Pick a time when he is not stressed and you have privacy and gently tell him your concern. You may get thru to him, you may not. As a committed couple, I'd hope you'd be able to reach a common agreement. I know my own spouse seems a bit afraid of our 17yo daughter and she can work him to get things she wants. So i don't think it is that unusual. If she is a teen especially, they can be like a live grenade and can blow at any time. He may feel like to keep peace, he has to give into her? Hopefully he can see it objectively.

Joni - posted on 02/27/2017

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This just started, him getting her whatever she wants, i'm not sure why all of a sudden he has started doing this.

Ev - posted on 02/27/2017

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You guys should have been talking about this long before moving into a house together.

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