BM is lying to my DSS

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Kate CP - posted on 08/09/2011

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Dude, this is bordering on custodial interference. Do you have any idea what you're doing to this boy?

How would you like it if someone kept telling you "Your mom is worthless, lazy, mean, doesn't love you, blah blah blah. But *I* love you. *I* am your mother."

This sounds like what abusive spouses do to their victims: isolate and break them down. They say "No one will love you like I do. You belong with me. No body understands our love."

So yea, keep it up if you want to create broken, psychotic kids. I hope the judge takes those kids from you and gives them to their mother.

Jodi - posted on 08/09/2011

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Well, is it any WONDER he doesn't want to be with his mum? Look at how you present her to him. Look at how you all treat her? Monkey see, monkey do. Start supporting him LOVING and CARING for his mother, and he will feel positively reinforced in his feelings for her. In the meantime, he feel he isn't ALLOWED to love his mother right now. I don't care how much you and your DH hate her. It is not your right to project this on to your step son.

Amy - posted on 08/09/2011

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She has every right to call his counselor she's his mother and she has a right to see how he's doing! If I were the judge I would think you're just trying to cause problems.

Jodi - posted on 08/09/2011

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And it sounds like your DH needs a good boot up the arse over this as well.

Jodi - posted on 08/09/2011

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Um, she's actually right. Sorry Jessie, but it's not up to your step son to ask these questions, that is between the adults to work out. If she calls just to talk to them about how their day is going, she is doing totally the right thing. I can't see the issue here.

"me and DH like him mad at her"

Ok, you are not going to like this, but why are you playing games with this kid in the middle? Grow up. This is not about you. This is about this kid. he does NOT need to know adult business, he does NOT need to know that you like him being mad at his mum (that's just wrong), and he should be able to just talk to his mum about how his day is. It doesn't matter whether you like her or not, she is HIS MOTHER, and he has a right to love her and have a good relationship with her.

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Amy - posted on 08/10/2011

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It sure is krista! It's a prime example why parenting classes should be mandated, she better hope bio mom doesn't find this thread she'll lose the kids for sure!

~Jennifer - posted on 08/10/2011

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Hostetler?

...so now you're a quarterback's wife instead of a wrestler's wife?
...you get aound, huh, Jesse / Chelsea.

*shakes head*
(at least this profile pic is a boy instead of 2 little girls, so, you got that part right)

~Jennifer - posted on 08/09/2011

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so, your DH is John Cena?



....lucky you.



......

(it was worth a shot though, wasn't it?)

Bri - posted on 08/09/2011

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Sounds like the BM is way better off especially if she is asking "hows your day!?" thatsa good mother!!!!!
Stop listening to their phone calls its supposed to be private. And no kids have choices to where there going to visit the BM or not, its mandatory.

Bri - posted on 08/09/2011

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Yeah no offense ( i hope this is okay to say) sounds like those poor kiddos need out of the home of all the brainwashing you're doing.

Jodi - posted on 08/09/2011

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LOL, she removed her post. But honestly Jessie, Kate is right, you could end up losing custody if you keep this up.

Skye - posted on 08/09/2011

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The way you handle this situation is your call and I'm sure that you are doing the best you can. I wanted to share with you that there has been a lot of research on the negative effects of parental conflict on children. One of the ways to minimize this impact is to not expose children to the animosity in the relationship. I know that it's really hard to hide how angry you are at his BM but most of the time it will help him to resolve his feelings on his own and help protect your relationship in the future. Hope that helps.

Jane - posted on 08/09/2011

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You and your DH could help this child at least like the fact that his BM wants to talk to him about his day. You both have a lot of control over how this poor kid reacts to his BM, and it doesn't help to teach him to hate or be rude to anyone. BM's may not always be the best parents, but anything they do that will help a child feel good about himself is to be encouraged.

Amy - posted on 08/09/2011

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"sounds like you guys understand thank you".....umm no I don't understand at all. Why would you bring up the past when he's going to see his counselor, that's his time to address what he wants not for you to make him angry so it's documented for court, seriously what is wrong with you guys?? It doesn't sound like either of you care about these children at all it's all about serving your own purpose which is to make bio mom angry!

Hollie - posted on 08/09/2011

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This child doesnt want to be with his BM or so he tells. i dont undestand she is calling just to iritate

Jodi - posted on 08/09/2011

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Does it not occur to either of you that this attitude is damaging the children?

Hollie - posted on 08/09/2011

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My DH is the one who telling the kids that their BM doesnt do a dang thing, tells them to be bad for her, i just have to witness it.

Melissa - posted on 08/09/2011

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Wow...just wow. As a mom, I feel very sorry for the BM, not you. You sound very immature and spiteful to me. It's totally understandable that the BM would want to ask how her son's day is going and not want to waste precious time talking to him about schedules, when she probably doesn't get to talk to him as much as she'd like. As a teacher, I'm concerned by your comment that you like it when he's mad at his BM. That is just sad. Grow up, please. It is NEVER good for a child to be mad at his parents--it damages the child. His anger is not good for him emotionally.

Jodi - posted on 08/09/2011

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Jessie, we're not talking about other parents, we're talking about YOU. You are the one that posted the question. It is wrong for other parents to do it too. What are you, 6? "But so-and so does this, so why can't I do it too?" Seriously......do you realise how very immature you sound? You are coming across as a total brat.

Hollie - posted on 08/09/2011

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i know im not the only one that doesnt stop a child from disliking their other parent. A lot of parents love for that child not to want their parent.

[deleted account]

Okay... I agree with the other ladies. I'm a custodial stepmom and I HATE my daughter's BM, but I would never, never, NEVER want my daughter to be mad at her BM! That's horrible! I would also say something to my daughter if she said something rude to her BM over the phone. There was a time when BM wouldn't answer her phone and wouldn't call back and once our daughter left a pretty mean message to her BM about the no-calls and after that we stopped letting her leave messages (she could still call, but no message was left) because it is not right for a child to talk rudely to an adult, NO MATTER WHAT.

Also, in most states it's illegal to record phone calls (even if both parties consent over the phone). Here's a good website to look up your state's laws on it: http://www.rcfp.org/taping/states.html

If your state says it's not allowed and you guys try to present tape recorded conversations in court, you WILL be charged and possibly arrested for it. It's a serious offense...

Hollie - posted on 08/09/2011

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before his scheduled counselor appointment i make sure he knows and remember all the stuf his mother does to him just so its jotted down.

Hollie - posted on 08/09/2011

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No I want the best for him. She isnt I make sure the kids call me mom too, she hates that , but im more ofa mother than she is

Hollie - posted on 08/09/2011

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he is a very smart 7 he knows about schedules, in fact, when BM asked him to make sure his siblings attend, DSS said no they dont have to go. its true , if a child doesnt want to go its because they simply dont want to.

Hollie - posted on 08/09/2011

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He's mad at her because she told him Im going to be calling your counselor about your behavior of treating him horrible by phone

Hollie - posted on 08/09/2011

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No she doesnt - court is coming up we need the protection or prove to the counselor how she gets DSS mad.

Amy - posted on 08/09/2011

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Me and DH like him mad at her because we know she's not a mother? I'm sorry but EACH of you should have the kids well being as being the most important. The mom wants to talk to her son about his day and be involved it sounds like. Does she know you're recording the conversations? If not you should probably let her know because it can be illegal to record a phone conversation unless they are aware of it.

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