Flora - posted on 05/27/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )
I recently came back and am on leave from my deployment for a couple weeks. And my 1-1/2 yr old is afraid of me for lack of a better word, and I'm afraid that we wont have ever have as close a relationship as my older and I will. Briefly, just want to describe the situation. So since she was 5 months old, I have been like a dead beat dad, that's how I have been describing it. In and out of her life, because at 5mths was when we really started training and going away for week long trainings and coming back. Although at those times when I would come back, she would stil be fine with me. Then at 9months I left and started my deployment, at that time I had no way to communicate, like skype or anything. So after 2-1/2mths I went home on leave for a few days before we went overseas. When I went home she was fine with me again, she knew who I was and still felt comfortable(maybe it was becasue she was still young enough not to really really understand). Since then within a 6mth period of time, I have been skying and calling (talking - somewhat) on the phone. At first she would never say anything when I would call, and then she started to "talk" a couple months ago. She finally had recognized me as mommy on skype after they kept pointing to me on the screen and saying that's mommy. When I came back a few days ago, she came to the airport to pick me up and when I grabbed her she started crying. She wanted to go back to my cousin, and since then I have tried to hold her, and she cries. When she sees that grandma is not there in the room and only sees me, she starts to cry or runs after grandma. She won't let me hold her, and if I try to she starts to cry. She calls me mommy and everytime she says it I answer her, but she doesn't understand the meaning. My older daughter will hug me or will hug her (the baby) and say that's mommy...But nothing seems to be helping. I am feeling really down (the rainy days are not helping) because i carried this child for 10mths and she wants nothing to do with me really. She has started to warm up to me, by handing me stuff. But if I talk to her, like if she does something she is not supposed to be doing, she will start crying and run to grandma(her grandmother takes care of her while I'm gone and while her dad is at work). I was fine with her rejection until when she hurt herself pretty bad and cried even more when I picked her up to comfort her. She went to daddy, and that really hurt my feelings. Because I am the mother, I should be the one comforting her. I have always comforted my older daughter, and like I was telling my older daughter that I feel bad because I have been trying to bnd with her but she cries everytime. But I also don't want to ignore her, because she is off by herself say if we are on the bed. She (baby) is talking to herself and me and my older daughter are hugged up, I don't want to ignore her but my older daughter constantly showers me with affection and it feels so nice!! I only have a couple of weeks and then I have to leave again for another 3mths because that is when my deployment ends. A friend of mine who is in the military said that her daughter was the same with her, because she had to leave the deployment early. She said she was the same way when she first got home, but that now they were inseperable. But her daughter is 3 or 4 and I think that it's a little different...Because she had several years to bond with her daugther before she left, and mine was only 9mths when I left. Has anyone been in this situation, or are there any child therapists among this circle of moms that could give me some advice? I could use all the advice that you all can give me. I would go see a professional that works with kids, but that would takes time to find someone. I don't have all that time. Thank you for listening!