bossyness

Lola - posted on 10/30/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

10

16

1

my 2 year old tells me to go away when im trying to get her to listen to me any advice would help me

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Cheryl - posted on 10/31/2009

6

4

0

We have all been there, so take heart and don't think you are a terrible Mom or have a nasty child because your child is telling you to go away or shouting at you. These little people are growing so fast - their language skills are exploding and they are trying to figure out how to express themselves. Their motor skills are still developing so sometimes their movements and gestures are exaggerated. Emotionally, well, we know they certainly don't think and feel and react like we do....they are constantly testing their surroundings - and that includes YOU! Keep a sense of humor and a sense of pride (after all, you helped create this beautiful child!) as well as a sense of gentle firmness and consistancy - I agree with quietly asking why she wants you to go away. That may get her to stop for a moment and think, which may redirect her activity. If she is able to tell you why, listen and then if she will allow it, give her a hug. It is important (and sometimes very hard) not to get impatient or even angry - they really can push our buttons - it's also important not to take a situation you are dealing with to "nuclear warfare" levels - no one wins when you are constantly threatening to spank, put her in a time out, or raising your voice...it's hard to be a Mom, but it's the best job you'll ever have and the most rewarding...so take a deep breath, keep your eye on the prize - a happy and healthy child - and enjoy your little girl, prickly moments and all...some day she will look at you and say "...wow, how did you ever put up with me" and then the two of you will laugh...that has been one of my joys as a Grandma...watching my daughter deal with the same kind of behavior that you are dealing with now and having her turn to me and ask if SHE behaved like that...so you see, like I said, we have all been there! We can do it...we are MOMS!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

15 Comments

View replies by

Cynthia - posted on 10/31/2009

1

0

0

Two years olds, I remember those days. The best thing for you and her is to remember who is the adult and who is 2. Sometimes as parents when our babies do things we think it's cute and sometimes it is, but if you have to laugh or smile, don't let them see you. Just be firm and let her know even is she pouts or cries, that mommy means business. She'll be fine. 2 is a tough age. Just wait until she turns 5. Good luck and many blessing to your precious one.

Maureen - posted on 10/31/2009

3

25

1

I agree with several Mommies on here, especially Zandria and Hannah - you have to remind her that you are in charge, you are the Mommy and she will need to listen to you. Two is not too young to understand that she cannot speak like that. Just remind yourself that you are preparing her for the real world - her teachers and future friends will not let her talk to them this way. Being a parent is hard work, but you must lay the ground work now.

Hannah - posted on 10/30/2009

475

2

29

You are letting her be the boss, you must be firm with her. You can not let her walk on you. She needs to trust you, in order to trust you she needs to respect you to respect you she needs concrete boundaries. To establish boundaries you have to be firm, calm, and assertive. If she sasses you you must firmly take hold of her look at her, and tell her to look at mama, and you say in your calmest most serious voice "you will behave well towards mama". Or however you want to say it. The action is important. And consistency, stop her every time she does it, do this every time. If she wont look at you or continues you have to have a discipline that happens every time. If that is spanking or time out or whatever. Be strong for her, she needs boundaries.

Kimberly - posted on 10/30/2009

52

44

0

Be firm and follow through. Show her you are the parent. A time out or some kind of consequence for talking back or not being respectful. I know its hard at first, but as soon as she figures out she can't get away with that kind of behavior she will stop. She wouldn't get away with it from a teacher at school, so teach her before it has to be "untaught". Good luck!

Tammie - posted on 10/30/2009

3

26

1

I think you need to be firm and consistent and tell her she doesn't talk to mommy that way and every time she does it do the same thing and maybe use a time out.And as Zandria says she does need to learn now that she needs to respect you and others as far as that goes. Just don't ignore it, try different things but just be firm and consistent is the key! Good luck!

[deleted account]

My son does the same thing and also tells me not to speak to him like that if he's getting into trouble or told no - he's learnt it from kindy where they are teaching the kids to use their words if their friends aren't being nice, which I agree with however its hard for a toddler to separate their friends behave to that of their parent so we are trying to teach him who's the boss!!

Sonia - posted on 10/30/2009

1

14

0

ask her why she is telling you to go away,go down to her levle and speak to her softly and calmley, try to cuddle her more and if she is still the same just be patient.

Shellie - posted on 10/30/2009

12

0

0

I would just not react to her. If she gets a reaction from you she'll know shes getting to you. You can't let your kids learn how to push your buttons or they'll do it all the time. Pretend you don't hear it and carry on as usual talking to her. She'll grow out of it.

Brandie - posted on 10/30/2009

4

10

0

Ask her why she wants you to go away. It will make her think for a minute. She may really want to tell you about it. I always used "that is rude and ugly" as a statement for that type of behavior, explaining that we do not have rude and ugly behavior in our family. And I continued on with whatever I was saying or doing. She is testing her power. At that age they realize they are their own person and try to see what they can get away with. My daughters favorite was "leave me alone, don't bother me". It was a interesting to hear her answers when I asked her "why?". Good luck.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/30/2009

126

10

4

I agree with Marcy. Just abruptly give her what she wants with a cool, unaffected expression. That will probably nip that pretty quickly. When she comes to you is the 'moment of opportunity' to explain that telling you to go away is hurtful and disrespectful.

However, Zandria is absolutely correct - teach her respect NOW, even at this young age. Don't let it slide or you're setting the path for some major future problems. That being said, I'd be careful about this advice because concepts like respect and whatnot may be hard for your daughter to grasp at this stage, and so punishment would cause even more problems. It's carefully using tactics to make your daughter consider things on her own, with explanations so she has the tools she needs to come to the conclusions you want her to that will win the day.

So just telling her to be respectful isn't the same thing as her figuring out that if she wants you there instead of away, she needs to moderate her own behavior.

JoLynn - posted on 10/30/2009

12

20

0

You could try telling her that "Mommy is talking and it is time to listen and that Mommy will go away when Mommy is done talking if you want to be left alone". Say whatever you have to say as succinctly as possible and then just walk away. She is just testing her power, independence, and vocabulary all at one time when she's doing this. If you do end up walking away, when she next comes to you you could tell her that it hurts your feelings when she doesn't listen to what you're telling her and also that it hurts your feelings even more when she tells you to go away.

Marcy - posted on 10/30/2009

1,042

1

277

I think at 2 its tough. My thing is to KIS (keep it simple). Whenever I don't like the way my son is behaving I tell him he is not being nice or fair. I walk away and he typically sulks for a few minutes and then comes to me and tells me he is sorry. What's great is that I have caught him saying the same thing to some of his friends when he doesn't like what they are doing.



My son went through the "go away" stage for a few months. I actually did just walk away and he would come running after me. it stopped him pretty quickly.



Good luck!

Zandria - posted on 10/30/2009

23

8

2

you need to remind your 2 year old that you are the mommy and that she is NOT to talk to you that way. It is very important that you teach her respect NOW. if she doesnt repect you she wont know how to respect herself. if she doesnt repect herself she will froe up to be a horrible person to you, others, and especially her self.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms