Boundaries as stepmom

Char - posted on 09/14/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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This is a new account but Ive been a member for about a year. I lost my password so I just made a new one. My old acct was MommaBird. some of you may remember.
My current need for advice is about boundaries, I am stepmom to twin girls who will be 2 this month. For the most part we have been able to coparent with bio mom without major issues, but we do have concerns that she has been ignoring. Concern #1 is twin A who has been diagnosed with major allergies for over a year. She has been sick, congested, and has breathing problems..mainly at night while sleeping. Bio mom assumes every time A is sick that its allergies and hasnt taken her to Dr in the last year. No allergy meds given besides over the counter, which does not help at all. I suggested getting her adenoids checked or at least taking her back to Dr to see if its more than allergies. She says she works 5-6 days a week and hasnt had time to take her. I offered to take her since Im a stay at home mom but she refuses to let us.
Concern #2 is that they are behind on their immunizations. They havent had shots since 6 or 8 mths old. They will be 2 this month. Same as with Dr appts, she says she didnt have time to take them because of work. I offered to take them for shots also, she just puts it off by saying "I will make an appt soon"....but never does. We dont even have a copy of their shot records.
So my question is...Would I be overstepping my boundary if I just get my husbands approval to make the appts and take them myself? Or Should I let the two of them worry about it and stay out of it? (We have the twins two nights during the week and every other weekend, and he pays child support, not ordered by court, just agreement between them)

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Char - posted on 09/15/2015

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Thank you both for your input. I have asked him to talk to her one more time about making apps and he said he will let her know we understand she works alto so I dont mind at all taking them. He thinks she is afraid it will look bad that I took them for important apps cause she doesnt have time to. We get the girls again wed night so were planning on talking to her about it and make sure she knows we only want to help and I never intend to step on her toes. I consider myself a bonus parent cause I love them as much as they do but i always keep respect for their position too. I even thought about asking if she would like for me to just go with her to the appts...maybe its too much for her taking 2 toddlers somewhere by herself. Its a little stressful when two babies are fussy or crying and you need another set of hands to console and hold.

MaryAnn - posted on 09/14/2015

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If there is no CO, its best to have your husband make the appointment, or ask you to make the appointment, and have her aware of when and where it is. If you're the only available adult, go with them and take notes to be passed on to her. So long as she is made aware of their health and the fact that they had an appointment, is given the opportunity to participate, it shouldnt matter who took them.

Jasmine - posted on 09/14/2015

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I suggest just ask your husband. Technically you are a care-taker too and that breathing problem especially needs to be checked out, and if the mom doesn't seem to be doing it you have to take care of it yourself (with your husband of course). Their health is more important. Plus I don't believe you'd be overstepping seeing as the mom isn't doing it and you are under legal rights a care-taker of the kids. This is just my opinion but you can do whatever you feel is right.

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