Boy(15) from europe wants mums advice

Adrie Van - posted on 01/23/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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that's what I wrote yesterday.
So I am not a mom, I am a boy.
with permisssion of my parents i try to figure things out.
So:I still occasionly get a spanking, and I felt so embrassed sent to bed immidatly sfter that spanking ffor one hour! abuse?punishment okay?humiliating? Please mums adviced me.

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Adrie Van - posted on 01/25/2014

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dear miss lively,
I want t thank you for the compliments in the advice's. So that you found me polite and so on.Thanks. Thanks for that saying.And I thought you said too, i am soing it well.I think one of your teens wouls not be feel so young.I can;t explain that,I feel myself, i don't know,sometomes like Ron (brother)
Is translation in germany posssible.I do my best to translate.Bit I also miss things.
But it is okay, Fantastic,I came on mum's advice, because I thougth that CP, is still populair in the usa.My folks (great), couls use the trnslation, They don't speak english, It is my favarate language,
Bye
tanks

Adrie Van - posted on 01/25/2014

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Dear miss Lively,
Thanks for youé reply! MAYBE i LOOK A BIT ON YOU;E OLDEST? i AM REALLY SO SHY TO Talk about such a thing as underwear.I donn;t know why!My mom always buy perfect underwear,.I don't know why I am too shy too talk openly over that **I wish I could y talk with my parents and my mom as I speak now to you!That would be Great!.My parents are at the moment proud on me.Because I am tryimh to figure things out.I don't know what that menas; I don't know what it means that mom and dad are proud on me that I, after a painful incident am bussy, to understand, and ccange!
I wish I could opemly talking with my mom, about something that sorrows me,But i am too shy, I am not happy with my body Feel ashamed! Teen with his mom?
I wish I could,
Are your sons open too their mom???
bye

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/24/2014

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Adrie, I'm very glad you and your parents have a good relationship, and that they are willing to let you delve for answers and advice from others. In that regard, if your mother would also like to PM me, I'd me more than happy to chat with her as well!

If you'd like to use my answers to help you speak with them about anything, please feel free. If it would help, I can try to translate into your language with the help of a translator program. My son tells me that it's not very effective when I use it for German, though, so I'm not sure it would work.

When my kids were your age, I encouraged them to be open with me. As I said, my oldest was painfully shy, and very modest, so he actually asked his dad to ask me to purchase different underwear. But, you can also print off our conversations and show them to your parents if that would be easier for you.

When I punished my kids as teens, I did it by restricting privileges. Television, computer time, gaming, and access to cell phones. More effective than spanking, plus both of my kids are A LOT bigger than I am, so really it would have been a joke to even try.

Plus, I can't think of anyone who still spanks at the teenage level. Not personally, anyway. There will always be someone somewhere who does, though. It's "technically" legal in the US, but not really a totally acceptable practice. It's a pretty big debate, actually!

Give my best to your folks! From what I can see, so far, they've done a great job in raising you! You are polite, well spoken, and very easy to understand, even if you think that you aren't very fluent in English.

Adrie Van - posted on 01/24/2014

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Dear miss lizely
Thanks for your're answer.
You know that I talks with my parents about the advices?It helps me to try to talk with them.
It will help me to shop with my mother and buy together underwear I like?
I will be honest;you said as mother I deserved a punishment, How should you punish me?
I came on mom's advice because i and my folks thought that spanking teens in the usa is still given.
thanks
(also my folks)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/24/2014

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My kids are fairly open with me, but my oldest is very modest. The whole underwear question was pretty painful for him to ask, but he managed without dying of total embarrassment, I promise. Talk to your mom. She'll understand.

And, no, I didn't say that the spanking was necessarily appropriate, given your age and the laws in your country.

But, I did say I could understand your parents' disappointment, and how that could have led them to make the decision that you needed a punishment that would maybe shock or bother you.

So, yes, you deserved SOME punishment. Do I think that a spanking was it? No, I don't.

And, as I said, just make sure that you don't repeat the smoking...at least until you've reached the age of emancipation in your country.

Adrie Van - posted on 01/24/2014

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dear miss Lively?
I read your reaction with mixed emotions. Indeed I am to shy, and deep inside I want to talk with my mom about things like underwear and piyamas(do your sons wear still pyamas?
Do you think mom will like that?Maybe i can ask too shop together/
I was unhappy surprised to read that as long it is effectiver, in my case,a spanking is okay?As I wrote repeat the misstep?Sometimes I feeel so small as I told you;I dserved it!Or is that foolish for a teen?
bye

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/24/2014

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All boys are shy about what we would call "intimate" items. Underwear is one of them. Your mom will likely be proud that you are talking with her, and asking her to consider something different for you.

I don't think you sound childish, Adrie, I think you're a 15 year old who's trying to figure things out. That is an excellent quality to have. I know you love your parents, and that you don't want to complain. Every kid complains about their parents. I think it's pretty common. I also think that pretty much every kid knows, just as you do, that their parents do love them.

I can't say I'd have spanked you for smoking pot, but I would have been extremely disappointed, and you'd have had privileges pulled, as well as been restricted to the house. So, as long as you learned a lesson from that whole thing, I would have to say that was your parents' entire point.

Adrie Van - posted on 01/24/2014

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Dear miss Lively,
Thank you very much for you're answer.
Yes I have a very good relationsship with my parents.Yes they were shockd.. and disapponted!(it was not the first time).that's the reason for the spanking,I recently got.
I think,maybe idiot,it was deserved.Or not?i think because of the disappointed in me.It is too occassionly to complain.I love them,.
Maybe I am too closed.
Sound childish;After that punishment I was afraid they don't love me anymore!!but thet do!
I am too young to buy clothes by myself, I can't..I must learn to talk witn my mom about underwear.I am a bit shy,(about that)
Is it all right I talked with mom and dad about your advice?
I came on mums advice because I thought that CP in your country is normal
Bye
and thanks

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/24/2014

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Ok, so, if spanking is by law forbidden, then your parents need to stop.

But you did say that it had been over 2 years prior to this most recent incident. So, I'd have to say it was a reaction to your actions. They were shocked that you had used pot.

Sounds to me like you have a very good relationship with your parents!

So, please stop smoking pot until you're older. It can cause damage in younger people. Other than that, keep communication open with your parents;-)

Yes, I have a 20 year old guy and a 16 year old. I understand the aversion to white briefs...LOL...my guys wear boxers as well. Let your parents know that it's common in your age group to switch styles. Or, ask if you can start purchasing some of your own clothing to suit your tastes. Within reason, of course...

Adrie Van - posted on 01/24/2014

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dear miss Lively,
In my country, netherlands,spankikng is bt law firbidden.My ebglish is good, n but I don't understood your answer c ompletely, but thanks for your reply..
I (and my mom and dad too),think I am too old for a spanking.Between the last one,and the physical punishment ,before. is more than 2 , 2 1/2 years.
My parents take always time to talk,and sactions are time outs,couple of days no internet.Grounding too.But I can always talk.
They were furious about lying, and my big mouth about new underwear,and they found out I smoked a bit pot.
That ended in an over the knee spanking.
Miss, you re a mom of a teenager like me?I mean How can mom buy white briefs!i think non of your children accept that!They wear boxers.!!
I got lovely parents,
Thanks for your answer,
(I don't want to complain about mom and dad)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/23/2014

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Honestly, at 15, physical discipline seems extreme to me, but not knowing exactly how the cultural thing works in your area of Europe, I'm hesitant to criticize another parent.

Have you tried speaking with your folks to address discipline modes, and whether or not something else would be more age appropriate? When my boys were your age, punishments were restriction to house, and confiscation of electronics and phones. But, as I said, I'm in the US, and I'm a different parent.

Try to explain to your folks that their method of discipline is not necessarily accomplishing what they want it to (remorse for actions, etc) and see if something else can be a compromise.

BUT...and this is a big BUT...You also have to realize that, as a teenager, your thought processes are not always complete, and you need to make an effort to change behaviour that has gotten you in trouble before! If you don't do anything to warrant a spanking, then you won't have anything to worry about.

No, I don't necessarily term this "abuse", because spanking is considered an acceptable form of discipline in most places.

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