Boyfriend has 2 kids, how do i or can i cope?

Becci - posted on 09/18/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am 20 years old, my boyfriend is 32, he has 2 kids aged 9 & 12. We have been together for 2 years and lived together for 1 so surely i should be okay with the boys by now?? Their mum is awful and takes the mick quite alot of the time with my boyfriend. I feel like she and him had everything and that everything i want just not yet. I dont like when the kids are here because he spends all the time with them and i just get left on my own. Im feeling so many emotions i cant make sense of them, im crying and making myself ill over it. I love my boyfriend and want my future with him but how do i cope? Or can i? Its so hard and no one understands thats close to me:( please help me.


[deleted account]

How often are the boys with their dad?
If he only gets them on the weekends, then of course he is going to give them all of his time and attention for those two days--you get the other 5 days.

That said if he has them 50/50 with their mom, I can see how you would feel neglected. Plan some "family" activities that all 4 of you can do together so that you can be a part of his time with his kids. Putt putt, hiking, rafting, biking, strolling though a park, etc. are great family activities that can get all of you out of the house and bonding. Also, try a board game night once a week--I know it sounds cheesy, but you'll be amazed how into it everyone gets, and how easily conversation will start to flow.

If you want to stay with this man, you have to accept that he has children, and children will ALWAYS be a bigger part of his life than you will ever be. They will always come first in his priorities, you will be right behind them. When you have a child of your own, you will understand--your child will be first to you, and he will come right behind your baby. I am not saying that he loves his children more than he loves you, or that you will love your child more than you love him--the love is equal, but the responsibility gets swapped. I hope that makes sense, I don't really know how to explain it....

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