Boyfriend isn't taking pregnancy so well.

Brittany - posted on 06/17/2013 ( 27 moms have responded )

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For starters I'm 20 I just recently found out I was pregnant and told my bf. He wants a abortion and his reasoning for that is "we're young and not ready, plus my career is demanding (idk he's a cop) I told him I wasn't getting a abortion and if that's a problem he can just break up with me. He told me he doesn't want to break up but he's totally miserable every time the subject comes up and how this is going to mess our lives up. hes been more distant too and hasnt told anybody about this. My question is, is he going to be like this the whole pregnancy? Maybe he's just scared? It's very stressful on me..

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Rivka - posted on 06/19/2013

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I'm a Mom of 8. I am married to my best friend.
We got married at the age 22 after dating for 4 years.
I studied Nursing with a Bachelor's degree in Sociology and Psychology while giving birth to three of my oldest children. When I had to learn pediatric Intensive care I gave birth to my Fifth child.
Now I'm back at school to learn for a teachers degree in Special Education.
My two little ones are two and three.
I run two businesses.
The important thing to keep in mind is that children do not ruin lives.
Your life is what you make of it.
It is not easy to learn work and build a career.
One must have a network of friends and Family to help deal with the changes that life has coming at us.
Children are a wonderful gift full of life. (I'm speaking from the vantage point of a mom to children with issues - learning disabilities, ADHD, PDD, Downs syndrome - we took him from the hospital after his mom left him there)
Life is not easy but has many good thing along the way.
If you love each other take this as a blessing that your life together is a serious adventure that should be taken with a partner.
Good luck, Rivka

Patience3713 - posted on 06/20/2013

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I was told a man becomes a father when he sees his child. I dont know what to believe anymore. Its up to you to have your child, in the end its your decision to make. I know the feeling except my child's father didn't stick around. I told him i was pregnant and he ran as fast as he could. My child is almost a year and i have tried calling him since the birth of the child and he will never answer. I still believe i made the best decision by having my son even if it cost me my relationship with him. The good thing is that he is still around so he may come around. Good luck!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/17/2013

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Whoa there....take a step back. You BOTH had sex. This is not solely "your fault". That is ALWAYS a chance when having sex, even with protection. STOP taking the blame. The man put his dick in you and ejaculated. This is HIS responsibility also. PERIOD.

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Brittany - posted on 06/20/2013

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Glad to hear Jasmine. Is there anything you did to help re assure him it was going to be okay or did you just give him his space and he came to his senses?

Jasmine - posted on 06/20/2013

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hi brittany. when i first told my boyfriend he was a little distant too but after a while he got used to the idea. so it shouldnt be like that.

Rivka - posted on 06/19/2013

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I read all the responses. I come from a community that does not promote sex before marriage. The moment there is sex in a relationship most probably the children will be coming along no matter the precautions.
For us to date 4 years was very hard on our parents. My mother in law today had called my Mom to tell her to expect grandchildren before there is a marriage. My mom told her "I Trust my daughter, don't you trust your son?".
My boy friend before my DH, was Indian (from India). kept on telling me how much he loved me and wanted to take care of me (as if I can't take care of myself...). He was sooo sexie. But one day he told me he will not keep in touch during the semester at the university - I alway fall for the smart cute guys - because I'm a distraction to him.
I told him not to bother getting in touch with me ever again!!!!
If we are together we are together for everything. I was heartbroken.
Well thank g-d I found my DH. He is a better choice.

Annie - posted on 06/19/2013

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I don't want to say all men get like this. But definitely give him a little space and then sit down and talk to him. My daughters father in fact ran off got in his car and moved back in with his mother. After our daughter was born he came to visit her and spent 30 mins at our house. You could tell he was scared. Then when my daughter was 1 years old and it was her first fathers day. I showed up on his door with our daughter, handed her over to him and said Happy Fathers Day. Ever since then, he has been in her life and has never stopped. Whenever she has needed him he has dropped everything to come to her side. Financially and mentally. An Awesome father. Men just get scared especially if their younger than 30 and have no kids. You got to realize Not only having a child just forced both of you to quit the "going out whenever we want" life for a little bit. That is unless you have great line of Babysitters. But a Child is Forever. Even after your gone, your child learns from everything you still taught them and will pass it on to their children. Your life has changed and so has his. He is scared, Like I said give him a little space and then talk to him. Invite him to the Sonogram. Get him involved lightly at first and NEVER force him. Let him make it his decision. And in the end if he leaves both of you. You're stronger for it and your child(ren) will have MAD respect for you.

Brandi - posted on 06/19/2013

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I think your bf will come around :) Men need more time to accept everything more than women do because we get the initial bond while growing them for 40 weeks, they don't...but usually the first sonogram and hearing the heart beat it gets them smiling lol

Brandi - posted on 06/19/2013

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It's quite alright! My oldest daughter is gonna be 8 in November and despite having cerebral palsy and 3 heart surgeries she is walking and got her feeding tube taken out! My younger daughter is 6 and now I am expecting my first boy in Sept/Oct. I am worried about my fiance, he seems to be more worried about his son he already has more than the one we have coming. (he isn't the father of my girls)

Brittany - posted on 06/19/2013

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I'm so sorry to hear that. :( def a strong lady you are having to deal with all that! I really appreciate the comments. He said he's sticking around and will support the baby but with the way he's acting I feel like yes he'll be there but I also feel like he's not going to be happy about it. Financially it may be hard but between both our families if we were to ever need help I know they would be there.

Brandi - posted on 06/19/2013

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I think he's just scared, and in shock. He really needs to sit down and talk to you about it. You both need to decide if you should keep the baby, or if he doesn't want anything to do with the baby. Maybe seeing the first sonogram might help him....Talk to him about finances, that everything will be alright with his job and it's not really bad as it sounds. I had my first daughter at age 17, the father died in a car accident before I had her, then after I had her found out she had heart problems and cerebral palsy. I stuck by her side threw 3 heart surgeries, with out her father there and I made it.....it is possible to raise a baby at age 20.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/18/2013

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Well by his comment, he has no intentions of having a kid next year either.

Brittany - posted on 06/18/2013

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ugh if i have a little guy, ill raise him better then this! lol
and no he was being so serious about waiting till next year...apparently for insurance reasons you have to be 21 before you can get a squad car and patrol the streets so for now hes working insiide a jail...well near the time he turns 21 and be able to start training for that the baby will be here and hes like "i wont have time for training if i have this kid, so why cant we just have a kid nexxt year"
sorry to hear about your friend! those same thoughts crossed my mind about maybe not being able to concieve again.
we talked about it last night and he made the comment "if we dont take care of this now its going to be to late and then were going to be screwed for the rest of our lives" soooooo as hormonal as I am I went off on him and he did appoligize saying " i wasnt trying to be rude im just very scared because were just kids ourself" ughhhhh!!!!!!! men any age are stupid.

Luludi - posted on 06/18/2013

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Oh my..., the fact is that I've met many men (at 20, 30, 40) who behave and talk like that! That reminds me also of why I wished to have another girl rather than having to raise a little man ;-)
And what about his being ready next year but not now? Is he kidding you or does he really mean to kill this little creature and make you undergo the terrible experience of an undesired abortion for a matter of few months? And what if mother nature decided for no baby next year or even never again (this happened to a friend of mine after an abortion)?
However, talk about it once and for all and then avoid his presence if it gives you anxiety and depression. Your baby surely deserves better. Remember they feel what you feel, so try to be positive and serene, don't allow him to drag you down and to make your baby feel less than welcome and loved.
PS I absolutely liked and agree with Little Miss's posts!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/17/2013

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EXACTLY! He wants to have the fun, but none of the responsibility. He is a typical 20 year old boy. If he does not want a baby, he should abstain. Keep your dick in your pants, and no baby.

Brittany - posted on 06/17/2013

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i def will havve to show him this post! but i totally agree with you..IT WILL BE NEXT YEAR when the baby comes. well im glad im not the only heated one! im literally so stressed about this and it puts like a knot in my stomach just having to think about it. AND TO TOP IT OFF he keeps trying to sleep with me so if it was that much of a issue and bothered him so much why do the one thing that got us into this situation in the first place???!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/17/2013

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And one more thing (I don't know why but this whole situation for you really has me heated) if he makes you feel like you cannot talk about it, how fair is that for YOU?!?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/17/2013

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Your job is NOT to ease HIS mind about the pregnancy. His job is to do that. You are the one carrying the child, having to take extra care of yourself, and the one that will have to deliver the baby. The more you avoid talking about it, the more he gets to feel like it isn't his fault, or his problem.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/17/2013

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No you should NOT avoid the subject. It is a reality. And if he says he will be ready for a baby next year (total cop out btw) it literally WILL be next year when the baby arrives. he is being a total dick. Let him read all my words. That way he can see that other mothers think he is a fool. If he is unwilling to even talk about it, leave his sorry ass.

Brittany - posted on 06/17/2013

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yea you tell him all that! lol he is being very immature about the situation...he keeps asking me if I want to go scuba diving or doing things pregnant women cant do and im just like "really -.-" i will give him probs he did say it was just as much his fault, but then again he thinks we can just go get a abortion and everything will be fine and also said hed be ready for a kid next year but not right now. so your saying ii shouldnt avoid the subject? because I do, ..i know its hard for him so I try not to talk about it. I just wish there was something I could do to ease his mind.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/17/2013

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He is being extremely immature. Him crying about it will not make it go away magically. Soon you will be showing, and it will be staring him in the face every day, and when the baby is born, it cannot be ignored. He needs to suck it up and grow up while taking care of his responsibilities and actions. You taking the blame is also mothering him. You say he is a momma's boy....well don't treat him like his momma. You are his girlfriend and soon to be mother of his child. Either you can be a mother to 2 babies, or he can grow the hell up. Stop enabling him by avoiding the topic, and taking the "blame".

Brittany - posted on 06/17/2013

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I'm guna keep it regardless, it's bad timing but I made the mistake so I'm stepping up and taking responsibility. And yes he's like my best friend. He's still a sweetheart to me it's just every time "baby talk" comes up he gets all "depressed"

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/17/2013

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So what are you going to do? Are you in love with each other?

Brittany - posted on 06/17/2013

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I've only been with him for six months so not long. I didn't expect him to be happy about the news, his major issue is telling his mom..he's a big mamas boy. He's 20 as well.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/17/2013

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Unfortunately it is likely for him to continue this behavior. Not only that, but if he is acting like this now, chances are things will not get much better once the baby is born. how long have you been with him? How old is he?

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