Boyfriend moving in

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2017 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Hi would really appreciate some advice - my boyfriend of 7 years is wanting to move in with me and my 3 children it's all I've ever wanted but my eldest daughter isn't happy about it . About 2 years ago we moved house and we were meant to live together then but my daughter all of a sudden took a dislike to my boyfriend and even went as far as making accusations against him which got social services involved and it all got dropped because it wasn't true . My boyfriend comes to stay 2 nights a week and they never speak avoid each other all the time - occasionally they will say the odd word. It never use to be like this they used to get on so well . My daughters dad and I have been separated since she was a baby and we are divorced for years now . She doesn't seem to mind what her dad does who is in to his 3 rd marriage since we broke up but seems to have a problem with what I want . Nothing would change with my daughter and I things would just stay the same there would just be another adult in the house . I would really appreciate any help and advice thank you so much

12 Comments

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Julie - posted on 09/11/2017

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I have to say- I don't know how you made it 7 years without moving in together already. I have 3 kids and have been together with my boyfriend for a year and wish we could move in together and start a life as a real couple. But maybe your daughter is worried how things will change and not having any time for her once the boyfriend moves in....

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2017

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I agree with Sarah, you need to let her know what is happening and if she wants to be respected and treated like the young adult she is then she needs to be able to back up her dislike for him with valid reasons.
You sit down with her and don't let her leave until she has talked to you about it. You are the parent, she is still a child.

Sarah - posted on 09/10/2017

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The things is she does have to entertain the idea; she can either act like an adult and explain her reasons, or she can suck it up and cope. If she refuses to answer, then let her know you will assume there is no reason and he will be moving in.

Sarah - posted on 09/10/2017

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Hi thanks for your advice . She is just refusing to talk to me about it altogether just won't entertain the idea . So confused don't know what to do.

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2017

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You really need to ask her why she is trying to stop him moving in.
Don't just accept a "nothing" answer. Tell her there has to be a reason and you need to hear it. Ask her why you aren't allowed to be happy.
She still a child and she doesn't pay the bills for the house so she doesn't get to dictate what happens. Yes, she's 16 and wanting to try and grow up too fast but she's not capable of looking after herself.
Since the last time she realizes that she can get what she wants. You need to make it clear to her that it's not going to happen again.
You have every right to be happy and not have your life dictated by a 16yo.

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2017

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I have tried to talk she is just not interested she has said she will move out if he moves in - she is 16 . I don't think she understands that I'm not just a Mam yes I'm her Mam and always will be but I do have to have a life of my own aswell

Ev - posted on 09/09/2017

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You definitely need to talk to her. Try some family counseling where a third party that is not biased to either of you will listen and help you to cope with things. There has to be something about the situation she does not like but she has to learn that you have a life to live too.

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2017

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He has tried and they do speak but only on the odd occasion he does everything for all my kids and is more like a dad to them than their own dad - I want him to move in I'm just confused as to what to do .

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2017

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Hi thank you for your reply . I have asked her what she has against him and says nothing .

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