Boyfriend's ex coming into my home whenever she want while dropping off/picking up child for visitation.

Sara - posted on 10/07/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am looking for opinions on whether or not my feelings on the following situation are unreasonable or not. I am currently in a relationship with a man who has 3 boys (with 3 different women..yeah, I know, not a good sign) and he lived in my house. He gets the boys for visitation on weekends. The oldest (12) comes over nearly every weekend, the middle (7) comes over whenever he wants which is rather infrequent, and the youngest (5) comes over whenever his mother lets him (which isn't too often). I knew when I let my boyrifrend move in that I would have to deal with the baby mama's to a certain extent and accepted that. I even opened up my home for them to take a look at where their children would be spending the weekends (understandin I would require the same if my daughter were sleeping at her father's home). But I felt that one time in my house was enough for them. The mother of the youngest seems to feel that she is entitled to come into my home whenever she feels like it when dropping off or picking up her son. I have told my boyfriend that I felt it unnecessary unless she was concerned with something (which she is not) and my boyfriend feels that I am being unreasonable and that it is not a big deal for her to come in whenever she pleases. What do you all think? Should she be allowed to come in or should drop off/pick up occur at the door/car/outside of my home? Thank you in advance for your input.

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Lorie - posted on 01/25/2014

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i have a boyfriend and he has three girls from another women. i feel the same way u do. my bf ex has seen where her kids r staying and feels safe with our home. she is no longer allowed in my home. i feel like it isnt unresonable that u dont want ur boyfriends ex in ur home. no one that hasnot been in ur situation can not really give any proper advice. the comment above makes it sound like the dad dont now whats good for his child and whats safe for them. the ex should wait in the car while the dad gets the kids ready and send them outside. it isnt unreasonable for the parent to step inside from dropping off or picking up a child if the child was at a babysitter or day care but thats not the case. the kids are with the dad who is the other parent.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/07/2013

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I guess I look at it this way: When you have your kid at daycare, or a sitter, do you expect to be able to step inside to pick her up? Or do you expect her to be dressed and ready waiting on the doorstep?

I don't think it's unreasonable that a parent step inside when picking up or dropping off a kid.

Now, if she's letting herself in, waltzing around your house, acting like she owns the place, that would be different. But, as you describe it, she's picking up or dropping off her kid. I'd be a bit suspicious if I were told "wait on the curb, I'll bring the kid to you"...

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Stacey - posted on 08/20/2017

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I live my boyfriend and his 18 year old daughter. His ex comes over about 3 times a week to see her daughter but stays at the house for around 6hrs sometimes even cooking is this normal because I am finding it weird and uncomfortable. She has never lived in the house and she has her own place which is about a 30 minute drive away.

Linda - posted on 08/12/2014

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I made an unexpected visit home and to my surprise my boyfriends X-wife was in the house WITHOUT either of us at home. She drives 45 min to pick up her kids (TEENS 13 &14) Her repose to me, as she's exiting our house. (The kids needed to use the bathroom). OH! I said. It took me a minute, because I was shock to find her in my home without either one of us home. Her kid is 8 the other two are in diapers; she unhooked two infants from car seats to walk an 8yr old in to use the restroom?
In the past when I am home she just sends the kid in and she waits in the car with the infants. I expressed my concerned to the boyfriend and he defends her. His words! They are her kids; she can come in if she wants it’s her kid’s house. I truly don’t mind her and the kids coming in but when we are home. I feel my privacy is being violated when she has free roam of the house. Its weird and I don’t like it. Her kids are TEENS I see no reason or need for her to be up in our house roaming around. HELLO! I have one word for you! INCONSIDERATE……………….

Denikka - posted on 01/26/2014

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If the parents are on good terms, I would have no issue with the one coming into the mudroom/entrance way of the house. If she's just wandering in and sitting down at my kitchen table, that might be another story, no matter how well the parents get along.
I know for me, in any kind of pick up situation (custodial, baby sitting, visiting, etc), I would probably expect to be let into the house. I would never go beyond the entrance way unless specifically invited to, but I would be a bit suspicious and uncomfortable with going up to the door to ring/knock and then being forced to go back to my car to wait.

Dropping off, I would see no reason to go inside if I was the one doing the dropping off. Hug and kiss at the door, No different than dropping a kid off to a well known friend or babysitter.

Michelle - posted on 01/25/2014

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The OP hasn't said anything about the attitude of the children's Mother so I wasn't referring to that situation.
I guess most adults can get past the school yard attitudes when it comes to the children but some can't.

Lorie - posted on 01/25/2014

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first why would the kid bring a bag the father should already have clothes there. second not everybody feels the same way as u do Michelle. thats cool u and ur ex r comfortable with each other but wait intel u get a boyfriend and things will change. and as for me its hard to respect someone when all they have done was screw me over when me and my bf tried to be nice. not all ex r as nice as urs. it just happens my bf ex is really mean and not cause of me. i am a naturally nice person. so i wish all the moms that have to deal with ex good luck in hopes they dont have to deal with the drama that me and my bf had to deal with. if ur bf ex is nice then be greatful. ps has anybody had to deal with a ex that just dont like you and rude to u no matter how nice u r. i bet there r a lot of people who go through that

Michelle - posted on 01/25/2014

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When my ex and I do drop off and pick ups we go inside each others house. I think it's rude to make her say her goodbyes at the door.
You have allowed your boyfriend to move in so you need to expect that the Mother of a 5yo will want to come in and put his bag in his room or pick up his bag when they leave.

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