Boyfriend unsure he wants to step parent my kid

Friday - posted on 12/28/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




Help. I have been going out with a man for a year and a half (both in our forties). He has 2 teen boys and I have a 7 year old boy. The relationship has been amazing (we are both very healthy people) right up until the subject of long term and parenting my son came up.

He felt unsure that he wanted to be a father to my son (real dad out of picture), Needless to say, this has caused a break up (over the last 8 weeks we have been breaking up and we just rekindled last night). But we are both under an enourmous amount of stress and anxiety because of the unresolved question "will he ever be ready to parent my kid."

We decided that we are going to take some time for him to develop a relationship with my son and see where this can head. But this is SO STRESSFUL.

If he loved me so much...then why is my son an issue AT ALL? I keep going back to this question.

There is so much shame now...all his friends/family (and mine), know about the break up on this "dealbreaker" issue...

I am torn. Do I stay and work through this with him and see how it develops? Or do I cut my loses and move on?
Will this help our relationship grow?

Although we are so into one another...this has caused a big stress in our relationship.

We are at the point we can't function without one another...and if we are together, we are stressed out...
Just got back together last night....


User - posted on 12/28/2013




Hi, I'm a 38 yo single mom and I have had this issue in past relationships as well. For me, the best thing was just to move on. If a man isn't ok with my kids, or he has to really work with himself to be able to have a relationship ( any kind) with them, it's just not gonna work. For one thing, the kids pick up on it and it becomes stressful to them and the other is I could never get past the fact that a man that's supposed to love me would have a hard time even trying to form some type of relationship with my children. He doesn't have to be the "father" so to speak, but I feel my partner should be willing to have some type of friendship/relationship with my kids. I mean, our friends can manage to do this with our children so why can't he? Anyway, that has just been my experience (over and over lol) and of course I would never tell any one what to do but I hope it helps.....btw, you CAN function without this man believe it or not : )

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms