Boyfriend upset that I refuse to sleep with his kids. Advice please?!9

Vicky - posted on 12/06/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hello all.
I'm a 30 year old mom of a wonderful 3 year old boy. My sons father disappeared when I was pregnant never to be heard from again.
In January I met a wonderful man and father of three great kids ( 7 yr old girl, 9 yr old boy & 11 year old boy).
We introduced the kids in spring and moved in together in July.
My dilemma is this. My boyfriend often bring his children to bed with us. I feel very uncomfortable with this so I go sleep in another room. I have no problem with him sleeping with his children and I herald him for being such a devoted father. But I have never slept with my son and for many reasons don't feel comfortable sleeping with his. My problem is he gets upset when I go to another bed/couch. It has caused arguments and animosity. I've made it clear that I'm not asking him to stop sleeping with his children, just that he respects my choice not to. But I find myself repeating myself and having the same fight.
Also we once babysat his friends 8 year old daughter and to my dismay he carried her into our bed. I was mortified and left promptly. I really don't think it's appropriate for him to be sleeping with his friends 8 year old daughter, especially since he hasn't cleared this with her mom. When I brought this up to him he be and upset and made me feel terrible for suggesting this.
Am I wrong? He is a wonderful man but this is eating away at me.
Please help.

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[deleted account]

That would certainly be a concern of mine too. The only thing I can think of is to talk with a professional about...other than that I don't know how to handle a situation like this.

Vicky - posted on 12/06/2013

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Because they've always slept together and so the kids now want to sleep in our bed. He wants me to sleep with them too because he wants us to be a happy family all snuggled up together. But the reality is, as much as I love the kids, I am not their mom. They have a mom who I'm sure would be mortified at the though of her kids sleeping with us. My concern is he wants it more for himself than the kids. Ugh.

Vicky - posted on 12/06/2013

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Thanks so much Bre Ann! I said those exact words too. If a child has a nightmare, they should be comforted by sleeping with a parent. I so appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post. :)

[deleted account]

I don't think you're wrong at all. I believe it is one thing to allow your children to sleep in bed with you during certain circumstances (nightmare, sick, etc.) but you should always put them back into their own bed. And as for bringing someone else's child into your bed, that is something he should NOT be doing! I don't know how I can possibly help you but this is not an okay situation to be in.

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