Boyfriend want a baby

S - posted on 01/24/2015 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend has said since the start that he will never marry, he has never been married, he has a child with his ex gf. He said he wants a baby with me, we live together but I don't know if we should have a baby if he can't commit to a marriage proposal. Confused as to what to do.

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Sarah - posted on 01/25/2015

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A good indicator of future behavior is past behavior. If he dumped a baby mama in the past, he will do it again. Not being married just makes it easier.

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Nicole - posted on 01/27/2015

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Don't you dare have a child with a man like that. he's trying to keep you tied up with him if you do end with him. he like to multiply but does not want to commit. it will leave you damaged don't.

Sarah - posted on 01/27/2015

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If he has told you he does not want to marry then you have your answer and there is nothing confusing about that. He wants to date without the commitment. .....period. He has told you right there and then that he will be with you until it gets old or hard or whatever and then he will move on. You have to decide if this is something you want. Do you want to date a guy for however long and then when it gets old or boring have it end? Or do you want to date a guy that wants to find the person he wants to be with for the rest of your lives? If you want the later then he is not the guy and he has been straight forward with you about that. As for having a baby I would not be having a baby with a guy that says he does not want to stick around for the forever. Parenting is hard and he has already said that when it gets too hard he will move on.

Raye - posted on 01/27/2015

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You don't want to trick him into proposing.

You should have friends, though, and your whole life should not be your partner. Just in case he does leave you, your friends will be a support system and you won't be totally alone. And if he does end up proposing then you have friends to share your joy with.

S - posted on 01/27/2015

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I know, it's really confusing, I don't know what to do. someone suggested that I go out with the girls and not be with him so much and then he might be afraid I'm gonna go and he might propose??????? Confused lol

Ledia - posted on 01/27/2015

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I don't get it. If he is "afraid of losing you" and "afraid you'll find someone better" wouldn't marriage be in his favor?? It is a deeper level of commitment, thus would make it LESS likely that you would leave him. He makes no sense.

S - posted on 01/26/2015

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We had a chat last night about the situation, he said if he was to get married then he would want to marry me, but he don't want to marry due to his parents having a bad marriage. He also said he was scared of losing me and that he thinks I'll find someone better than him, I told him he makes me so happy and I've never been so happy, he said to me that I'm the one, 😕

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/26/2015

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"I'm just this way" is not a reason. It's a cop out. That being said, as long as you have paternity established, and he understands that, if he should leave for whatever reason, he'll still be expected to support his child, then it's up to you.

S - posted on 01/26/2015

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I'm 30 and he is 40, he didn't dump his child's mum they split up after 18 years of being together in a relationship that was a bit rocky. He said he didn't want kids either but his child was an accident but the best accident and best thing that's ever happened in his life. We have been together 6 months but knew each other before we got together. He said he never wanted anymore kids till he met me and that I am the one 😕

Raye - posted on 01/26/2015

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I'm also curious how long you've been together and how old you both are.

It's okay if he doesn't want to get married. That's his choice. But what do YOU want. If you want marriage, then it sounds like he's not the right guy for you. If you choose to have a baby with this guy, then expect the worst (ending up on your own with this child), hope for the best (a loving life partner and co-parent), and anything in between comes as no surprise.

Ledia - posted on 01/26/2015

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"I've been this way since I was 14..." Is NOT a valid explanation for why he will not commit to marriage. He needs to explain WHY he's been that way since he was 14.....plus deciding he doesn't want to get married at 14 is pretty much worthless--no 14 year old boy likes the idea of getting married. They just want to be "players" jumping from one hot girl to the next all of their lives, and it sounds to me like this boyfriend still has the mindset of a 14 year old boy.

All in all though, you can't trust anyone to stick around and be with you forever. Most people will stick around in your life while it is fun, and they'll promise to stay forever because they know that's what you want to hear, or they might even believe in the moment that the fun will never end and nothing better will ever come along, but eventually, they get bored or they find someone more fun, and they leave. So never depend on anyone. If you decide to have a baby with this man, make sure you have a plan in place to be on your own, just in case. You never know though, I've heard there actually are people out there who keep their word, but I don't know how to tell them from the ones who leave.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/24/2015

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How long have you been with this man? Personally I feel a baby is a bigger commitment than marriage, but marriage tells me that both parties are potentially ready for the bigger life long commitment of a child together. I personally wouldn't do it.

Michelle - posted on 01/24/2015

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The fact that he really couldn't give you a real reason why he doesn't want to get married is strange.
Most people who have made a decision like that have a definite answer, not "I've always been that way". Has he seen some bad marriages? That could make someone not want to get married..
I would be thinking very hard before having children with him. I know marriage doesn't guarantee that you will stay together but it is a commitment to each other that you will try hard to keep it together.

Jodi - posted on 01/24/2015

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How old are you both?

And I'm sorry, but "he has always been that way since he was 14" is not a good reason. That's a cop out. Ask him for a real reason, one that is logical. I wouldn't accept that one.

Have you spoken to him about your concerns?

S - posted on 01/24/2015

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I asked him why he said he never wants to marry and he said he has always been that way since he was 14. Yes he is a very good dad to his child and pays £150 a week to his ex for his child as he has a good job. I want to have a baby with him but don't want to end up on my own with his baby.

Jodi - posted on 01/24/2015

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So what are his reasons for choosing never to marry? Have you ever asked that question?

How is he with the child he has? Is he supporting the child, both financially and emotionally? Does he spend time with the child and actually "be" daddy? On a regular basis?

You are right to be wary. He sounds like he really doesn't want to commit.

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