Boyfriend with child from past relationship. Need advice.

Abby - posted on 01/02/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a boyfriend that has a son that's almost 2 years old now, and I have no problem with him having to talk to his ex to communicate with her about things that are specifically about their son. The problem is his ex's attitude towards him having a girlfriend. She is always saying that he doesn't spend enough time with his son, just so he can be with me which is not true at all. He works from 6 am to 4 pm Mon-Sun, with every other Saturday off. His ex-girlfriend goes to school from 8 am to 12, in which hours their son is with her mom. From 12 to 2 he naps, and from 2 to 4 his ex spends time with her son. At 4 pm he picks him up from her house and has him until 10 pm. His ex picks him up and it's the same thing everyday.

The thing that bothers me is that she currently told him that she was going for a vacation in Mexico for about a month, and was taking their son with her. He didn't agree, and her parent's didn't agree either. Their son has his last name, so she needed a letter to take him out of the country, but she said nothing was going to stop her and that she didn't need his permission at all. She has never filed for child support, but he gives her a good amount of money, but she keeps on asking for more. She always uses their son to get her way, and I'm starting to get pretty upset because of this.

I've asked him why he doesn't go to court and try to get some sort of custody, but he's too scared to go to court because of his legal status here in the U.S, he's from Mexico and is here illegally, but he does have a clean record, he's loving to his son and his son spends most of his time at his dad's house.

Can we get some advice on what to do?

4 Comments

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Jodi - posted on 01/02/2014

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I would suggest that your boyfriend needs to talk to a lawyer. This is a very complicated situation.

Michelle - posted on 01/02/2014

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That's a messy one.
Here in Australia both parents need to fill in the passport application but only 1 has to show ID. Both parents details are filled in though.
Because he is in the country illegally then there's not much he can do about it. Even though he has a "clean record" he's there illegally and most immigration departments don't take that lightly.
Her parents don't have to agree with her taking her son out of the country though, don't know why you mentioned that at all.

Ev - posted on 01/02/2014

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Also, you being the girlfriend will have no legal say in matters either. You can be there to support him but that is about all you can do.

Ev - posted on 01/02/2014

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I am not sure how to go about this. He is not legally here. Why did he not go the legal route to get here in the first place? If he can not go to court because of his illegal status, then there may not be much he can do because if he does try and they figure out his status here, he will be deported back to Mexico. The mother needed to set up custody and visitation and child support of the child from the get go. Is the father listed on the birth certificate if you know? It does take the signatures of both parents to get a passport but with daddy's illegal status, I am not sure what you can or can not do.

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