Boyfriends Parents Making me Sign Pre-nup?

Katt - posted on 10/22/2009 ( 161 moms have responded )

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So my boyfriends parents want me to sign this paper saying that if anything were to happen to us that I do not get anything involving the house as they put 60.000$ into the house i'm not the type of person that if anything were to happen I would take him for all he has... I personally don't want to sign it because i'm left with nothing. I don't care for myself as much but mainly my daughter...I don't know what to do but I do know that if I don't sign it, it will seriously be like world war 3 with his father and I don't really want to start anything with the family... I'm stuck and need some advice HELP!



I live in Canada, Alberta to be exact. The situation is, before we even moved in together his parents bought this house and he was renting it and 2 of his friends were living with him, well after about 2 months of renting it, his parents were like oh, were going to give you the house to help you out a bit so they transfered the mortgage into his name. Then I found out I was pregnant and we moved in together in August 2008 we had our daughter in January 2009 since then we were considered common law because of our daughter. My boyfriend is completely against it, it infuriates him...but since his parents have so much money in this house he feels like he has to agree...he told me it comes down to me because it's really mainly effecting me but I don't want to start anything with his family, so i'm stuck. I told my boyfriend today that i'm not signing it until we have a will in place because if he dies a will voids this paper. Now hopefully he never ever dies!! Hopefully nothing bad ever happens but I want to be able to protect my daughter if anything does happen. I came into this relationship with nothing, we started dating when I was in high school, I lived on my own for 8 months then got pregnant and moved in with him so I didn't have a chance to get anything of my own all I have is what I brought with me so thats what concerns me, I can't raise a child with that! And just so everyone knows, were not married or even engaged and he has never said he wouldn't marry me if I didn't sign it. Like I said he's completely against it. But in Canada once we've been living together for 12 months or have a child together weather or not we live together we're common law, which means i'm entitled to half.





As for my boyfriend, he has told his parents he is completely against this, he has gotten into huge fights with his parents over this. It's mainly his dad that was doing this, his mom disagrees with it too. He has even told his mother that he wouldn't be surprised if I don't ever want to come to any family function ever again. His dad just won't let it go so he said whatever because his dad is so bull headed, you can't ever win with that man.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Charity - posted on 10/28/2009

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I would tell your partner that if he lets his father get away with this now it will never stop both of you stand up and say no.

Tina - posted on 10/27/2009

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If they gave him the house...it's his. He should put it on the market,( all be it slow ), sell the house and buy one that belongs to the two of you, Are you living with his parents? Honestly, it sounds like they did him a favor to "help" him and now they are holding it over him. Sounds like they still feel the need to control his life but if he's a grown man, seriously mom and dad give it a rest, your baby is all grown up with a baby of his own...cut the cord people!

Isobel - posted on 10/22/2009

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I'm actually in a similar position...I actually WANT a prenup. I feel it will stop any chance of people wondering just what I'm in it for. Good Luck

Brandi - posted on 10/22/2009

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i know exactly what u mean!! my inlaws and i have had it out alot of times believe me it went as far as them calling child services on me!! but i learned all the tricks of the trade such as if the problem is between me and them i deal with it without putting my husband in the middle but i do warn him ahead of time of what the situation is and that ima do what i have to so he cant get mad at me. usually if he sees im in the right he backs me up which is most of the time lol but anyway truth be told if your man truely loves you he will do what he needs to do as a man and partner. it took my husband awhile to realize that just because they are his parents doesnt man they are always right and i love the fact that now if i have and issue and tell him about it ahead of time without being bitchy about it and show him how it makes me feel he stays out of it and it really makes his mother mad but oh well...he may be her son but hes MY husband and the daddy of MY children so theyre just gonna have to get over it. and to be honest it shouldnt matter how much money they put into the house they signed it over to him. its almost like they have already decided that yall are gonna get divorced before yall have evn gotten married...without even giving it a chance!! If hes leaving the decision up to you then id say not to sign it regardless of what they want...ur bf seems to have a good head on his shoulders at the moment and i understand u not wanting to cause problems but honey take it from me...even if u sign that paper u are still gonna have problems with these people because nothing u do will ever be good enough for their son and u cant live life based on making everyone else happy...the only people u should be worrying about is YOUR family, ur hubby and daughter thats it! i dint have a thing when i had my first child either and now i have 3 and i still dont have anything to really give them except for the love i have, a home, an education, attention, and life itself!! things will get better i promise you but u have to be willing to live for u and ur family not by what everyone else says!! and if u need a job ill be more then happy to give u details on what i do cuz i work from home and i love being here with my kids and earning an extra income trust me its amazing!! without this extra money id be lost!! send me a private message and let me know!! God Bless you and ur lil one!!

Sharon - posted on 10/22/2009

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then ask for it to be modified. Or put a large life insurance policy on your boyfriend. As the father of your daughter - you're entitled to hold a policy on him. With the policy cashed, should the unthinkable happen, you can buy the house from them.



I volunteered to sign a prenup with my hubby - his family owned a fairly lucrative business when we got engaged and I didn't want any part of it. I had nothing to do with it becoming a large business and I didn't feel entitled to any more of it than what he had.



My side stipulated that in the even of death or divorce I get the best vehicle owned by him or us, and the house in even of death or half the house in the even of divorce. He is not entitled to to my investments or life insurance policy that is held by my mother.



Talk to his father - ask him what would happen if your boyfriend were to die? You're just the girlfriend and not entitled to anything really. There is social security and, like I mentioned, a life insurance policy. You could maybe sign away your entitlement and let them be in control of what should naturally fall to your daughter.

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Rusti - posted on 11/10/2012

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Refuse to sign period. If your boyfriends agfainst it and you have a child with possibly more children on the way, a will only protects you if he dies. the house was a gift to your boyfriend. A gift is a gift. What if you get married? My mother in law hasn't liked me for 30 years now. My husband says her problem and it is her problem. the night before our wedding she actually took him out to dinner to try to talk him into calling off the wedding. we had 350 people coming it was a huge wedding! She showed up drunk, bad mouthed me at our reception but we've been together 30 years now. You aren't with his parents you are WITH HIM! Last Christmas my husband gave me a new diamond ring and cruise tickets we are getting remarried in 3 weeks on a cruise. He proposed again! So, tell his dad sorry but you aren't signing you have a child and the house belongs to your childs father and you have to protect your child. then tick the old man off and get married. Leave them out of your relationship. your boyfriend doesn't want it so tell him to tell mommy and daddy no dice. It would be foolish for you to sign something like that! Good luck!

Mary - posted on 10/31/2009

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I like Myra Baucum's advice. It seems very reasonable, especially the part about you not having to pay the entire amount. P.S a girlfriend of my was saying her mom only gave their marriage 6 month, they just had their 21st wedding anniversary, so I say best of luck to the two of you. Also, like others said, a pre-nup is between the two getting married not the parents and the spouse. A different legal document would probably be more suitable.

Trudy - posted on 10/28/2009

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This is easy. Why don't you put the house in your daughters name and that way if anything happens it is hers. You could stipulate that you get permanent tenancy until she reaches a certain age. Surly the grandfather wouldn't object to his Granddaughter having the house in the event of any tragedy. Not only that but if your relationship doesn't last then your daughter still has the house. That is what I would do/suggest.

Jennefer - posted on 10/28/2009

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Signing the paper only means that if you two break up, you don't get 1/2 of the house. It doesn't disqualify you from child support or any other assets the two of you build up together. I think focusing on the paper is the wrong move. I would try to build up other assets together, as well as good credit, and purchase a house together on your own. The parents then will have no say in it, as it is not their investment. I think the real issue is that the father's attitude is one of little confidence in the relationship, and this is disappointing, but help with strings is crappy and co-dependent. Can you be grateful for a roof over your head for the time being, even if when it sells you don't get the $$, use the security to save, and next time if they offer to help you, negotiate the partnership agreement then based on what everyone is contributing?

Christine - posted on 10/28/2009

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Ah family drama...try and remember that these people will be "family" forever more even if only through you daughter. That said..talk to a lawyer so you know what both your and your boyfriends rights and responsibilities are. It may possibly be that what he brought to the relationship is his but what you add to it is common property. So if he (and his parents) had $60k invested in the property then that would remain theirs should you divorce/seperate but any investment into the property following your common-law relationship or marriage would be common property.



If you do decide to sign a pre-nup then go all the way and make sure everything in included, such as provisions for alimony and child support as per alberta guidelines ect.



good luck

Lynne - posted on 10/28/2009

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Why don't you get another place to live so your family can't control your lives? Your relationship is with him not his family. Sometimes you have to get humble and give up greed for money and inheritances to have a good life with the one you truely love.

Angela - posted on 10/28/2009

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Have you checked into the laws concerning entitlement for common law partners? if your boyfriend is against it as well as his mom, why don't you all sit down and discuss what the options are before signing anything. You obviously have a child together and that should be your main concern. You are right - a will should be drawn so that if anything does happen to either of you, then your daughter will be taken care of.

Tammy - posted on 10/27/2009

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just say im not signing anything for you( the dad is the only one who wants it.?) the less you say the better.......so just -im sorry but im not able to do this for you at this time...smile be polite and carry on

Melissa - posted on 10/27/2009

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In the US, I would assume there to be different laws about mortgage transfer's and landownership than in Canada; however, if the parents of your husband (common law because of your daughter) transfered the house to him, he has sole ownership unless prior legal contracts have been documented. You are entitled to half. The inlaws hold no ground here. At the point of turning the home over to their son, he became the "sayer" of what happens to his property. Now, the prenup. is between you and your common law husband. The Inlaws should have no influence on that. If both of you agree that isn't what you want, out of the concern for protecting your daughter, than thats what is agreed. Move on. The in laws are apart of your "family", but they shouldn't be causing so much tension on a fresh marriage and relationship. I do not believe they are handling their positions in a mature manner. They too should be concerned for the welfare of their grandchild. Hope all goes well. Stand Your Ground. You have to look out for you and what you know is best for your circumstances.

[deleted account]

Tell his dad that if he's so concerned about the house he can put it back into his name and out of his son's name. Then he'll have nothing to complain about. It sounds like he's just really controlling. Anyway... if the house isn't in your boyfriend's/husband's name if you do break up then it won't matter. If it all is really just about keeping you from taking 1/2 the house if you leave then he should be ok with that. He'll have the exact same results as the prenup. Good Luck!

Darlene - posted on 10/27/2009

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I feel Dear One if you are married and depending on what is involved maybe a prenup is good to go with to protect you. But that is not the case....Parents should not be involved in you or your boy friends decisons. After all you are grown adults.

[deleted account]

I think his parents are trying to do what's best for their son. The idea you had about getting a will is good - and should be done regardless when a child is brought into the world. I would say sign the pre-nup and let his parents think they won. Like you said, the will would overrule anyhow.

Doris - posted on 10/27/2009

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Seeing as they have turned the house over to their son, they no longer have a financial interest in the home. It no longer belongs to them since they have given up their rights to this home. It is completely your boyfriend's decision. If the parents have sold the home to someone else, they wouldn't be able to tell the new owners what to do with it, would they? No matter what their prior investments were. If its going to create an ongoing family drama, I suggest you and your boyfriend find a new place to live and rent the place to someone else.

Leigh - posted on 10/26/2009

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60K is alot of blood, sweat & tears. I can see your boyfriends parents concern. They're as passionate about their son, as you are about your daughters welfare & the 'what if's' of life. Your boyfriend would have to provide for his daughter regardless. Don't rush to get married, take your time, it's up to you when you feel ready to take this journey. You will forever have your inlaws in your life, especially if you intend to spend your life with their son, so make sure between the two of you your child is looked after, the rest will come with time. His dad will come around, walk your path with your head held high, it will prove that his son has made a great choice in choosing you. I have found agree to what ever verbally, but doing what I wanted anyway worked well for me.

User - posted on 10/26/2009

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The advice i give you is not to sign it. You dont need to prove to them that you wont take anything for if something does happen. I also believe that will be a jinx why if u and him are good why they thinking of that or even bringing it up? another thing you said you went into that relationship with nothing but ma you have something now that he has to always do for and thats your princess. His parents dont like it oh well its your relationship with him if he trusts you then you should tell him to tell his parents to stop with that nonsense and let you two live happy. Always think of your baby's future if i was you i wouldnt sign it as the mother of their grandchild you have rights.

Natalia - posted on 10/26/2009

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I can understand where his parents are coming from, every parent wants to protect their child and that's all they're trying to do. Why don't you and your fiancee take out a loan to cover your soon to be in-laws $60,000 input and buy them out? My husband and I have quite a few properties and I would do the same if we gave my daughter a house and she was getting married...



Goodluck! xo

Natalia - posted on 10/26/2009

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I can understand where his parents are coming from, every parent wants to protect their child and that's all they're trying to do. Why don't you and your fiancee take out a loan to cover your soon to be in-laws $60,000 input and buy them out? My husband and I have quite a few properties and I would do the same if we gave my daughter a house and she was getting married...



Goodluck! xo

Laura - posted on 10/26/2009

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Quoting Susan:

After reading all these opinions it seems to me that a lot of you women have kids without getting married and are expecting the men to take care of you and the children. You enter into these relationships with nothing and probably have no real education to get a worthwhile job if anything does happen. You choose to have the children and trap these men and then expect them to pay out for ever more.


Wow, what a dumb thing to say! Do you think these men walk into these relationships not knowing the women have kids already?



Seriously, no one held a gun to any man's head and was made to marry a woman with a child.. Geez.

Laura - posted on 10/26/2009

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That is such crap! Dont sign! That is a issue of not trusting you or accepting you. So if they dont accept or trust you enough that they need to protect a lousy 60,000 >in reality isnt much< then you definately can expect more drama signing it or not! Protect your future and your childrens future. This sounds like a heck of alot of problems...

My Ex's parents also bought a house for us when we first got married.. I am in Canada too.. The fight hasnt even begun in this divorce stuff yet, but the parents refused to put the house in our names.. Of course this was their nice way of saying "We want control" I dont live there.. Havent for two years.. And I dont think I will even see a dime from it even after all is said and done.

-Laura

Tracy - posted on 10/26/2009

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i saw where someone said that there is not common law marriages in this country anymore, not true! there is still common law marriage in the state of TX... i was common law married for 2 yrs before we had a ceremony & "got married".

Angela - posted on 10/26/2009

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First off do what you feel will best prtect your child or and future children you two may have! But In My Opinion...It is between you and your husband and if he is against it then I would say don't do it! If his parents wanted to protect their investments they would have never put the mortgage in his name! They would have kept it solely to themselves and just let him rent still. Now that the mortgage is in his name then I would say that the parents should butt out, they gave it up to their son! If he wants to give the whole thing to you if something happens that is his business and loss or whatever it might be...it is now his Call. His parents need to let their son be grown and make his own mistakes (Not saying he is going to or is making one) and live his own life! He is doing what is right and providing a stable place for his children and his parents should just be proud that they raised their son right and he isn't being a deadbeat!!! That is their grandchild whether they like it or not and they should get over it in due time when God gives them a bigger challenge to worry about then causin a family fuss that should have never been started by them! Keep your head up and no matter who it is don't let them break you down! Stand for what you believe in!!! and if he wants to stay with you then he needs to tell his parents its not happening! If this prblem persists and cannot be reconsiled then you two need to look at alternative options to provide a home for your child or children that has nothing to do with his parents and then you won't feel as if you have to answer to anyone but yourself, your children, and God himself!!!

Stephanie - posted on 10/26/2009

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My guess is the house in his name gives them a tax break. My exhusband and I were in a similar situation. When I married him, I had to sign over rights to stocks and bonds that belonged to his parents, but were in his name. I would suggest having the parents put the house back in their own names if that is the only issue.

[deleted account]

I don't see how they even have a legal leg to stand on, since the house is now in your boyfriend/common law husband's name. Insist on that Will. Don't fight with your 'inlaws'. That is what they are looking for-don't give them anything to throw back at you later. Calmly point out that any "half" you would get is to support THEIR grand-daughter. Resist the fight without giving up the battle. You are a grown-up with a child now. Don't let them be-little you. Good Luck.

Kim - posted on 10/26/2009

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Ok, I just wrote a really long reply, but then when I went to post, it disappeared. So this time, it's going to be a lot shorter! =)



Ok, a marriage is about trust, commitment, and love. I intentionally put them in that order. If you don't have trust and commitment between one another, you don't have love. Love is a feeling like any other, and there wil be some days you just won't love your significant other all that much! =)



Obviously, asking for a pre-nup completely voids that trust and commitment from the very beginning. If you set yourself up to fail before you even get started, there's not much point in getting married.



You are NOT marrying his parents! You two need to be able to stick up for each other in front of ANY adversary, be that parents, in-laws, friends, etc.



Marriage is not about how much of it will be your half when you get a divorce. Seriously, if that's your ultimate concern, not getting 'your half' when things fall through, you probably should be asking yourself why your even getting married in the first place. Like you said, you're already common law, (I don't know the laws in Canada) so if your fear it will fail, again, why get married?



I am unfortunately speaking from experience here. I was living with a man for about 6 months, (we knew each other for a year previous) had the wedding planned, everthing was good, and then WHAM, he hit me with the pre-nup and said either I sign or we don't get married. I caved, I signed, and it destroyed our marriage. I couldn't live with the idea that he had already prepared for failure, and he couldn't handle waiting for the 'other shoe to drop'. It was a disaster from the beginning.



Don't sign. If you two really love each other, and are committed to making it work no matter what, then you don't need it. If you think you need to prepare for a future of 'he gets his half and I get mine', then you're wasting both of your time, as well as dragging a child in the middle of the mess.



I hope you are able to get past this, and have a sincere and lifetime realationship with one another. Good luck! =)

Karen - posted on 10/26/2009

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Don't you ever think you went into this relationship with nothing your very presence is more valuable than anything, your boyfriend needs to let his parents know that when they invest in a child they also invest into their child future and you are clearly apart of his. The house is in his name now and the responsibilities that comes along with it also, you guys need to get married get on with your lives. your boyfriend parents needs to stop being selfish and realize that family's are more important than anything.

Cheryl - posted on 10/26/2009

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apparently Susan Walton doesn't realize that a man needs to take responsibility for his actions, especially his sexual ones.

Cheryl - posted on 10/26/2009

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So what you are saying is, if something happens to your boyfriend his parents don't care what happens to their grandchild. Or perhaps if something were to happen they could use this to help them get custody of your daughter. I don't know how the laws work in Canada. Is the house in his name? If it is it doesn't matter what anyone else wants, it's his house!

Karen - posted on 10/26/2009

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I don't understand this "love affair" these men have with their parents and visa versa. If he would leave ~anything~ to his parents and not the wife and children he is responsible for, we have a serious confusion on what the role of a father and husband is. The Bible says to leave your father and mother and cleave to your wife and become ONE. Don't get me wrong, we are to honor our mother and father, but when we decide to marry and have children our focus MUST change or it will never work. As far as a Pre-nup...What people are REALLY saying when they ask someone to sign it is, "I am going to go into this marriage with 'one foot in and one foot OUT'. Just in case someone else or something better comes along I want a way out and I want what I had, before I met you, BACK. It is not a good way to start a relationship/marriage. It is really heartbreaking to think that this person thinks he has/is going to "invest" MORE into this than YOU. Monetary investment in a marriage is something but it certainly isn't EVERYTHING. What about the heart? What about the important things that money CAN'T buy. I've seen "rich" people lose their money, and everything they have but continue to go on and strive to get back what they lost. I've seen people with money make more money and seem to have everything but somewhere down the road their heart gets broken and they kill themselves. The money wasn't enough to keep them alive. When everything seemed to come crashing in around them, the money didn't "hold them up". Marriage, when done properly, should be an investment of Time, Energy, Love, Honesty, Laughter, Joy, Faith, and much more...when we come together making a family or a relationship about "what you bring/brought to it and what I bring," "what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours...etc.." we fail right from the start. I know there are a lot of single woman out there, as well as single men, but unfortunately that was not what God intended for us. The woman is "built" a certain way that is different from a man and visa-versa. It was deliberate! With the strong qualities a woman has and the strong qualities a man has come together they form a union and a bond that is necessary for each other to become ONE. Just like God has commanded. It is a Biblical Principle. When that bond is there the children have security which gives them self-esteem. When we get married we have to realize that giving up a little of ourselves and putting it together in this mixture of marriage we come out with a whole lot more than anything we could do alone. If we really think about it we will spend more time living with a spouse than we will our parents. That is the goal. If a man says, "you have to get along with my parents before I marry you" he just is looking for excuses. We live in a fallen world. It is not perfect. We will have our good times and our bad times. If we "give up or give in" every time something goes bad we would never get anywhere! A relationship is a two-way street. We wouldn't say we are in a relationship with ourselves. We are in relationships with people. We have to learn to get along with each other to have a relationship. If it is YOU that have to get along with his parents (and his parents don't have to try to get along with you) what you are doing it just TOLERATING them, not getting along with them. He is saying, "It isn't my parents responsibility to get along with you, it is YOUR responsibility to get along with THEM. THAT is not a relationship that goes both ways, that is YOU tolerating THEM. See the difference? His parents would do better if they knew their role in this. They can be "the in-laws", "the grandparents", but they are not married to you nor should they act like it. Remember, two heads in a relationship is a monster. know the role you are playing, and play THAT role.

Annmarie - posted on 10/25/2009

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Ok - a pre nup agreement is just that an agreement-- who says it has to be so "one sided" you and your bf should re write it so that you both agree what it says heck, say in it that you split everything 50/50 so that you both can care for your child then both sign it. then tell his dad "that you signed the prenup' but don't tell him what is in it. none of his business- don't let him see it, maybe that will keep him quiet. What really can he do the deed to the house is in your bf name- and I believe you are just trying to keep the peace with his dad so there ya go.-- extended families can be just a pain. The other alternative is just do not sign anything but a marriage license- then oops too late for dad to say/do anything. He will get over it once he sees his grandchild.

Rachel - posted on 10/25/2009

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Quoting Rachel:

okay thats alot going on.Now As I see it he gave it to your son so he has no say in it. Its up to his son on the house. But if you do sign it then you want have say.So what needs to be done is you and your boyfriend / Comman law husband needs to sit and do a plan on how you plan to take care of your child from now till it able to be an adult. That should be first on his mind and his fathers. His father might not like the situation but bottom line it's not about what he wants but you and your boyfriend.If your together or not the child future should be set forth first. Do not sign any thing with out looking in too your childs future first and setting there inheritance up first.



Now a pre - nup  can be a great thing. You get to keep what you came in the situation with same as the other partner.  But depends on the pre-nup too I'm going to guess . You get to split things after what you get together. I'm going to guess on it but too Wouldn't it all go to you if he dies. SAme thing i said above put the child first and go from there you have to look at the fututer and set things in motion for you and your child. things are different when there are children envoled. Good luck!

Rachel - posted on 10/25/2009

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okay thats alot going on.Now As I see it he gave it to your son so he has no say in it. Its up to his son on the house. But if you do sign it then you want have say.So what needs to be done is you and your boyfriend / Comman law husband needs to sit and do a plan on how you plan to take care of your child from now till it able to be an adult. That should be first on his mind and his fathers. His father might not like the situation but bottom line it's not about what he wants but you and your boyfriend.If your together or not the child future should be set forth first. Do not sign any thing with out looking in too your childs future first and setting there inheritance up first.

Bonniejean - posted on 10/25/2009

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I feel for you girl, but most importantly your daughter should be your main concern no matter what! If the mortgage is already under your mans name then there is no concern for what the father thinks you should sign. My best advice is do not rely on anyone to support you or your daughter, continue your education and find a good job. If you and your boyfriend continue to stay together then you should find a way to pay the money back his parents put into the house so that there is nothing over your heads. I know first hand how controling father-in-laws can be. As long as you have your boyfriends support and the love you share for your daughter you don't have to worry about anything.

As far as family functions you should of course go and show them that no matter what your here to stay. And never use your daughter as a bargaining chip if they love her too then make sure they have a good relationship with her. Kill him with kindness!

Dee - posted on 10/25/2009

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Sweetie stand up for yourself and your daughter! If you let this man walk on you now, it will never end. The deal for me is this, they gifted the house to your boyfriend and changed over the title to him. I don't believe they could take it back if something happened to your boyfriend. Check it out with a lawyer, but as long as you are named as wife or even common law wife, i say he should tell them to take a hike and you will no longer have anything to do with them if they continue to pressure you both. Either they are going to except you or they won't but a gental reminder about thier grandchild might help...explaining that you are looking out for her welfare as well. Good luck...i have walked in your shoes and it isn't easy. dont worry about the war...they end at some point

Christel - posted on 10/25/2009

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If I were you and him I would say to his father we are no longer going to live in this house! Your boyfriend and youshould look for another place to live appartment or friend mother in law your mother some where differnt so you dont have any ties to his father. then your boyfriend could let his father sell or rent to someone else. GET OUT NOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

Lori - posted on 10/25/2009

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I would tell him that I would not sign it. If his dad wants the house back then let him have it, and if your boyfriend is against it as much as you are he should be in agreement with you. Dont like his parents come between the two of you. More than that house your child needs the two of you to remain strong. There are other houses out that you can buy or rent.

Melanie - posted on 10/25/2009

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I can totally understand my husband came into this relationship with nothing and I had quite a bit. I even considered a pre-nup too but didn't as he said he was with me for me and not for him. Why doesn't your boyfriend suggest starting to pay back the £60,000 in bits and then that way the house will be his to do with whatever he wants. i totally understand that as your not married you want protection for your child. It's not fair that you are put in this position and portrayed as a gold-digger. I think his parents (mainly his dad) needs to see that you are looking out for your daughter not yourself. See where I live you have to be living with someone for 7 yrs before you can be classed as a common law wife. x

Wendy - posted on 10/25/2009

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Since they already signed the mortgage over to him, I don't think they have much they can do if you and your boyfriend decide not to sign anything.

Kristina - posted on 10/25/2009

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WoW I have read everything and many of the ladys had really awsome advice and opinions.

Its there grandaughter right? So do they care what happens to there grandchild? I would honestly talk this threw with your boyfriend and have him stand up with you to make sure that your daughter and you in the event of death or divorce get compensation. I know from being a mom, and my husband's family having money that I don't care about the family money but if something god forbid were to happen to my husband or we god fobid got a divorce I would hope that the family of my son would help or at least give my son enough to have a comfortable life, clothing, food, shelter, ect . . . .

Make sure that if this pre- nup has to be done that you will not do anything tell this is put in the pre-nup. If they refuse to put it in, then tell them to shove the pre-nup! Again like many of the other lady's have said you are in a relationship with your boyfriend/husband not his family you did not have the baby with his parents you had it with him. On that note, your boyfreind/husband needs to stand by you and back you up on this, not just give up and make it your choice alone. Thats to much stress on you! He needs to defend you and your choices that you both make for the best intrest in your child!

Good Luck and best of wishes to you!

Katt - posted on 10/25/2009

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Quoting Susan:

After reading all these opinions it seems to me that a lot of you women have kids without getting married and are expecting the men to take care of you and the children. You enter into these relationships with nothing and probably have no real education to get a worthwhile job if anything does happen. You choose to have the children and trap these men and then expect them to pay out for ever more.


 



I don't know where you get off thinking I purposely got pregnant at 19 to "trap" my boyfriend into a relationship - or ANY one here for that matter. First of all my b/f was sooo excited when I told him I was pregnant! He couldn't stop telling people. He wanted her and by no means does he feel trapped in this relationship because we have her. I may not have a so called "real" education - what does that even mean btw I didn't go to school for 4 or 7 years to be a lawyer or a doctor what if that isn't what I wanted to do with my life?? What if my boyfriend wants me to stay home with her?? What does it matter if were married or not? It doesn't matter to us, we love eachother more than some MARRIED couples, were more than happy and thats all that a child needs and thats all that matters to us. I do not expect my b/f to support me, like I said before I have tried getting a job and he doesn't want me to. Stop being so judgmental and jumping to ridiculous conclusions and assuming every girl is a lazy, gold digger. I would also really appreciate it if you just stopped posting. Thanks.



 

Megan - posted on 10/25/2009

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They should never have given him a house if they didn't want to give him complete control over it in the first place. It's time for them to back out of his life a little and respect him by trusting and allowing him to live his life as a man. Parents have no business trying to control an adult child's life or the way he enters a marriage. It's fine if they want to give their opionion, but to push it shows that they don't respect and trust his decision making as an adult. The fact that they are trying to make you sign a prenup shows that they have no faith that the marriage will last. Your best option is to give or sell the house back to them and move. It's ok to start out renting somewhere if you can't afford to buy a new house. You will appreciate the life you have built together MUCH more when you build it together on your own and are free to make the decisions that suit you best as a couple. Though his parents might be frustrated with a choice like this at first, later it will prove to them that they can trust you. They will see that you love their son and want to work hard to build an equal life together on your own. If you stay in that house, they will always use that house and the money they have invested to manipulate you. They need to accept you as a part of the family and trust that God has his own plan. Though they love their son and would like to do everything humanly possible to protect him in his life, they cannot. Life is life, and the two of you are adults. I know it will be hard to go against what his dad is pushing, but it will be the best decision you ever made. What would you want your daughter to do in this situation? Trust your instincts. Don't allow his parents to control your life together. If anything, that will only be a recipe for disaster.

Athena - posted on 10/25/2009

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What gives you the right to say somthing like that. I do agree women need to not trap men or have babies with men out of wed lock and then expect them to take care of them. That does not give a man the right not to take care of his children. I know many women who were marriend at one point, got a divorce and the men still don't. I know many of educateed women to got caugt up in the moment, have good money and still want their fathers to be responsible. How dare you make a statment like that. That's narrow minded.

Athena - posted on 10/25/2009

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Quoting Susan:

After reading all these opinions it seems to me that a lot of you women have kids without getting married and are expecting the men to take care of you and the children. You enter into these relationships with nothing and probably have no real education to get a worthwhile job if anything does happen. You choose to have the children and trap these men and then expect them to pay out for ever more





Wow that sure is judgemental.  






Athena - posted on 10/25/2009

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Ask your in laws why didn't thy sign a pre nup. Then tell them you are marrying a man, not a little boy who has to do every thing there parents say. Let them know they have no right. If you dont do this now, you will cry later...trust. Earn your respect honey. If your heart is in the right place then they will eventually come to grips. Stand for what you believe in. Incourage you boy boyfriend to do the same.

Tina - posted on 10/25/2009

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I would bring up about your daughter what happens as far as money for her from the house if something were to happen, how will the prenup effect her. Im going through sorta the same thing with my husband he has a trust fund and being married to him or not im no able to get anything towards my son if something would happen to him, his brothers would get the money... This is a bad situation because it seems like your boyfriends father doesnt trust u enough to be able to take on responsibility of a break up but enough to give him a granddaughter. but my opinion go with your gut Dont sign it.

Coralanne - posted on 10/25/2009

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Hi Katt, I am from Australia and I think you should not sign anything. I believe a marriage is based on love and trust and friendship and straight down the middle when it comes to everything concerning a marriage. I have been married 32 years and known my husband 36. I also believe starting a marriage like this is doomed to end. Think very carefully and talk to your hubby to be about this and state that you have a right to be an equal partner and make sure if anything does happen to your to be hubby that you most certainly receive half of the house and the other half goes to his parents. Sorry to say this but they sound controlling and you need to make sure you have the right place in your partners life and not his parents. Why not suggest that they sell the house and give their son half and that way you both are not tied to them. Hope this helps. Love CC xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Lori - posted on 10/24/2009

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Your boyfriend should offer the house back to them then. Gifts don't come with conditions. There is a child involved, and if things are already this way, I think the two of you should make it well known that you are looking to move away for the childs sake.

Tami - posted on 10/24/2009

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I don't know about laws in Canada, but it seems to me that if you are already his wife even if it is a common law situation and recongnized by Alberta Canada as a lawful marriage then a pre-nup would be moot and invalid. It is to late for his parents to worry about it. That is an agreement that is signed BEFORE a marriage.

Lauren - posted on 10/24/2009

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You choose to have the children and trap these men and then expect them to pay out for ever more

After reading what a previous person replied, I am very irritated. I do not like how people decide they can pass judgments on people that they know nothing about. It is not a crime to have a child before or after getting married. I wonder if the previous person was for having an abortion, because guess what, accidents happen even when you are really careful and on birth control. I know that abstinence is the only way, but everyone is different. I do not like to judge, but this comment was very inappropriate. I love how people assume that you have no education or job from a small reply to a post. I am very highly educated and hold many jobs, including being a mother and an army wife, both of which are very large jobs in and of themselves. Some people have no clue what other moms go through, and mom's need to stick together and sometimes need advice if a problem arises, which, by the way, is not a crime. My opinion, please think before you act or respond. Something you say may make someone else mad and it could come off very inappropriate.

Gloria - posted on 10/24/2009

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if i were u i wouldnt sign it.for one thing thats there grand baby hello they should want to help.its in your mans name.its between u ur man thats it hun.pray long and hard.but i wouldnt sign.

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