Boyfriends Son... Need advice

Elizabeth - posted on 08/03/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, we own a house together and everything has been great until now. I am not a mom, we plan on having children but I need a moms perspective on this. He has a 6yr old son who I love very much. Usually everything is good. Lately I have been very stressed out at work and his son has been at our house regularly. When I get home his talking does not stop.. I make them dinner and clean up after a 9h day. My boyfriend is working maybe 30h a week right now. Everything I say his son has an answer on, whether he is right or wrong he will argue non stop. He always has to put his 2 cents in. He stays inside playing video games & watching tv, rarely goes outside or in his room. When he's here he takes over the living room. I feel like I can't watch tv in my own house and I'm basically just waiting for him to go to bed so I can get some peace! My boyfriend is upset with me because I seem annoyed all the time especially with his son. I don't want this to be a deal breaker but I make the majority of money in our household plus I come home and take charge here. I'm fed up. I need some peace, his son to quiet up and be respectful & to enjoy my own home when he's around. How do I not get annoyed???

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Ev - posted on 08/03/2014

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You two should have had a long discussion about this before you moved in together. You should have stated what kinds of rules you wanted in place and what he wanted in place before the boy came over and started staying a lot more often.

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I'm a stepmom to three - one who is special needs. And I was always the one cooking, cleaning, setting up activities to do - only to have it thrown back in my face by both their mom and dad. So now I don't do any of that but husband and I have talked about the expectations of the house and he is now the enforcer. (I still jump in once in awhile but I made him be the head of all of it now). It's less stress on me and yes - I feel like it's not my house when they are here and taking over my tv but I find that I get a lot of projects done now because I just kept putting them off. Anyway - I know and sympathize with how you feel - it's tough when they aren't your kids (I don't care what anyone says!)

Michelle - posted on 08/03/2014

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Then you need to have another talk with your boyfriend. Let him know how you are feeling and that he needs to help out more at home. If he will go maybe suggest counseling, that way you can both talk about what you would like with a 3rd party there.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/03/2014

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I think what happened is that as the child is getting Older and talking back more, my boyfriend finds it easier to let it go than to put his foot down. That leaves me in an awkward position as I don't want to step in and be the rule maker but I also don't want to let things go down the tube.

Ev - posted on 08/03/2014

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How did it change? Why was it allowed to change? HOw did it go from dicsussion to implementation or not?

Elizabeth - posted on 08/03/2014

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Expectations and rules were discussed prior to buying a home, everything was fine & then it changed.

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