MOST HELPFUL POSTS
â« Shawnn âªâ«â« - posted on 11/22/2013
Larry, You will do just fine with the whole deal!
You are already leaps & bounds ahead of other single dads, because you're anticipating the whole deal and taking steps to handle it in a non intrusive manner.
If you can get through "the talk", you'll be great. But, seriously, have you a church family or other method of support that could help you when you do get to some of the more...shall we say...sensitive questions? Although...I really have a feeling that you will be one of the coolest dads out there.
And stop belittling yourself about your perceived lack of education! You, my friend have what we call a "practical" education. One that you got in the School of Life. I promise, your daughter already thinks you're a rock star, and you ARE her hero.
Just to let you know, my dad wasn't widowed, but my folks were divorced. He gave me a better explanation of the whole female development mess than my mom did!
PS: she may be cute now, but she'll still be cute all grown up...only with that extra added dimension of adult beauty. You and she already have a special relationship...That will keep going!
LalaBoom - posted on 11/22/2013
I was going to suggest you let HER do the shopping online WITH you, but someone beat me to the punch :)
One thing though, she is a little girl (kind of!), try not to send the message that you are "embarrassed" to go with her because this is a "girls thing." I can imagine how awkward it may feel for you, but she'll more glad that dad sees this as "normal" than if you make it seem as though it makes you feel funny. Dads have a huge impact on their little girl when it comes to body image issues and other stuff, so I can understand the pressure.
Btw, my dad took me bra-shopping and we had a good experience. He acted matter-of-factly the whole time, and that put me at ease that he wasn't put off by the whole experience :)
Bev - posted on 11/21/2013
A final word on the subject from 'Down Under'... more about girls growing up than anything else. There is a very estemed Clinical Psychologist here in Australia who has written a very enlightened book on the maturation of girls through their teenage years and into adulthood.
The title of the book is "Princess Bitch Face" and in those 3 words he sheds light on what it feels like when your previously demure, delighful, charming, obedient, loving daughter (of whatever young age) becomes a door slamming, fouth-mouthed, 'you just don't love me!", manipulative pubescent female. Of course it isn't such a disaster for some families but there are usually tears and tantrums.
I hope one day both of you and your daughter can have a good laugh about how funny it was when Daddy was so concerned about buying this first bra.
Bev - posted on 11/20/2013
OK Larry, understood. Maybe your daughter will be happy with what we call a 'crop top'. It's an elasticised cotton top that covers the upper body and of course you wear it under your clothes. It may just be the 'security' of wearing a garment on her upper body that she is looking for. She also needs to know that PUBERTY, the changing of girls and boys bodies towards adulthood can happen anywhere between 8 and 16 years of age. That is the NORMAL RANGE so of course some of her friends may at different stages. I only had boys to raise but I was once her age and i know i was quite challenging to my parents. You are heading into the 'white water years' of child raising, so love her, be consistent, follow your values and (like the rest of us) hope you both come out the other side, still good mates with your social and emotional well-being intact
Bev - posted on 11/20/2013
Larry, I am writing from Australia where some of our major department stores still have 'staff' whose job it is to help fit any female with a bra. You need to find one of these shops, go there with your daughter, find this kind and experienced staff member and let her do her thing. It won't work for you and your daughter to just go into a store and start looking at bras yourself. Let an expert female staff member help your daughter. You just have your card ready to pay!!
â« Shawnn âªâ«â« - posted on 11/20/2013
Larry, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your daughter!
A female friend or teacher, a trusted aunt, perhaps? Could you take a day trip to a larger city with more resources, so you could take advantage of the Pink store or another ladies store (where they get several of these visits, and are more than happy to assist a young lady and her dad)?
I've been the 'friend' for several of our single dad friends. I've always tried to make an 'event' of it, because it is a big deal. I hope you find someone that will help you with that new branch of her life.
Gena - posted on 11/20/2013
I am so sorry for your loss,yes cancer is very nasty,my little sister passed away when she was 10years old because of cancer. I think if you ask the teacher and she is prepared to go with your daughter and your daughter won't mind going with the teacher then its a good idea. I believe all moms here will try their best to give you good advice,if you have any questions post them. This reminds me of my godfather,he was a single dad with an 11year old his daughter and I were best friends at that time.My mom helped a lot with the girl stuff like buying clothes or pads and tampons.That makes me think does your daughter have a friend with a nice mother that could maybe help with the shopping?
Amy - posted on 11/20/2013
Where are you located? If in the states you can take her into Pink (Victoria's secret brand) and have them size her or another store like that. They are trained to measure and make sure it fits properly, they should be able to put you and your daughter at ease.
Larry - posted on 11/20/2013
Thanks Gena but my work keeps me in a very small community in northern Canada without family or fancy shops. I'm not ready for a relationship but I was thinking about asking her school teacher to take her. I do know that I don't want to be there and embarrass her.I'm clueless when it comes to raising a girl. I provide food shelter and clothing but not girl stuff. We both miss her mother so much. Cancer is so nasty. I just want her to fit in and feel normal. God help us when puberty sets in.
Gena - posted on 11/19/2013
Do you have any female friends that would come with and help?Or a family member like an aunt or grandmother.I know that at the shops where they only sell bras and underwear they have women working there that are kind and help,maybe take her to one of those stores(just the price of the bras could be more expensive) good luck
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